band issue...have we been fair?

siraxeman

Our singerist has complained a few times last year we're doing too many gigs for his liking. Its been 3 - 4 per month typically and as he likes his weekends away with his partner during the spring-autumn months he told us that this year he'd do one gig a month...2 if we could get 'em both on the same weekend. The rest of the band have liked doing regular gigs as our band really took off last year and are determined to continue as we did last year and do even more gigs if they come our way! Now, we discussed this with him a couple of months ago at the end of one of our weekly rehearsals..of which he would attend 2 a month and then stay only half the duration! See here we've been struggling with a lack of committment. And annoyingly considering his lack of committment he's had most to say in terms of song choices etc. Typical diva type singer traits?

Anyway when we had our chat with him about this year plans back in early november and he told us his comittment for the coming year we suggested we get another singer to do the gigs on weeks he wasn't available.He said "fine - thats alright if you guys want to do that i wont hold you to ransom" his only concern seemed to be if we would go out under the same band name as he saw himself as the singer of that band! Well anyway fast forward a month or so and we had 2 bookings for jan and then in comes a 3rd. The band member that got the booking enquiry text us all to check we're all ok for it and all come back yes..except for our singer! "i'm already doing 2 wk ends and said i'd only do one so no!" he replies. So we took the booking and already was looking for a singer to fill in on those dates our regular singer wouldn't/couldn't. Now when he said all that and said he was cool we wondered if when it really came off if he'd still be cool as he said. And now we tell him the gig on the 18th is with another singer he's talking of doing the 2 gigs he promised in jan and feb and then leaving the band feeling we've gone behind his back and he's not happy that we're going out without him using the same band name. How does this sound to you guys? Have we been reasonable or not? 

Seems you can't win with some guys can you! Always seems to be singers that think the band is just there as their backing group and that they are it. With or without him our show goes on. His ego needs a checking.Wondering now if he's gonna do this wk ends gig as in the wake of all this just today he's told the bands founding member that he's gonna leave soon and "have a sore throat..." as we have a gig coming up this wk end. Now wondering if he's gonna let us down. Still if he does it'll be his last gig with us and the new guy will pick up from the 18th onwards should he pull that one on us.

Deijavoo

More than fair with him.

He sounds like a right weapon to me.

siraxeman

he's actually otherwise a real nice guy! just a lack of comittment and has the ego that singers usually have. Its a shame for his lack of comittment as otherwise we all like him and get on with him just fine. If he does quit the band (once our new guy is fully ready we wont be fussed really) I think he might come to realise later that its all his own making and down to his own ego. The new guy is eager to gig and will gig as much as we want to...which is what we need - a singer thats as keen as the rest of us.

guitarfishbay

How serious is your band, and how serious do you want it to be?

To me, this sounds like he isn't on the same wavelength as the rest of the band. I'd probably just look to replace him fulltime if you all want to gig more. If this can be done with no hard feelings you can always keep him in mind if you need a dep.

John_P

Doesn't sound like you've been unfair.

Making a band work is about so much more than whether people can play/sing - having decent gear, being reliable, getting on with each other (or being able to work together), finding material you all want to play and all wanting to do the same type and quantity of gigs.

Just a thought though - you might have 3 gigs in Jan but how many in Feb -  we always talk about the average number of gigs - I sometimes have a free weekend, sometimes I play 3 nights in a row.

It's his choice to do less than everyone else - that's his right and if you want more at the cost of doing them without him then fair enough.
Sometimes when you take everything else into account and the availablity of a new singer that ticks all the boxes, it's ok to compromise and fit in with the old guy but if you're happy to go with a new singer (and it sounds like you are) and have thought about all the other issues then he's talking himself out of the job.

I went through a similar issue last year when I wanted to cut out some of the poor gigs and keep the good ones - even if that meant playing less - it took a while for us to find a compromise but we found a way through it - lots of honest talking will either sort a compromise or not.

jd0272

siraxeman said:

he's actually otherwise a real nice guy! just a lack of comittment and has the ego that singers usually have. Its a shame for his lack of comittment as otherwise we all like him and get on with him just fine. If he does quit the band (once our new guy is fully ready we wont be fussed really) I think he might come to realise later that its all his own making and down to his own ego. The new guy is eager to gig and will gig as much as we want to...which is what we need - a singer thats as keen as the rest of us.

