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Quitting a Band
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I haven't been in a band since and I'm slowly losing the passion for being in one as its been 2 years since I left my old one. I'm playing with my friend's band but not as an official member, just filling in when needed and doing tech duties.
I knew when I played my last show with the old band my days were over and wanted to leave. You just get that feeling where you don't fit in anymore and things aren't right. The dynamics of the band weren't comfortable anymore since a lineup change (original bassist left and a replacement was found, but I never really liked him and he didn't like me). Songwriting dynamic changed and so did the level of commitment. We would cancel practices (often on the day) if he couldn't make it, whereas in the past we'd always rehearse a member down. Songwriting was going round in circle's, an idea would be worked but too much negative criticism meant nothing stuck and potential songs were scrapped. Availability of members was poor, with no consistent rehearsals, having a neutral location was difficult as we all lived over 30 miles apart from each other.
I spoke to the guys a week after my last show with them in person and told them I wanted to leave (not via text or email). They appreciated I sat them all down (bar the bassist) and told them amicably. Everyone was cool about it and there were no dramas. I don't really talk to the members anymore, and I have since seen said bassist is not with the group anymore. They've been in contact to ask if I want my place back but I said no straight away despite the majority of the reason of why I left boiling down to the guy who's now out. They don't do very much (less than 10 shows a year) and haven't released any new music in over 2 years. The commitment required is just not there anymore and I don't feel I want to go back to an environment where there's just no momentum. There was a bit of politics as well behind the scenes with a couple of members that I won't detail but its certainly put me off.
Needless to say they haven't found a replacement for me and are going as a 4-piece (was a 5 piece before).
I think you have to follow your gut and if things don't feel right you have to be true to yourself. I stuck at it to try and ride it out but at the end of it all I kinda regret not leaving earlier. Also don't be a dick about it, just be professional and amicable. Bad press spreads round the music scene quick and you'll quickly establish a bad rep for being a dickhead.
80% of your time in a band isn't spent on the stage playing gigs, its the other things like hanging out, writing, rehearsing and doing music videos/tours which mean you have to get on with each other. If there's a member or two you don't connect with it makes the process much less enjoyable.
You also have to ask yourself if you're better off moving on or trying to resolve the internal situation.
Sorry for the waffle but that's my experience.
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I’ve only ever been in and quit one band . Things has been brewing between myself and the drummer for a while. Mid way through a song at rehearsal he stopped playing and made one suggestion too many about something so I took my guitar off , threw it in the general direction of him and his drum kit without saying a word and walked off to the pub. That was that.
The old tokai strat took a few knocks but nothing more than a normal gig.
I’ve also done it the other way. When we came back from India I joined a band where the bass player could only play chord root notes. He also didn’t understand the difference between major and minor. I turned up at a rehearsal to find that the bass player had invited a second guitarist “to fill in the sound”. I held my temper through the rehearsal, which consisted of walking the other guitarist through the set list. I called the singer the next day to say that I wouldn’t be back. They fell apart a few weeks later.
Staying on good terms is hugely beneficial for keeping a good reputation amongst fellow musicians , word spreads quickly in the music community.
Our drummer quit the band last week , did not turn up for rehearsal last Wednesday . When we phoned up to see if he was coming , he just said no , and he did not want to honour the two gigs we have in fortnight - probably not the best way to leave a band .
There is always a bit of emotional upheaval when bands split or people leave / get sacked ,this is entirely normal .
The only band I ever quit in 35 years of playing bass was due to a new lead guitarist being such a self absorbed diva , I just could not be in the same room as him , so I just played the " personal differences " card .
On a similar note, any tips for nicely asking a band member to step down? We all really like the guy and don't want to knock his confidence but we all agree he's holding us back.
Did that answer the OP’s question lol ?
If it's an originals band which is going nowhere (like almost all of them) then just walk off in an artistic huff.
We have well paid gigs booked to the end of 2021, booked by the three members of our five-piece I regard as irreplaceable. The other two members never get any gigs and could be replaced in a heartbeat.
Band one
we were doing quite well, we had supported quite a few big bands in the area and were starting to break out in the uk. The lead singer at the time had a break down in his marriage and things were not doing well but behind the scene's what i did'nt know was the Drummer was making things worse but interfering. This was due to the fact the girl who the singer had an affair with the drummer fancied and didn't like the fact that he was not in the spotlight, so he had been talking shit and basically telling everyone about it and it got back to the singers wife. While the fact I do not condone cheating, the two were living separately at the time and after it came out and she caught it they did end up getting divorced, but he was meant to be a friend and being friends means being there for each other during bad times.
To cut a long story short I knew nothing of what the drummer did and the singer quit the band to sort out his life.
Band two.
Same members almost with new singer and second guitarist and new name.
Anyway we picked up after a while where band one left off and started doing some gigs in the UK again to great vibe and feel. It was fun etc.
So anyway while away on a small tour I met a girl (single at the time).... You can see where this is going am I Right.
Now suddenly the drummer is having hissy fits with me, taking the piss all the time etc, this does not work for me as to be honest I can laugh at myself with great ease as I'm a bit of joker.
So I end up meeting this girl a few more time after we come back home as she only lived 1.5 hours away but the drummer is still being a bit a girls blouse. Now at the time I was doing freelance design work and programming and he asked if I could do some work for him and he would pay. Now the job is quite large whole website, with e-commence etc as he had a t-shirt printing business, So I quote him a price along with server space etc even did mates rates etc and spend a month working on this site for him while putting other business on hold or reject an contracts.
So I do the site load it up, take photos etc, do testing it all works etc, then go sonisphere with the knowledge I will have the money in my bank at the weekend. weekend comes and goes, no money, no contact etc. Week comes and goes no contact no money. The week after I get a message saying he cant pay as he needs the money for other things now, so as you can imagine I'm fuming as I budgeted on having that money now I have nothing. So I have strong words which he replies I should not have pissed my money away at the festival and tough.
So I think this is a personal thing between me and him, low and behold he tells the rest of the band claiming that I have quit and how I was unfair with him etc. I found this out as the other guitarist was my best mate at the time. He then sends a message to all the band except me suggesting a band meeting, they all go and I'm getting text's of the other guitarist saying that as I've quit the band they should replace me with a guy he knows and keep going. Obviously by this time The bass player and guitarist know the whole story and say without me the band is dead so no!
Band two is now over. Drummer now no longer has a band or t-shirt business as I removed the site instantly after the argument and refusal to pay.
Found out the money was to take his new girlfriend away to a posh spa for two nights as he posted it all over instagram a week later.
I suspect that the rest of us were supposed to congratulate him on his ability to noodle. Instead, we would get annoyed, say so and he would resent our “rejection”.