Annoying corporate speak alternatives

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  • PhiltrePhiltre Frets: 4164
    I hate - "Hi, I'm reaching out to you...."

    Not even a reach-around.
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  • Musicwolf said:
    I’ve had enough of the corporate world and this Christmas I’ll be taking early retirement.  My successor used the expression ‘Thought Leader’ in her first presentation to her new (my old) team.  Today there was talk of a ‘Win Plan’.  In my day a win plan consisted of me going out and winning the business (and then being insufferable for a few days whilst I crowed about it).
    There’s my life in the old job before I left a few months back summed up perfectly.  Apart from the retirement bit for another 20years unfortunately.    Dickheads providing thought leadership and win plans for shit they knew nothing at all about whilst being paid on the back of the profit of those few of us still doing actual work we’re bringing in. 
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  • RicobankoRicobanko Frets: 11
    I hate the line “do you fancy a catch up”. Fuck off do I 
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  • jdgmjdgm Frets: 850
    Silo thinking.
    Triple whammy.
    Key strategy metrics.
    Phrases with 'unicorn' in.

    Most over-used (abused) word = infrastructure.
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  • TeetonetalTeetonetal Frets: 7801
    jdgm said:
    Silo thinking. 
    Or silo mentality, which is normally followed by agile way of working, or how can we be more agile.

    Topic of the last 4 years where I work.
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  • LightB4soundLightB4sound Frets: 161
    Beacon of engagement
    Eyeballed
    On your radar (clue not working on a submarine)
    Silo thinking
    Going nuclear
    Red flag situation
    Huddle
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  • prowlaprowla Frets: 4896
    intonated
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  • brooombrooom Frets: 1171
    Can we include "high achiever" in there. I really dislike, when I read a CV and I see a "high achiever" in there.
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  • Axe_meisterAxe_meister Frets: 4612
    I work in sales as a technical pre-sales guy.
    The sales guys are sooooo full of this shit.
    At least I just get to talk about the technical shit.
    A Gigabyte is still a Gigabyte a CPU is still a CPU
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  • GoldenEraGuitarsGoldenEraGuitars Frets: 8820
    tFB Trader
    Has anyone said..

    “ahead of the curve” and “going forward” 
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  • TheBigDipperTheBigDipper Frets: 4722
    I work in sales as a technical pre-sales guy.
    The sales guys are sooooo full of this shit.
    At least I just get to talk about the technical shit.
    A Gigabyte is still a Gigabyte a CPU is still a CPU
    I've done both - software product presales, then sales and then back to presales management (AKA protecting the presales team AND the prospect from the sales force). It's just bolleaux from people who don't really know what to say - but it sounds impressive. 

    I don't mind it now I no longer get annoyed by it. It's just one of those things that are empty of meaning. 
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  • stickyfiddlestickyfiddle Frets: 26753
    I must say I do get disproportionately annoyed by "utilise". It literally means the same as "use" but has 3x the syllables and takes longer to type. It doesn't make you sound clever, it makes you sound like you're trying to sound clever but aren't.

    I also had a guy who always wrote "Request you to [do the thing]" rather than just "Please [do the thing]" in emails. He was otherwise really good but that drove me bonkers. 
    The Assumptions - UAE party band for all your rock & soul desires
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  • NiteflyNitefly Frets: 4902
    I haven't seen "ducks in a row" yet, or is that too last year?

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  • ToneControlToneControl Frets: 11790
    I'd like to compile a list of arsey responses to some of those, to be used when you are feeling less corporate, such as

    "please sir, someone already picked all the low hanging fruit last time we tried to fix this"
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  • ToneControlToneControl Frets: 11790
    If we have all hands on deck, who is looking after the ship's engine
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  • springheadspringhead Frets: 1583

    Incentivise.  Hate that one.  What's wrong with just saying motivate or encourage?


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  • StuckfastStuckfast Frets: 2393
    Yes 'curated' is dreadful. The one I always end up having to replace a lot in articles is 'workflow'.
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  • JalapenoJalapeno Frets: 6378
    "Revert" when they mean reply or respond :p

    Not knowing the difference between Principle and Principal (and Affect and Effect) - Instant CV bin for me.

    And #4 Action Plan is a to-do list :p
    Imagine something sharp and witty here ......

    Feedback
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  • SassafrasSassafras Frets: 30273
    Seems to me a lot of these bollocks words surfaced round about the time George W Bush was in power and inventing words, mangling and butchering the English language, or am I imaginating it?
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  • PhiltrePhiltre Frets: 4164
    Jalapeno said:
    "Revert" when they mean reply or respond :p

    Beat me to it, I was going to mention that one. Ex-colleague still uses it. "I'll revert to you ASAP..." :o
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