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Devastating News

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  • thomasross20thomasross20 Frets: 4423
    Aw no - can nobody else see them?
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  • vizviz Frets: 10647
    Aw no - can nobody else see them?
    Nope, not a sausage. 
    Roland said: Scales are primarily a tool for categorising knowledge, not a rule for what can or cannot be played.
    Supportact said: [my style is] probably more an accumulation of limitations and bad habits than a 'style'.
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  • thomasross20thomasross20 Frets: 4423
    Ok, I'll sort it when I get back - sorry about that! 
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  • Emp_FabEmp_Fab Frets: 24210
    viz said:
    Aw no - can nobody else see them?
    Nope, not a sausage. 
    I do not want to see Tigger's sausage in his honeymoon pics thank you very much.
    Lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine.
    Also chips are "Plant-based" no matter how you cook them.
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  • holnrewholnrew Frets: 8207
    I wonder if it's square
    My V key is broken
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  • thomasross20thomasross20 Frets: 4423
    Finally got the photos! Video should be here soon. Also got the audio clip of North Sea Gas playing "Sheena's Wedding."
    I'll try and get stuff up when I can - just been mental busy. 

    Some folk have said to me to take a doctor's line with stress to spend time with her now but I feel that'd be betraying my work who have been good. On the other hand, Sheena is the most important thing and now I feel bad not doing that! For the moment, work gets me away and she likes the breather so for now it's ok. 

    She's saying again she wants home care only (prefers familiarity of the home environment though never of us have been to a hospice) so we're waiting two weeks just for a telephone call from the doctor (ridiculous!) to set up a meeting with palliative care nurses. In truth I'd like to visit a hospice. A friend's friend is in one now but doesn't want her friends to see her now - just to remember her as she was. We've yet to do a MacMillan meet with the two of us together. She did win a MacMillan raffle - a bakery set, which was cool. 

    Had consultant meeting few days ago. She revealed pains she's not been telling me about...! Doctor prodded her but she didn't yelp so scheduled to see him again in 7 weeks. She was bleeding last week but doctor didn't seem concerned. She's getting a bit more tired and more pain in her right side, her skin is drying out a bit. We're sort of going on as normal... (or NOT, because I'm trying to shift the Skoda for something else already and it's taking precious time).. I almost run out of things to say, but you can never say "I love you" enough. I still need to sort out insurances for myself (life, unemployment etc) or at least look into it. 

    I've been in touch with old friends who found out about it all indirectly. Pretty rubbish friends not to have been in touch. Anyway.

    Keep meaning to do more with Sheena and the girls but we're always working at different times or busy. Must make the time.

    Been in touch with Virgin about broadband for the new place and we have a site manager meeting tomorrow. Lots of house stuff happening. I feel too much "other stuff" is happening and not enough time with Sheena.

    Sheena has written her own eulogy in 14 verses of rhyme. I don't want to read it but I know it will be "good". 
    Also, her headstone is ready, other than the dates.... we saw the picture. The wording is unique and there's a little golden cat in the corner (she likes cats). It looks nice and she wants us to go see it. She's very brave. Other than the wake, she's sorted everything out - a real heroine.. taking the weight off others despite what she's going through. She's having lots of friends visit which is good (I think - overdoing it etc..).

    I've been getting up at 3-4am in the morning not able to get back to sleep. In her presence I'm ok but angry I can't "find tears" - it's mostly when I'm on my own that happens. I think I'm going through the stages of grief even before it's happened. Or maybe I'm talking rubbish. I'm tired of thinking about the "after" and must clear out this car nonsense and sit down with my wife and make the most of the time we have. I love mornings - even if we've been a bit snappy (she gets agitated more these days and I try to be super-accommodating - definitely make sure never to go to bed angry at each other, though!) we always reach over and give each other a big hug. 

    I watched a film tonight for the first time in 10 weeks or something. I've played guitar about twice. I think I'm looking forward more to gardening. It's a bit like the colour is fading out of life, as dramatic as that may sound. It's amazing how much we've got through. Together. Top team! The best. Still wish I'd proposed and moved house years ago - one big regret I'll never take off my shoulders. Going to try go see "Guardians of the Galaxy 2" with her and the girls this weekend

    Cheers for now!
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  • NiteflyNitefly Frets: 4902
    Thanks for the update, Tigger, you're both in our thoughts - best wishes as always.
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  • richardhomerrichardhomer Frets: 24793
    edited April 2017
    You seemed to have been absent from the forum for a while @thomasross20 - I was beginning to wonder how things were.

