Buried my uncle today

zepp76

Today was my uncles funeral and it's left me kind of angry and I don't know if it's wrong to feel that way, I'll tell you why, one word, religion. The whole funeral was taken over by whatever religious god botherers my uncle got involved with, it was some kind of gospel evangelical shenanigans. The whole service was god this, god that, Jesus this, Jesus that. And during the service I'm sure the geezer speaking made a snide comment about my uncles family not finding god and therefore won't be "saved". Now, I've been to a few funerals in my time and isn't it the norm for family and friends to get up and say a few good words? Not at this funeral it wasn't, my uncle was a good man who helped a lot of people in his time and it would have been nice to hear a few anecdotes about the things he got up to but it just didn't happen, the whole thing was hijacked.

I'm sorry for the rant but I have no other way of venting without upsetting family members so I'm just letting off a bit of steam here. I miss him dearly and just wish we could of given him the send off he deserved, or did he get that being of a religious nature? I may just be the one who is out of order here, I don't know.

quarky

Nope, doesn't sound like you are being unreasonable. Sounds like a bunch of god-bothering ignoramuses decided to make it about more about themselves. Would it have been what your uncle would have wanted though? Maybe there is some consolation in that?

richardhomer

My condolences. The content of a funeral is usually directed by the closest family members - if their choices don't accord with yours - I can understand it might feel alien.

But the point of a funeral is to honour and respect the departed - a chance to do that for everyone who knew them. My own sister's funeral didn't accord with exactly what I would have done - but I wasn't the closet relative - so it (rightly) wasn't my choice....

WezV

My weirdest one was for my Gran.  A Jehovah's Witness ceremony where the most positive comment was how we should be thankful she wasn't Hitler.


lots of meaningless babble and a few pointed comments for the non-JW's.  

RocknRollDave

My grandfather was very religious, attended a church that sounds very similar to the one you mention, and they held a memorial service after his funeral that was very much in the same vein.
As much as I detest Christianity, the service was absolutely perfect for my grandad and I was chuffed to bits that he got the send-off he would have wished for.
In particular, they had an open prayer where people got up and thanked "God" for whatever part of knowing my grandad they wanted  to thank him for. He was hugely popular and so there were many prayers. Mostly thanking God for Grandad' s contribution to this religious thing or that, but still, it made me feel enormously proud. It also made me feel a bit like these people knew him much better than I did. Which they did. That made me a little sad....but why should I  be selfish about having to share a great man like that? 

professorben

Sorry to hear that mate, all I can say is, remember who your uncle was to you, how he made you feel, the times you shared with him. 

You carry him around with you everyday in your memories and no one or no thing can alter or distort who he was to you. 

Best of luck. 

Dominic

Funerals are a peculiar event
I have buried my mother and younger brother who I loved dearly in the last 2 years
The ceremony is just words that are uttered whilst you are too numb to even contemplate them as you walk like a zoned -out zombie to a hole in the ground ..........
I have come to the conclusion that the "ceremony "is not especially relevant
"Send off " .......it's a strange saying - we leave this world with as little as we entered it and the celebrant doesn't even know about it.
What is relevant is the way the person touched your life and engaged with those who crossed their path in their living years...
 Amongst the commiserations and condolences that are uttered one thing that somebody said to me at my brother's funeral really made sense ....they said ...
 "I wish you many happy memories "..........
I hear that in my head every day and whenever I dream of him I wake up smiling........never more than an hour goes by without one of those memories and it goes to show that it's really not about what others say,preach or sermonise once the game is up but about what that person meant to you in the living years ........so zepp 76  ;"I wish you many happy memories "

Rocker

Condolences @zepp76, whatever your feelings about the funeral ceremony, remember your uncle as you knew him.  Nobody can take those memories away from you.  Cherish them.

zepp76

Dominic said:

Funerals are a peculiar event
I have buried my mother and younger brother who I loved dearly in the last 2 years
The ceremony is just words that are uttered whilst you are too numb to even contemplate them as you walk like a zoned -out zombie to a hole in the ground ..........
I have come to the conclusion that the "ceremony "is not especially relevant
"Send off " .......it's a strange saying - we leave this world with as little as we entered it and the celebrant doesn't even know about it.
What is relevant is the way the person touched your life and engaged with those who crossed their path in their living years...
 Amongst the commiserations and condolences that are uttered one thing that somebody said to me at my brother's funeral really made sense ....they said ...
 "I wish you many happy memories "..........
I hear that in my head every day and whenever I dream of him I wake up smiling........never more than an hour goes by without one of those memories and it goes to show that it's really not about what others say,preach or sermonise once the game is up but about what that person meant to you in the living years ........so zepp 76  ;"I wish you many happy memories "

@Dominic  I too have lost my mum and my brother so I feel your pain there. Thank you for the kind words I do have some great memories of him, he was a fantastic story teller and I remember as a kid being enthralled by his stories. Actually there is a great picture of me as a kid jumping out of my skin as my uncle scared the bejeebus out of me with a story! Time to get that framed methinks.