Doesn't matter, fuck him off. You all need to be taking the same dosage of Enthusiasm Pills, he's not. It's a vanity project for him. Be the new guy for me.

We're having 'commitment issues' currently, and signing with an agency (holds head in hands in despair) is on the cards. It'll be a tester if that happens. But, needs must mate.

monquixote

You aren't being unfair. 

I've been in a situation where the shoe was on the other foot and a band was getting more serious than I could cope with. I bowed out gracefully with no hard feelings. 

jd0272

monquixote said:

You aren't being unfair. 

I've been in a situation where the shoe was on the other foot and a band was getting more serious than I could cope with. I bowed out gracefully with no hard feelings. 

That. No ego, no arse, just a fair appreciation and acceptance of the situation.

siraxeman

I think back when we first raised the issue it was just a whisper in the wind re getting another singer (as far as he was concerned) to fill his boots on the 3 wks a month he wasn't prepared to be all in with us. See this how all 4 other members of our band see this - we've all got to be on the same page. There is no "I" in team. He does it for his own fun and to tickle his ego. Some of the things he's said on the phone to the bands oldest and founding member when he was airing his grievance was "Queen isn't Queen without Freddie Mercury! And our band won't be the same without me" I kid you not! Yeah it wont be the same with a new singer it will be different...but we're a pub/club covers band!! Big difference there. I suspect the presence or reality of the new singer about to start on the 18th has made him feel threatened. He knows basically that this guy will be doing 3 wks out of 4 from spring/summer onwards and he doesn't like that. I think he may be feeling his ego is bruised and have a jump before i'm pushed attitude in this situation. 

Privately the band has discussed this a few times in our rehearsals when he's not been present..which as I stated early isn't hard as he's there for half of 2 out of 4 rehearsals a month. He doesn't need to rehearse he says. He knows the songs (despite sometimes getting his lyrics wrong or singing the 2nd verse first or the same verse twice etc). I know if I was like him in regard to his comittment I'd feel concerned I to would be replaced! And rightly so in my view! We did always wonder if despite what he said that when it comes off if he'd spit his dummy out and throw his toys out of the pram. Seems our suspicions were true!

ability to do your job is a given in a band but above that or equal to is the comittment to match the rest of the band and all be in it equally together..both feet in. And also not holding yourself above the other members of the band just because your the frontman. This irks me somewhat and I find it ugly but it is LSD after all (lead singers disease). Getting along with fellow members to..tho as mentioned - that at least has never been an issue really.

johnnyurq

Sad but true if anyone is being a drag on the band then they are not fully committed or able to commit and need to move on to a band more suitable.

@monquixote has it right if you are unable for any reason to fulfil the gigs then bow out.

I did similar with my last band of 10 or so years due to ill health which I felt I was limiting them and holding them back. The band were great and tried to help make it work but it was just untenable.

Difficult and painful to have to do but with hindsight was the correct decision for both me and the band. Miss it like fook mind.

Yours is in reverse minus the poor health bit so don't feel bad and move on, you have been fair so no worries there.

Branshen

Sounds similar to this other band I read about.. They had an uncooperative/eccentric member named Syd Barrett, I believe they replaced him with a certain David Gilmour and still used the same bandname.

I think you've been fair to him. You and your other band members are obviously more committed to the band than he is. It is incredibly selfish of him to expect the band to slow down for his sake because he doesn't want to keep up. If his goals and obligations don't line up with the band's, then I reckon he should quit the band peacefully.

jd0272

Still LOVE playin' in a band but!!!  

Emp_Fab

He has no ownership over the band name whatsoever.  If he can't commit to the gigs the rest of the band wants to do then you get another singer who will.  If he thinks the band name equals him then that's his problem for him and his ego to work out after he's gone, but you certainly shouldn't consider changing the band name for an individual's over-inflated ego !  He obviously feels that he is the 'star' and you lot are just his backing group.

