Music and mental health

Bod

I predict this post will be a little rambling, so please accept my apology in advance.

I suffer with depression and anxiety.  Usually it’s pretty well-managed with a low dose of medication, but I do have occasional blips.  One thing that triggers my depression is music, and I’m really struggling to overcome it, to the point where I’m considering giving up altogether for the sake of my health.

So, I’ve been playing some sort of instrument since I was a kid, and I’m now in my mid-forties.  I constantly feel the desire to be musically creative, but lately creativity rarely happens to me.  For example, I can be at work all day, desperate to get home and sit in my home studio and record something, but I get home and all inspiration is gone which brings me down.  On the rare occasions that available time and inspiration strike together, I sit and can’t get started because I’m afraid of anything I do turning out shit, as it often does, which ultimately runs the risk of bringing me down.  I’ve got to the stage now where I’m trying to fight the urge because the failure makes me unhappy.

The vast number of 8 bar pieces of music sitting on my hard-drive is sufficient evidence that I’m not a natural songwriter, so what do I do with myself and those ideas?  I’ve considered dropping that aspect, and focussing on my passion for producing/mixing, but opportunities are rare outside of playing around with pre-recorded multitracks and confidence is regularly knocked.

I guess I’m just expecting too much of myself, but struggling to bring those expectations down and just get on with it.

Has anyone else here experienced similar problems, or am I just guilty of wallowing in self-pity?  I’m interested in any potential route out of this fug.

JezWynd

Music is a powerful force on emotions. I spent time in rehab and access to music instruments was strictly moderated and limited to weekends. The staff were definitely aware of the triggering effect of music on addictive types. It was a definite trigger for me; listening to certain pieces is still difficult and I avoid them. Ironically my music ability is practically zilch but I still play daily, these days more as someone might finger a Rosary or worry beads - it occupies and settles mood.

Not much to take away from that but if it's making you unhappy, then perhaps stop?

thecolourbox

I have similar issues, slightly addictive tendencies in my personality, and find it very hard to give up. But would like to follow this thread to see what comes from it as I think it would be very interesting

steven70

Hello,

I can relate to arriving home from work, eating, chores and not having the energy/enthusiasm to pick up the guitar, let alone write. This causes anger, frustration, self loathing and all the rest. All the great ideas I had at 7:30 while sitting on the train to work have gone.

So...you're not alone.

I am not sure there is a magic answer, except it's sometimes helpful to force yourself to play- anything - for 20 mins. Sometimes this can kick start enthusiasm.

As for not finishing stuff...fear of the blank page- that as well. Don't have an answer but, again you're not alone.
Happens to novelists all the time!

For what it's worth, my suggestion is, just temporarily lower your expectations.
So rather than having to finish an album, novel, song or whatever, just set the goal of playing regularly and exploring ideas.
If it doesn't happen, then at least you've tried- which is more than a lot of people on the planet.

Not much help and I agree it is extremely depressing.
But- the desire to create means it is in you...

All the best

Mark1960

I can certainly vouch for the effect music has in triggering powefull emotions. My mother died a few years ago, she was 90 so had "had a good innings" as they say, and had been mostly happy and healthy until the last few weeks. Anyway I did my greiving, and thought I was OK, until the funeral service, and when they played my mother favoutive hymn, I just fell to pieces, and eventually had to leave the church to get some air, so I fully emphasise with your feelings. I'm lucky in a way, as i have no creative abilities, hence am happy to plug away in a covers band. I get my "creative" hit by arranging the songs we do to suit our band (instrumentation and abilities) and creating a version of the song we can do justice too, which is also as faithful as possible to the original, which people want to hear. I beleive music is a bit like sex in that it's better shared, rather than enjoyed on it's own, by that I mean perhaps you should look to colaborate with other like minded people, to bounce idea's off each other. Good luck and I hope you stay well!

IMC1980

I didn't write anything for about 5 years when I had moved down to London; I spent my teens and twenties in bands playing original stuff and found one day in 2008 that I could not put anything together that I didn't almost instantly hate. It just so happened that I was so busy with work, I never really had the time to dwell on it. 

Looking back now, i think it was a shift in where I was in life and how I approached writing songs at the time; it was no longer applicable to how I felt, so there was a disconnect that led to a creativity block. 

