Geekiest joke possible.

roundthebend

Not a joke exactly, but I heard a story about a really geeky guy who had his own nerdy t-shirt made. He was really into Ruby, which, I believe, has the concept of symbols. And symbols are defined by this character ":" in the code.

His t-shirt simple had ":sex" written on it, which was meant to mean "sex symbol". But someone pointed out that it also reads as "colon sex"!

thecolourbox

roundthebend said:

He was really into Ruby,

Must admit not my favourite Kaiser Chiefs song, but a decent record nonetheless

Bellycaster

Optimist: "My glass is half full"

Pessimist: "My glass is half empty"

Engineer: "The Glass is 100% oversize"

quarky

A programmer’s wife tells him: “Run to the store and pick up a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen.” The programmer comes home with 12 loaves of bread.

stratman3142

HAL9000 said:

stratman3142 said:

http://i.imgur.com/wOwyfp3.png

Sorry. Too clever by e^iπ/(cos(π)-sin(π/2)).

Very smart. Needed to remind myself of Euler's identity to get that one.
e^iπ/(cos(π)-sin(π/2)) = half, if I've got my maths right.

andrewaward

probably not really geeky but...............

A man approaches a disco with a set of jump leads around his neck..........doorman agrees to let him in as long as he doesn't start anything.

jackio

Didn't Bart get to a clever school where the punchline of a joke was RDRR? I wish I could remember the rest of it.

digitalscream

Not a joke per se, but...look up the definition of "Heisenbug". Made me chuckle, not least because it precisely describes something I've been trying to fix for the last three months, and if I didn't laugh I'd cry.

Sporky

Bellycaster said:

Optimist: "My glass is half full"

Pessimist: "My glass is half empty"

Engineer: "The Glass is 100% oversize"

As a professional engineer, I would prefer "The glass has a factor of safety of 2, which is acceptable given the anticipated risk profile."

rlw

A man walks up to the barmaid and asks for a double entendre.

So she gave him one.

rlw

Nicked but I don't know where from - maybe here.

The past, the present and the future walked into a pub.

It was very tense.

Bucket

Bill Bailey's "Chaucer Pubbe Gagge" must be worth a mention.

"Three fellowes wenten into a pubbe,
And gleefullye their handes did rubbe,
In expectatione of revelrie,
For 'twas the houre that is happye.
Greate botelles of wine did they quaffe,
And hadde a reallye good laffe.
'Til drunkennesse held fulle dominione,
For 'twas two for the price of one.
Yet after wine and meade and sac,
Man must have a massive snacke,
Great pasties from Cornwalle!
Scottishe eggs round like a balle!
Great hammes, quaile, ducke and geese!
They suck'd the bones and drank the grease!
(One fellowe stood all pale and wanne,
For he was vegetarianne)
Yet man knoweth that gluttonie,
Stoketh the fyre of lecherie,
Upon three young wenches rounde and slye,
The fellowes cast a wanton eye.
One did approach, with drunkenne winke:
"'Ello darlin', you fancy a drink?",
Soon they caught them on their knee,
'Twas like some grislye puppettrie!
Such was the lewdness and debaucherie -
'Twas like a sketche by Dick Emery!
(Except that Dick Emery is not yet borne -
So such comparisonne may not be drawne).
But then the fellowes began to pale,
For quaile are not the friende of ale!
And in their bellyes much confusione!
From their throats vile extrusione!
Stinking foule corruptionne!
Came spewinge forth from droolinge lippes,
The fetide stenche did fille the pubbe,
'Twas the very arse of Beelzebubbe!
Thrown they were, from the Horne And Trumpette,
In the street, no coyne, no strumpette.
Homeward bounde, must quicklie go,
To that ende - a donkey stole!
Their handes all with vomit greased,
The donkey was not pleased,
And threw them into a ditche of shite!
They all agreed: "What a brillant night!""

Kebabkid

Can Acupuncture cure Pins and Needles?

Is Eureka another way of saying "You smelly bastard"?

Was Ghandi's wife's first names really Goosey Goosey?

TwoSpellWizard

Two men walk into a bar. 

The first says, "I'll have a glass of H2O please."

The second says, "I'll have a glass of H2O too!"

The second man dies.

HAL9000

Dr. Schambaugh, of the University of Oklahoma School of Chemical Engineering, Final Exam question for May of 1997. Dr. Schambaugh is known for asking questions such as, "why do airplanes fly?" on his final exams. His one and only final exam question in May 1997 for his Momentum, Heat and Mass Transfer II class was: "Is hell exothermic or endothermic? Support your answer with proof."

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:

"First, We postulate that if souls exist, then they must have some mass. If they do, then a mole of souls can also have a mass. So, at what rate are souls moving into hell and at what rate are souls leaving? I think we can safely assume that once a soul gets to hell, it will not leave.

Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for souls entering hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, then you will go to hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and souls go to hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in hell to increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change in volume in hell. Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in hell to stay the same, the ratio of the mass of souls and volume needs to stay constant. Two options exist:

1. If hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter hell, then the temperature and pressure in hell will increase until all hell breaks loose.
2. If hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until hell freezes over.

So which is it? If we accept the quote given to me by Theresa Manyan during Freshman year, "that it will be a cold night in hell before I sleep with you" and take into account the fact that I still have NOT succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then Option 2 cannot be true...Thus, hell is exothermic."

The student, Tim Graham, got the only A.

Myranda

Sporky said:

Bellycaster said:

Optimist: "My glass is half full"

Pessimist: "My glass is half empty"

Engineer: "The Glass is 100% oversize"

As a professional engineer, I would prefer "The glass has a factor of safety of 2, which is acceptable given the anticipated risk profile."

Empiricist: "You're all wrong. The glass is full, 50% fluid, and 50% air."

Sporky

Pedant: "Air is a fluid too."

thecolourbox

Sporky said:

Pedant: "Air is a fluid too."

west

Myranda said:

Sporky said:

Bellycaster said:

Optimist: "My glass is half full"

Pessimist: "My glass is half empty"

Engineer: "The Glass is 100% oversize"

As a professional engineer, I would prefer "The glass has a factor of safety of 2, which is acceptable given the anticipated risk profile."

Empiricist: "You're all wrong. The glass is full, 50% fluid, and 50% air."

The opportunist had allready drunk the water and fucked off to the beach ....

Clarky

monquixote said:

Police officer - "Do you have any idea how fast you were going back there?"
Heisenberg - "No, but I can tell you exactly where I am"

brilliant.. lol