Handsome_Chris

@SirAxeMan, I think you've been as accommodating as possible.  If he can not keep up with the tempo of operations then go with the new guy.

BTW, how 'kin' dare your vocalist compare himself to to Freddie Mercury.  Freddie Mercury was performing gigs while suffering with AIDS.  You vocalist doesn't know the meaning of the word "commitment".  I suggest that you put him in front of a mirror tell him to take a good look at himself.

Clarky

funny thing is, if you started gigging 5 or more times per month

from the audience perspective your main singer would end up looking like the dep… lmao..

bands are really funny things.. relationships and stuff..

what I found is that you don't even have to particularly like each other…

but for it to work you all need to connect as muso's have the same goals and overall plan..

I wasted far too many years playing with mates cos they were mates..

you play together cos it works and the band members are like work mates..

if you get along great it sweetens things.. if not, so what.. it works..

and if one strays from the mission… replace him sooner rather than later..

siraxeman

John_P said:

Doesn't sound like you've been unfair.

Making a band work is about so much more than whether people can play/sing - having decent gear, being reliable, getting on with each other (or being able to work together), finding material you all want to play and all wanting to do the same type and quantity of gigs.

Just a thought though - you might have 3 gigs in Jan but how many in Feb -  we always talk about the average number of gigs - I sometimes have a free weekend, sometimes I play 3 nights in a row.

It's his choice to do less than everyone else - that's his right and if you want more at the cost of doing them without him then fair enough.
Sometimes when you take everything else into account and the availablity of a new singer that ticks all the boxes, it's ok to compromise and fit in with the old guy but if you're happy to go with a new singer (and it sounds like you are) and have thought about all the other issues then he's talking himself out of the job.

I went through a similar issue last year when I wanted to cut out some of the poor gigs and keep the good ones - even if that meant playing less - it took a while for us to find a compromise but we found a way through it - lots of honest talking will either sort a compromise or not.

We have 3 gigs in Jan, feb. 5 gigs in march, only 1 in april and may, 2 in june and a wedding in July..which is the singers mates wedding so we may not end up doing this one! But gigs are coming in and gigs are being chased all the time so our calender will fill up nicely i've no doubt.

Handsome_Chris

Clarky said:

what I found is that you don't even have to particularly like each other…

I believe that you should be able to have respect each other.  If I don't trust someone, I find it hard to work with them.  If I have a reason to distrust them, and I have the choice, I won't work with them.

Handsome_Chris

siraxeman said:

We have 3 gigs in Jan, feb. 5 gigs in march, only 1 in april and may, 2 in june and a wedding in July..which is the singers mates wedding so we may not end up doing this one! But gigs are coming in and gigs are being chased all the time so our calender will fill up nicely i've no doubt.

Have you got a deposit for the wedding gig?  I'd not like to see you out of pocket.

Clarky

Handsome_Chris said:

Clarky said:

what I found is that you don't even have to particularly like each other…

I believe that you should be able to have respect each other.  If I don't trust someone, I find it hard to work with them.  If I have a reason to distrust them, and I have the choice, I won't work with them.

of course that's totally true…

but if you all have a pro attitude and approach, along with the same end goals, then the trust should come with it..

what I can't work with are the flakey types..

"well… yeah… I wanna do it.. but…"

siraxeman

Handsome_Chris said:

siraxeman said:

We have 3 gigs in Jan, feb. 5 gigs in march, only 1 in april and may, 2 in june and a wedding in July..which is the singers mates wedding so we may not end up doing this one! But gigs are coming in and gigs are being chased all the time so our calender will fill up nicely i've no doubt.

Have you got a deposit for the wedding gig?  I'd not like to see you out of pocket.

No...as its the singers friends wedding he sold us cheap @ £250 for a wedding gig! So if we did lose it then really its not like we wont have a gig to put in its place for similar money anyway. I thought weddings paid upwards of £750 ?

Clarky

extreme mates rates??

unless of course he booked the band for 750 and told you guys it was 250.. lmao..