I admit it, Ted was me

WiresDreamDisasters · April 2020

I was smacked out on crack in a Hendon alleyway, and I felt the rush coming on. I walked up to the station and hung around outside "BEST KEBABBBBB" until the mark revealed themselves to me. They headed into KEBBBBBBBABBBBBBBB and ordered a burger with extra wings, and they had chilli garlic sauce on it. It was at this point I pounced - I jacked their iPhone 8 from their pocket, disconnecting bluetooth and sundry. Barry Manilow blaring out of the speaker-phone, I pegged it. Back to my park bench where I'd left my stash. Stash injected into my eyeballs I go through the bookmarks on the phone. I find links to tFB, Mumsnet, and The Samaritans. I troll the Sam-Sam's for a bit by telling them that my child died in a car accident and that my name was Ted Danson. That's where the Ted moniker came from. Then I posted about my dick cleaning cup from yesteryear on Mumsnet, figured they'd get a laugh out of that old chestnut. Then I came here. With the smack doing it's best to smack up my smackhole, I started to wonder about the penile intensity of Will Smiff. I noticed that Smiff and Smack are similar words, and both words Smacked Up My Cerebellum like Two Rounds Of Parabellum, and I just felt really damn good about life. I thought about how curious it was that so many films were speaking to me - yes! DIRECTLY TO ME! And I just had to ask you guys about every single one of them, regardless of the time of day.

It was 3am when the Smack Had Finished Smacking My Arse Like A Smacked Arsed Baby. That was when I decided - I am forever Ted. Ted is eternal. Eternally smacked. Blue cheeks of joy cupped in plentiful palms o' Paul o' Grady.

Smack.

Strangefan · April 2020

What the fuck are you on about?

tony99 · April 2020

please let this be about stars wars

WiresDreamDisasters · April 2020

tony99 said:

please let this be about stars wars

It is.

MagicPigDetective · April 2020

Ted, just admit it.

I am the killer of people
You look like a meatball
I’ll throw away your toothpick
And ask for your giveness

octatonic · April 2020

WiresDreamDisasters said:

I was smacked out on crack in a Hendon alleyway, and I felt the rush coming on. I walked up to the station and hung around outside "BEST KEBABBBBB" until the mark revealed themselves to me. They headed into KEBBBBBBBABBBBBBBB and ordered a burger with extra wings, and they had chilli garlic sauce on it. It was at this point I pounced - I jacked their iPhone 8 from their pocket, disconnecting bluetooth and sundry. Barry Manilow blaring out of the speaker-phone, I pegged it. Back to my park bench where I'd left my stash. Stash injected into my eyeballs I go through the bookmarks on the phone. I find links to tFB, Mumsnet, and The Samaritans. I troll the Sam-Sam's for a bit by telling them that my child died in a car accident and that my name was Ted Danson. That's where the Ted moniker came from. Then I posted about my dick cleaning cup from yesteryear on Mumsnet, figured they'd get a laugh out of that old chestnut. Then I came here. With the smack doing it's best to smack up my smackhole, I started to wonder about the penile intensity of Will Smiff. I noticed that Smiff and Smack are similar words, and both words Smacked Up My Cerebellum like Two Rounds Of Parabellum, and I just felt really damn good about life. I thought about how curious it was that so many films were speaking to me - yes! DIRECTLY TO ME! And I just had to ask you guys about every single one of them, regardless of the time of day.

It was 3am when the Smack Had Finished Smacking My Arse Like A Smacked Arsed Baby. That was when I decided - I am forever Ted. Ted is eternal. Eternally smacked. Blue cheeks of joy cupped in plentiful palms o' Paul o' Grady.

Smack.

You are Tarticus.