Several years later, it was the purchase of a multi FX pedal with a copy of Sonar 8.5 LE bundled that got me interested in recording and songwriting again, I have been at it since 2013 and the difference this time is coming out of a "writer's block" of 5 years or so means that I don't worry if the original stuff dries up. It has certainly been slowing down recently, but I have a very demanding job, two kids and all the other stuff that requires attention, so it is to be expected. I have found the cover challenges that are run on this site to be a great outlet for creativity without having to think to hard about it, that has been the main output for me this year. 

Everyone doubts themselves with their original stuff, I still write plenty of things that I go back to and cringe, people probably listen to the stuff I am happy with & put out and cringe! But you have to be happy with it yourself I suppose. 

What is it that you don't like about your stuff? Have you tried collaboration with other people? 

One of my favourite things to do at the moment is to plug in to my amp or HX Stomp and just play, not worry about recording or completing a track, just sit there for half an hour and mess about, it is very satisfying. The more pressure you put on yourself to produce music, the worse you will feel. I still drag myself in front of the PC on a week night when really don't feel like doing any music and they are generally the least productive sessions I will have.

Don't give up though, find a way for your playing to make you feel happy again, it is an amazing hobby to have! 

Jalapeno

Checkout the side effects on your meds, some have the effect of damping all emotional responses down, hence the creative aspects are also damped down - have a chat with the doctor about it.

midiman1962

This may sound a bit "off the wall" but have you thought about setting a number of your 8 bar pieces to pictures?
I've made videos based on still photos i've taken and arranged into a particular sequence and matched music to it?
Might be a way of utilising your creativity to create something finished ?

mudslide73

I've taken to just recording stuff and leaving it to settle. What seems shit can have some redeeming features when reflected upon. I also believe you should just keep going.. part of you identifying as an artist is that you do have ups and downs which inform your output. At some point there will be some compatible ideas to form a piece or two. Maybe get someone else to listen to what you have?

Bezzer

Bod said:

The vast number of 8 bar pieces of music sitting on my hard-drive is sufficient evidence that I’m not a natural songwriter, so what do I do with myself and those ideas?  I’ve considered dropping that aspect, and focussing on my passion for producing/mixing, but opportunities are rare outside of playing around with pre-recorded multitracks and confidence is regularly knocked.

I feel your pain, I really do.  It's a horrible situation.

2 things I'll refer to from that paragraph.  Regarding 8 bar songs everywhere ... oh man, I have loads of those too ... what worked for me was bringing someone else in.  Sometimes they see something in tracks you don't, and working on them together can lead you to new places.  It does mean opening yourself up to others though which I appreciate can be difficult.  Sure there are plenty of folk on here would be happy for internet based collaboration though ... if you find someone with similar tastes in music it could help.

For the production side, again I'm sure there are MANY people on this forum would be happy for tracks to be remixed / have a different approach applied to them.  Maybe try building a CV up that way and advertising your services somewhere?

flying_pie

Lots of great advice already. Similar to you , I also often get inspiration at work or on my commute home.

I've taken to singing riffs, lyrics or melody ideas as they form and recording them on my phone. That way (if I get time which is rare these days) I have something concrete to build from 

Vibetronic

I can sympathise with this...we had some stuff going on a couple of years ago and I wasn't it a particularly good place with it. I found it really hard to get any inspiration etc, and would find certain types of music (or even just some songs) would bring me down massively. I've found it's really important to try and capture the moment when inspiration DOES hit - so now if I do have an idea, but only have 10 minutes to spare, I do as mentioned above - record it really quickly on my phone so I don't forget it. I've got countless projects I've started recording where I tried to force something out and it's just garbage...absolutely no spark or anything to it whatsoever. I'd also try and stop putting pressure on yourself - they're your ideas, and the only one listening to them at the moment is you...so it's only you telling yourself they're no good - they may well be fantastic and you just don't know it. I appreciate it can be hard to do, but the mindset of not giving a shit what people think (including yourself!) can be useful in letting ideas flow and take shape. 

Bod

Thanks all for your responses - it seems I'm not alone. 

I've been going over it all in my head, and I've got a bit of an approach for trying to dig myself out of it.  The first is to get off my arse and just record things, no matter how crap I think it is.  I've also started making notes of lyric ideas that come into my head to see if that leads anywhere.

I've also recorded a bit of video of me playing drums and uploaded it onto YouTube.  Drums are what I'm best at really, but I lost all enthusiasm for it a few years ago.  I sorted out my V-Drums and moved them into a position that makes them more easily playable which has sparked my interest again - at least for now.  I'm thinking I might do more, and work on getting some drum cover videos together. 

Freebird

I've been using this software as an idea generator. It's got every chord and scale imaginable, modes, and one finger chord operation. With a simple transpose you can play either the bass or melody with your free hand, and all on the white keys if you want!

