Fuck me. I don't want to write this, but I feel I need to, even just to get it out of my head. I can't get too specific due to slander clauses in my contract. But let's say this - I have zero idea where I am going these days. I used to have a game plan. Bits of which I can't talk about, but effectively I was being groomed to be a product owner. So I would finally have full creative control over the vision of a product - let's pretend it's a drum product for musicians. I would have successfully moved sideways into a position that I actually wanted at the time, and it would've been great for my CV and my future.
Alas, that ship has sailed now I feel. I've been demoted to what I can only call a content developer. And it sucks. Long hours and boring progress bar watching jobs, for a meagre wage which doesn't go far enough each month due to outgoings and alcohol (a terrible way to deal with stress and anxiety about the future, I know that) and I look at my developer friends who do half the hours I do for twice the pay... and I'm thinking ... what the actual fuck? Why am I doing this? No-one even cares about it.
I do audio and video production mainly. I'm better at the former, but getting better at the later. But when I look around at the jobs market for this kind of thing, it looks awful. Simply awful. And because these things are my job, I find it difficult to get hyped for the audio and video production stuff that I need to do in my personal life (band, Youtube, etc) and nearly every day I feel burnt out.
I'm moving across to doing four 10 hour days instead of five 8 hour days, but I can't do that until the end of July. I'm hoping the extra day will allow me to actually invest in myself instead of being the wage-slave patriarch that I have become, and always told myself I would never become, and feel entirely bitter over the whole thing.
I should add that even though I'm contracted to do 8 hour days, I regularly do 13-14 hour days. Two weeks ago I did an 18 hour day followed by two 12 hour days back to back too. You wouldn't know it if you only went on my posting rate on here, but I work my ass off most weeks. Dropping a day and fixing my hours to 4 feels like a step in the right direction - in the short term anyway.
As I say - some specifics I can't get into ... but where I am in life and career right now is so utterly miserable, and I don't see a way out. I truly don't. And I have zero support from anyone.
I've said things on here in the past relating to this, but simply put - how the hell do I get out of this spider web?!