Quitting a Band

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thegummythegummy Frets: 4389
Any experiences or advice to share regarding quitting a band?

If someone has maybe quit your band and said something you wish they hadn't for example.

Particularly when the quitting would mean the end of the band, not just replacing that member and moving on.
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  • It's a bit like breaking up with someone. Except usually you're breaking up with a whole bunch of someones at the same time.

    Hopefully they're all a decent bunch.

    Otherwise the following may help

    1. Don't tell them you're leaving them for another band. Seriously, you'll just get the whole "what has she got that I haven't"
    1. b) doubly so if you're already involved with other band, you dirty git
    2. Expect them to tell you they can change. Don't believe it.
    3. Make sure you sort custody of any joint possessions amicably.
    4. Don't go with "it's not you it's me"
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  • FunkfingersFunkfingers Frets: 14321
    +1 for polite, amicable and not to provide any explanation that could be reasoned against.
    Be seeing you.
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  • sawyersawyer Frets: 732
    "It's not me,its you"
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  • vizviz Frets: 10644
    edited April 2019
    If you’re leaving because of time commitments / logistical issues / placing too much pressure on you or your partner or family, or just that you don’t want to continue letting them down by not being available, then just be honest and say so. All the bands and projects that I’ve left have been very rational and polite affairs - basically I just couldn’t commit the time any more, and even if it meant the whole project disbanding, so be it; there’s not much that can be done about it. 

    If the reason is more music-related, well I think it should be the same approach. That’s also perfectly rational - just say you want to play something slightly different and you feel they need someone fully committed to that sort of music.
    Roland said: Scales are primarily a tool for categorising knowledge, not a rule for what can or cannot be played.
    Supportact said: [my style is] probably more an accumulation of limitations and bad habits than a 'style'.
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  • SlopeSoarerSlopeSoarer Frets: 782
    thegummy said:
    Any experiences or advice to share regarding quitting a band?

    If someone has maybe quit your band and said something you wish they hadn't for example.

    Particularly when the quitting would mean the end of the band, not just replacing that member and moving on.
    Well if they are Fretboard members they might be getting the hint: )
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  • TeyeplayerTeyeplayer Frets: 3131
    If I could give a wis and a lol to @HandwrittenHero there I would -I settled for a wis.

    If it’s a good band or one that’s been together a while prepare for a sense of heartbreak after. It’s hard to describe and if it’s a good one (even if things are not working at the moment) you may feel a sense of loss for years. Prepare yourself for that.

    With regards to the break, just don’t fudge around the point. Like a relationship, dragging it out with excuses is the worst thing -if you try to soften the blow, everyone is left unclear about what is happening. 
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  • AdeyAdey Frets: 2208
    edited April 2019
    thegummy said:
    Any experiences or advice to share regarding quitting a band?

    for advice - make sure none of them are on tFB if asking advice from others, as they are bound to know your tFB username...
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  • DefaultMDefaultM Frets: 7271
    Just send them a whatsapp message and then put your phone on aeroplane mode so they can't reply.
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  • SNAKEBITESNAKEBITE Frets: 1075

    When I left my last band (I was the drummer) it was because I just wasn't enjoying it anymore.

    I'd just had a hernia operation and we were due to play a festival, however I didn't think I was up to it.

    When they suggested getting a dep in I feigned offence and suggested they might want a permanent replacement.

    Fortunately they found a dep who went on to be the next permanent drummer and everyone was a winner!

    (Edit: Me wanting to leave was nothing to do with the suspicion I was going to be asked to fund the new album due to the fact I had come into a bit of money, no way, not at all).

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  • SNAKEBITESNAKEBITE Frets: 1075
    In short, be open, thing will always go on if they are meant to.
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  • monquixotemonquixote Frets: 17485
    tFB Trader
    If I could give a wis and a lol to @HandwrittenHero there I would -I settled for a wis.

    If it’s a good band or one that’s been together a while prepare for a sense of heartbreak after. It’s hard to describe and if it’s a good one (even if things are not working at the moment) you may feel a sense of loss for years. Prepare yourself for that.

    With regards to the break, just don’t fudge around the point. Like a relationship, dragging it out with excuses is the worst thing -if you try to soften the blow, everyone is left unclear about what is happening. 