Even with a totally blank mind, and using just two fingers I can go from 0-200mph in 3.5 seconds, and it provides loads of inspiration. Highly recommended at only £24.95 for those days when nothing is happening 

https://rekkerd.org/wp-content/uploads/2019/06/Plugin-Boutique-Scaler-1.8.png

WiresDreamDisasters

Totally get where you're coming from OP. I feel the same.

All I can say is push through it. Make the 100 shitty song ideas that lead to the 1, 5, 10, or 20 songs that are worth anything. Meet other people and form a band. Try loads of different things. Repeating the same thing over and over isn't going to lead to results. Be dynamic and reactive and responsive. Those all mean the same thing, just makes me sound cleverererer.

Try and ignore technology for the "idea generation" process. Just hit record on a tape deck if you have to. Technology requires too much left-brain (logic) thinking. You want the right-brain to kick in as much as possible.

Keefy

I currently enjoy good mental health but I recognise the pattern described a couple of times here - look forward to playing in the evening but after a day’s work and a tiring commute, I sometimes sit down feeling too tired to start playing.

As regards writing your own material, more than one successful songwriter has commented that you have to write a lot of material to have a chance of coming out with an occasional ‘good’ number. Also, writing stuff is not the only measure of success in music - it’s ultimately for each person to decide for themself but I’d say if you’re enjoying any kind of playing, that’s a win.

Freebird

WiresDreamDisasters said:

Try and ignore technology for the "idea generation" process. Just hit record on a tape deck if you have to. Technology requires too much left-brain (logic) thinking. You want the right-brain to kick in as much as possible.

I respectfully disagree, the software allows me to create 100% original passages of harmony and melody using my right-brain, two fingers, and the white keys. It's about creating the structure or framework of an idea, and then writing it down in my notebook. Once I have a rough outline, I'll then start over again on different instruments, and work on the vibe and sound palette. As a beneficiary of formal art classes, we were taught to always sketch out ideas first, so I am just applying existing knowledge to music creation.

I do have other techniques such as pressing record and playing whatever comes into my mind, but when the well is dry I find that using tools such as Scaler certainly help to open up writers block. Basically you have all the chords and scales at your finger tips without having to memorise any of them, so you can focus on the sounds of the chord tone & non-chord tone melody notes interacting with the harmony. In days of old, composers worked with a piano, pencil and stave, and that is exactly what I am doing 

Freebird

Obviously not guitar based music, but this video demonstrates how you can easily construct harmony and melody on the piano, before switching to genre spefic instrumentation.

hollywoodrox

My mental health is a disaster , I’m on the strongest dose and am starting to vaguely get the side effects I suffer if I have not taken my pills. It’s a drag changing them as they take ages to get off of  and you are having to deal with the depression too, I had to cut myself off from most people this year apart from a select few.  I don’t feel any creativity problems ,I lack technique to realise what I do in a manner I would be satisfied with, my depression is not really music related though .

Funnily enough I have been reading a book by a guy called kenny Werner called effortless mastery  which deals with some of the exact things you mention and it has meditation audio too.
it explains a lot how people judge themselves, are afraid to play or compose and even listen to music for fearing comparing themselves . It gives examples of famous jazz musicians  and explains about letting go of the ego . It’s very interesting .

Bod

@hollywoodrox I'm really sorry to hear of your struggle. 

With regards to medication, have you considered speaking to your pharmacist about brand-sensitivity?  I experienced unexpected and really bad withdrawal symptoms at one point, and then realised that I'd been given the same meds but from a different manufacturer than usual. I approached my pharmacist about it who confirmed that although the active ingredient was the same, the carrier can differ between manufacturers which can affect how the drug is absorbed.  They now make sure they get the right brand in for me and I'm back on track.

Thanks for the book recommendation, I'll check it out as it does seem to address what I'm experiencing.

JAYJO

Try doing something else creative when your stuck. Paint a picture make something .give yourself something you can achieve to help make you feel good about yourself.
 Make sure you eat well Food=Mood.
Relax Free your mind and the rest will follow.
I hear lots of music that brings me right down. I am haunted by songs played on the radio when i was visiting my Dying father, it was for this reason i turned off the radio while visiting my dying mother. 
One thing i couldnt control was another patient having the tv on in the same ward as my father lay dying to the tune of Match of The Day!! lol .He liked Match of the day so it makes me chuckle and the R E M song that haunted me the most no longer does.