Motorhate

Condolences for you loss mate.

Same thing happened at my mum's funeral a couple of year ago. The whole thing was basically about how we were all sinners and needed forgiveness etc. I was more than angry when I came out of the funeral and held it together until all the guests had left and there was just my ex and my best mate. I'd had a few and the whole lot came out. They'd basically robbed me of the chance to say goodbye properly and celebrate my mum's life and instead listen to some arse rant on about Catholicism.

Shortly after, a mate was tragically killed in a bike accident. He had a Humanist ceremony and it couldn't have been more different. It was a genuine celebration of his life, all about him and I came away sad, but somehow at peace if that's the right word.
I feel your pain mate, as I've experienced it first hand. I was never a fan of religion but that cemented my hatred of all things religious.

axisus

I think you are being a little bit harsh personally, funerals are usually organised by close relatives and include either the persons wishes or those of the family. To religious people that aspect is 'more' than important. I do think that funerals are often depressingly Unsatisfying, the last two I went to had to be 'rushed through' in their time slot so they could get the next paying customers through. Sorry to hear of your loss though, I lost a much loved uncle many years ago and I still think of him often.

gubble

Motorhate said:

Condolences for you loss mate.

Shortly after, a mate was tragically killed in a bike accident. He had a Humanist ceremony and it couldn't have been more different. It was a genuine celebration of his life, all about him and I came away sad, but somehow at peace if that's the right word.
I feel your pain mate, as I've experienced it first hand. I was never a fan of religion but that cemented my hatred of all things religious.

Again my condolonces to you and your family Zepp .

My mother had a humanist ceremony. I thought it was very fitting and everyone in the 'venue' could relate to it with their own memories of her.

Compared to my old neighbour's funeral which was a 3 hour latin mass followed by a 2 hour service at the crematorium in Polish. A Nephew gave a five minute speech in English which started with the phrase "my uncle was a bully". 

My instructions are humanist ceremony, cremation and all back to the house for a drink and to sit around laughing about what a knob I'd been during my life.

boogieman

My condolences.

If you believe in the Big Magic Pixie in the Sky then I guess you'd want a "proper" funeral for the person, to ensure he went to the right place. As others have already said though, try to remember the kind caring man he was to you and all the happiness he gave to you, not the man his godbotherer family have tried to represent. 

We we had a humanist ceremony for my dad when he died. It was wonderful, a genuine celebration of his life, but I guess it doesn't suit everyone. I've already told my wife what I want for my funeral, I'm having a humanist ceremony too but with decent rock music. I want people to leave remembering me with some happiness.  

gubble

boogieman said:

I'm having a humanist ceremony too but with decent rock music. I want people to leave remembering me with some happiness.  

My mum wanted Thunderstruck by AC/DC as the coffin entered - sadly my dad didn't let that happen. We did however have some Gary Moore for her as she was a massive fan.

fields5069

My niece had "Footloose" as a curtain-closer at the Crem.

My corpse isn't having a funeral, the council can do whatever they want with it. By all means family and friends can have a drink or 2, chat etc. about how perfect I was and all.

TheBlueWolf

The religious bit, not so much if that was your uncle's wishes, but a funeral is no time for snide comments, religious or otherwise.

My condolences

Axe_meister

I know the feeling. When my step dad died (age 55) the funeral was taken over by the world of acedema.
Yes he was a leader in his particular field, but it became a celebration of his work rather than his life.
I made a point of speaking (my mom was far too upset) on behalf of the family, I really wish we'd had a family only funeral with a seperate Univeristy event.

ESBlonde

Funerals aren't for the dead, they are for the living. The family and close freinds are what's important, last wishes notwithstanding.
If the service is all Godly then have the wake in a pub/club and have the tributes read out there.

I went to a funeral Tuesday of a good friend and drummer. Crem at 9.45, church in anothr town at 11.00 (similar service but huge crowd this time). Then RBL club where the que at the bar was 4 deep and I never even tried to get a dring for the first hour. A large jam session ensued (dying wish) and went well until a few took over the proceedings mid afternoon. A great send off none the less.
May your uncle rest in peace, you can say your piece to him now.

Foster

When we sent my dad to the crem the only people who showed up were solicitors and the like who worked with him - they were rather confused that there wasn't a ceremony taking place.

Fact is we'd already had the funeral at a local church and were currently in the pub getting drunk

Grunfeld

Dominic said:

 Amongst the commiserations and condolences that are uttered one thing that somebody said to me at my brother's funeral really made sense ....they said ...
 "I wish you many happy memories "..........

I read this earlier today @Dominic and haven't stopped thinking about it. 
Thank you.

notanon

Condolences.