    Much wisdom.

    I felt very weird for a long time after I left my band even though it was absolutely the right thing to do.
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  • WiresDreamDisastersWiresDreamDisasters Frets: 16664
    edited April 2019
    I did one of these threads in 2007. I was in a band I wanted to quit. I was told to be up front but be respectful, and offer to help find a replacement.

    When I quit I was told to "nob off then" and that was that. lmao.

    Bye!

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  • One of these two should do it...

    1) I just feel myself wanting to play Jazz Fusion more and more...
    2) I just feel like we never have enough time to Djent and my 8 String is just collecting dust...
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  • digitalscreamdigitalscream Frets: 26451
    I tend to favour the "scorched earth" approach. Don't leave yourself any wiggle-room so that you can't be tempted back.

    I've done it twice. My timeline goes something like this...

    2013 - Quit BlackHawkDown (band carries on).
    2014 - Start Closed Circuit.
    2016 - Quit Closed Circuit (band dies).
    2016 - BHD ask me to stand in for a few gigs. I do it.
    2017 - BHD ask me to replace my replacement, I rejoin the band.
    2019 - Closed Circuit gets revived, I'm back where I started.

    Judge my success appropriately.
    <space for hire>
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  • ESBlondeESBlonde Frets: 3576
    Don't burn your bridges. The scene is small enough that someone knows someone that knows you or your band mates. Getting a bad reputation just might bit you in the asse somewhere down the line (maybe even years). So be polite and professional without telling anyone they are a cnut. A good word from former band mates has got me several gigs I didn't even know are on offer!
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  • prlgmnrprlgmnr Frets: 3964
    One of these two should do it...

    1) I just feel myself wanting to play Jazz Fusion more and more...
    2) I just feel like we never have enough time to Djent and my 8 String is just collecting dust...
    I take it you're not interested in being the 4th guitarist in my Djent/Jazz Fusion ensemble?
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  • Never had any problem quitting a band. Though the last band I quit, although everyone accepted my decision & reasons in good grace; at my final gig, the de-facto leader spoke to me in an uncharacteristic sh*tty way before the gig, and not at all after it.
    But I had bowed out respectfully. So I didnt have cause feel bad/guilty in any way.

    The worst example I've experienced of someone quitting, is when our last bass player went. Now he failed to turn up to a gig and turned his phone off. We (6 of us) were at this club that we had to play, as it was a contract. We played as best we could with no bass. The band did lose out big time then because we were not re-booked after that.

    The bassist made an excuse later. But on the eve of the next gig, he sent all of us a text telling us he was quitting with immediate effect! We did draft in a replacement who did his damnedest to learn our set in a day. He is still with us some 10 years on.




    I sometimes think, therefore I am intermittent
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  • MichaelATMichaelAT Frets: 12
    I just quit my one and only band that I ever played in - after 15 years. Wasn't easy. We formed the group when we were at university, and had loads of fun in the past couple of years. As slowly but steadily life situations change... job, family, house etc. it was more and more difficult to keep the practice routine etc. Also the music drifted in a direction I'm no longer happy with (or my music preferences did actually). Still it was hard to quit because that means seeing old friends less often.

    So I was just open and honest with the guys, and I was expecting some serious pain "in the air". But it was fine. Of course they regret it as well, but they were cool with my decision & reasoning. Now I see that they are searching for a replacement, which is probably the weirdest part for me now. But I will move on sooner or later :) 
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  • robinbowesrobinbowes Frets: 3021
    ...on the eve of the next gig, he sent all of us a text telling us he was quitting with immediate effect! 


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  • mrkbmrkb Frets: 6636
    I tend to favour the "scorched earth" approach. Don't leave yourself any wiggle-room so that you can't be tempted back.

    I've done it twice. My timeline goes something like this...

    2013 - Quit BlackHawkDown (band carries on).
    2014 - Start Closed Circuit.
    2016 - Quit Closed Circuit (band dies).
    2016 - BHD ask me to stand in for a few gigs. I do it.
    2017 - BHD ask me to replace my replacement, I rejoin the band.
    2019 - Closed Circuit gets revived, I'm back where I started

    Judge my success appropriately.
    No 5 is alive! Real life mirrors the movies once again ;)
    Karma......
    Ebay mark7777_1
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