    The 'colour draining out of life' is a perfectly understandable reaction. I've never lost a partner to physical illness - but as I've documented on here before - I have to mental illness (to be clear, she is still alive but we're not together). It was brutal from an emotional point of view - so I'm not surprised to hear how you're feeling. 

    Pent up anger is bound to be part of it. I still find - many years on - that something relatively minor can send me into a rage. Behaviour which borders on irrational - as someone who parked across my drive for half an hour found out yesterday when returning to their car....

    Sounds like you're still being a remarkable human being. Things like this - very cruelly - reveal our true selves I find. And you Sir - are a diamond.
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  • SnapSnap Frets: 6256
    ah Tom, I admire you both so much. There's a heck of a lot of strength in you mate. Its running through that post. I cannot begin to imagine what you are going through.

    Don't be too harsh on yourself, and when you can, take a moment to yourself. You can lose track of your own well being when you are so focused on Sheena. Even if its just a few moments, take a breather now and then, when you can. Just to sort of steady yourself a bit.

    I mean this: your posts, telling us what you are going through, with their frank honesty, are genuinely life affirming. I'm sure I speak for a lot of people here, but it makes me thinkto myself , live every moment, and take nothing for granted, and stop moaning about stuff that isn't important.
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  • Modulus_AmpsModulus_Amps Frets: 2569
    tFB Trader
    Hi Thomas, thanks for the update, it sounds really hard, but that you have a special lady there.
    Experience has shown me that your loved ones are most important and your employer will understand, if you don't think you can take a long time off see if they will let you go part time for a period, take any time that you can get.

    Secondly if you don't ask you don't get, My father-in-law got allot of at home nursing support, furniture (special chairs for comfort) access ramps etc I think that all kicked into gear once they engaged the hospice, Hospice care was good, but you don't have to stay there.

    Take care mate, and enjoy the movie!
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  • @thomasross20.... eloquent and touching. Thanks for sharing. Stay as strong as you can.
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  • rlwrlw Frets: 4671
    Thomas.  You are a bloody star.  How the fuck you deal with all this in the most difficult of conditions, I don't know but I admire you for remaining positive and getting on with making things as good as they can be.

    Stand back, take a look at yourself and say "You know what, I'm a great bloke".  'cos you are.
    Save a cow.  Eat a vegetarian.
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  • rlw said:
    Thomas.  You are a bloody star.  How the fuck you deal with all this in the most difficult of conditions, I don't know but I admire you for remaining positive and getting on with making things as good as they can be.

    Stand back, take a look at yourself and say "You know what, I'm a great bloke".  'cos you are.
    +1 from me on this. All of it.

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  • thomasross20thomasross20 Frets: 4423
    Yeah I've been so busy. It's hard just to reply to people who are in touch as there's so many!
    Cheers guys - will defo try to get pics up when I can!
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  • SnapSnap Frets: 6256
    @thomasross20

    People are in touch because you are a good bloke and we all want to give you what support we can. Have a virtual manly hug from me. You know the sort - starts off like a normal hug but then has to move on to rib crackingly tight, and maybe followed by a few hard thumps on the back- just in case someone thinks we are being a bit soft and girly, lmao.
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  • thomasross20thomasross20 Frets: 4423
    :) it's good to have the support! 
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  • TheBlueWolfTheBlueWolf Frets: 1536
    Your a legend Thomas!

    Under the same circumstances I'd be a total mess, so I'd like to add what a genuinely decent bloke you are :)

    Twisted Imaginings - A Horror And Gore Themed Blog http://bit.ly/2DF1NYi


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  • thomasross20thomasross20 Frets: 4423
    edited April 2017
    Thanks!
    FYI I just put up the lo-res pics there. 
    It took me by surprise yesterday, out of nowhere as we were driving back from town, I burst into tears! Actually we also had an argument about something lol, but I made sure we made up before going to bed!
    Her pain in her side was a 5/10 yesterday - the first time it's been like that.

    She saw a plaque she is going to by which reads: "You'll find me in the garden" which is touching as that's where her bench will be (we're buying a bench with the plaque "Sheena's bench").

    Also she sent me a pic today of her beside her headstone - we're going there together this weekend - she wants us both to go see together. 

    Work's been mental busy, still trying to sort out this car nonsense and need to get house things sorted.. also set up Maggie's meeting for the two of us. And although she doesn't want to see a hospice I might want to go just in case she's even a day visitor, just to see one. 

    Oh - we got the "video guestbook" part of our wedding video (which we'll have next week) -  it's brilliant watching folk on screen giving us messages

    Busy busy! 
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  • MoominpapaMoominpapa Frets: 1649
    Awesome wedding pics - I'm so pleased you had a really great day.
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