Dumb things you get asked at work

chillidoggy

"So, how do you work one of these then, mate?"

I was asked this while collecting a JCB mini-digger from a customer who'd hired it for the day. He'd managed to put the digger bucket through the back window of his car, and knock one of his brick gate pillars over.

EricTheWeary

One of my favourite anecdotes so I'll throw it in under dumb things other people get asked at work:

I went to see Fairport Convention with my friend Jimmy. Their new album was entirely instrumental and copies were for sale at the merchandise stall. IIRC the album sleeve featured pictures of the band gagged and there was a humorous ' lyric sheet included' line on it. 
You can probably guess the rest but...Jimmy bought a copy of the album, sat in his seat, looked at it and went back to the merchandise stall to complain that no actual lyric sheet had been included. The man on the stall must have come close to pissing himself laughing. When he calmed down he was able to explain to my ( rather annoyed then embarrassed) friend the cause of the misunderstanding. 

boogieman

McSwaggerty said:

' Have you got a new bubble for this spirit level ?'

I worked in a hardware shop in Oxford for a while. Every September we'd get a load of apprentices from the British Leyland plant in Cowley who'd been sent over for stupid things. 

Excuse me, have you got a tin of striped paint/ packet of skyhooks/ glass hammer/ box of rubber nails/ left handed screwdriver ?  My favourite was some kid asking for a skirting board ladder. 

Nitefly

... also the "long stand"... 

Guitar_Slinger

"Hello, can I have a blank stare?"

"... "

"Thanks."

boogieman

Nitefly said:

... also the "long stand"... 

Or "can I have a long weight?"
Certainly mate. Just stand over there. 

skunkwerx

57Deluxe said:

Me (at tuning up stage) - right, play the E major chord.... Student of  18 months - "which one is that again?"

Thats the one with the thingy on the second thing aint it?  

chillidoggy

boogieman said:

McSwaggerty said:

' Have you got a new bubble for this spirit level ?'

I worked in a hardware shop in Oxford for a while. Every September we'd get a load of apprentices from the British Leyland plant in Cowley who'd been sent over for stupid things. 

Excuse me, have you got a tin of striped paint/ packet of skyhooks/ glass hammer/ box of rubber nails/ left handed screwdriver ?  My favourite was some kid asking for a skirting board ladder. 

Love it!

One of the apprentices came to see me, one of the other engineers had told him to go and ask for a grivel pin for the foo-foo valve. 

Hoof

Whilst working as a factory storeman a young lad came to my door and asked, wearily, for a long weight (he'd been had for a few of these and thought he was getting wise to it).

I said "Yeah, just wait there a mo'" and disappeared into the back for a few seconds and to his surprise returned to give him a 1m long square-section steel bar with a handle on it. "There you go, sign here"

SteveRobinson

Tavernor said:

When I was in the wine game loads of people hated chardonnay but loved Chablis...

I think it's the cloying over-oaked Chardonnay people tend not to like. Nothing like a fresh Chablis.

monquixote

When I was a project manager I did a floor walk of the first team to go live with some new software I'd overseen the development of. 

I went into the office and said: "Hello, I'm the project manager for software X and I've just dropped in to make sure everything is working ok and to help out if you have any problems"

A lady said: "I have a problem, my desk lamp isn't working" 

I suggested she might want to call facilities management and she said: "Oh for GOD SAKE!, you people are all the BLOODY SAME!"

prowla

ESBlonde said:

We now get asked to complete 6 monthly staff reviews complete  with a stupid questions form to tick and comment. Ocwr half the staff have 20 years and some over 40! If you ever feel like doing something pointless, pop round and have a go.

It's just the HR departments justifying themselves.

Our company has a system where you can mention people for doing useful things; one got a mention for closing some blinds during a presentation. (I have a junk rule to "file" those emails!)

prowla

chillidoggy said:

"So, how do you work one of these then, mate?"

I was asked this while collecting a JCB mini-digger from a customer who'd hired it for the day. He'd managed to put the digger bucket through the back window of his car, and knock one of his brick gate pillars over.

I once worked at a place where the MD asked the secretary to hire some plants for the office...

(She rang a plant hire firm.)

stimpsonslostson

chillidoggy said:

boogieman said:

McSwaggerty said:

' Have you got a new bubble for this spirit level ?'

I worked in a hardware shop in Oxford for a while. Every September we'd get a load of apprentices from the British Leyland plant in Cowley who'd been sent over for stupid things. 

Excuse me, have you got a tin of striped paint/ packet of skyhooks/ glass hammer/ box of rubber nails/ left handed screwdriver ?  My favourite was some kid asking for a skirting board ladder. 

Love it!

One of the apprentices came to see me, one of the other engineers had told him to go and ask for a grivel pin for the foo-foo valve. 

Tartan paint is the equivalent here. I certainly got done with that one when I first arrived at a new school (aged 7) from England

dindude

I work in the Logistics industry and a fav of any Transport team when they get fresh, non Transport (usually come from the Warehouse) blood, is to get them to phone the tyre supplier to tell them they have a puncture on their 5th wheel*





*for anyone who needs to know, the 5th wheel is the coupling mechanism that allows a trailer to be hooked up to the unit.

mike_l

dindude said:

I work in the Logistics industry and a fav of any Transport team when they get fresh, non Transport (usually come from the Warehouse) blood, is to get them to phone the tyre supplier to tell them they have a puncture on their 5th wheel*





*for anyone who needs to know, the 5th wheel is the coupling mechanism that allows a trailer to be hooked up to the unit.

I shall remember this. I have a regular who needs this throwing at him (he'd see the funny side)

viz

Tavernor said:

When I was in the wine game loads of people hated chardonnay but loved Chablis...

1:50

Sporky

boogieman said:

McSwaggerty said:

' Have you got a new bubble for this spirit level ?'

I worked in a hardware shop in Oxford for a while. Every September we'd get a load of apprentices from the British Leyland plant in Cowley who'd been sent over for stupid things. 

Excuse me, have you got a tin of striped paint/ packet of skyhooks/ glass hammer/ box of rubber nails/ left handed screwdriver ?  My favourite was some kid asking for a skirting board ladder. 

I had some aged twit send me to stores for a long weight - years ago. It was pretty obvious what he meant so I went to the pub for the rest of the day. He seemed grumpy when he found me there - I'd left a note with Stores, who found it hilarious.

Tavernor

SteveRobinson said:

Tavernor said:

When I was in the wine game loads of people hated chardonnay but loved Chablis...

I think it's the cloying over-oaked Chardonnay people tend not to like. Nothing like a fresh Chablis.

You can blame the Australians for that, they virtually single handedly destroyed the reputation of chardonnay trying to mimic proper oak aging one grand scale. Loads of good (and cheaper) unoaked chardonnays if Chablis float your boat.

thermionic

"Can you help this customer please, he needs decking?"

I lost my job at the garden centre after that.