Dad's Funeral

guitars4you

So we have managed a slot at the local crematorium next Tuesday 9th June - Only allowed a congregation of 10, so immediate family only - My dad's sister lives in Australia and my brother in Sweden, so he can't  get over, but we can set-up a video link for them which is good news

In due course, when Boris and Covid allows, we will celebrate his life with a memorial service in town - And I've a eulogy to write and read at church about a life time of music etc

His ashes will be buried by my mum, his first wife , who died in 1986, aged 49, of cancer

Dad left me a number of muso friends to contact, all of whom I've known over the years - It did not feel like a horrible chore one bit to call them all - The musician link made it nice and memorable - Dad took a lot of pleasure over the years from many such friends and indeed genres of music he had played in - A few 5 minute chats turned into 55 min chats, so it made it so much easier, memorable and less painful - 1 muso friend goes back to their days in shorts and before they were 10, as my granddad taught them both to play sax - I muso friend went back over 60 years ago to a quartet they played in from 1958, plus they were best men for each other when they both married student nurses, who were both friends - And another muso friend went back to 1963, again from his gigging days in a quartet

My dad always said that talking about music to a fellow musician was always more interesting than talking about music to a regular friend - I tend to agree with this and it was certainly hi-lighted when I called up to have a chat with his old muso mates - I'll stay in touch with them now on dad's behalf

The other day I had 10 mins spare, whilst cooking and thought I'd call him, then suddenly remember he is no longer with us - But instinct for a second just took over

As I've said before he was both my friend and father so will be greatly missed - But I have a life time of memories to recall

TheOtherDennis

I know it sounds a strange thing to say, but I'm sure you know what I mean when I say I hope everything goes well for you, that the video link works as well as it should and that even though only 10 can be there, I'm sure it'll be a grand occasion. 

You've certainly painted a fantastic picture here over the last few weeks, so I'm sure your eulogy will do him proud.

axisus

That was a nice write up. Glad to hear of some positivity in such a sad time.

richardhomer

Hope the day goes well - a funeral is as much as anything, a celebration of a life.

Your father’s life sounds well worth celebrating!

CountryDave

I still occasionally pick up the phone to call my Dad and it's been 4 years.

Dominic

Gosh I know that feeling .......my brother was my best friend ,he died at 49 ;that was 6 years ago and sometimes I've even pressed the number because it's still in my phone .
 Just because you can't get him on the phone you should still call him ...........driving along on your own in the car or just in quiet moments you can still have a god chat ......you'll be amazed because just sometimes you can hear the responses .
You'll feel sad and elatedly happy all at the same time .

Philly_Q

My dad died 15 months ago, unlike you and your dad we hadn't been close for many years - he was a fantastic dad when I was a kid, but when my stepmother appeared on the scene it created barriers... anyway, in the last few years I (and my brothers) saw a lot more of him and we got close again, although he was fading and we never really had the conversations I'd hoped to have one day. 

In the months after he died I often thought I should call him, or half-expected the phone to ring.  I still sort of think of him in the present tense, not in a denial-of-reality way but his house is still "Dad's house", his things are still his things and I don't mind that at all.

Good luck with the eulogy when you're ready, I'm sure you'll have much to say!

gusman2x

That's really wonderful you've gotten so much comfort from chatting to his old friends. Best of luck for the day of the funeral.

Bluebeard

I am sorry for your loss

Make sure people who read/speak at the funeral talk into a microphone for the online viewers. I only mention this as I watched a funeral online a couple of weeks ago where they didnt and we could only hear the priest talk.

Jalapeno

So sad, but what a great connection to his life !

ESBlonde

I carry my dad in my heart, its 13 years now and I still think about what he might say or enjoy about things I'm doing.

I hope the day goes well for you and your family. Love overcomes it all.

ac30man

I truly hope the day goes well and also the celebration of your fathers life. 

sev112

It’s a month since my dad passed.  It’s nice that you had friends to call round, that’s nice.  My Dad was the last of all the relatives of his age, and all his friends died before him, and quite a good few years ago, which I always felt sorry for him about.  What was really frustrating for me, was that over Xmas and New Year I did a load of Ancestry stuff through into January and Feb and had found loads of stuff out. I was really looking forward to getting up to see him and take him through this big family tree. And then COVID came along, and we couldn’t go and visit.  We had also last Autumn found the farmhouse in North Wales that he had been evacuated to from London, and the current owners had invited us to go and visit / stay. And again we never got to do that.  
I collected a load of additional Photos that I hadn’t seen before from his flat.  Lots of pictures, including lots of my mum when she was 18 to early 20s, including with her previous fiancé who died, and which led to mum and dad getting together. 
Every day I keep catching myself as I think “oh, i’ll Ask dad about that” , and then realise,
I wish you well.

guitars4you

^^^^^^ @sev112 ; - Thanks for the message and posting - In the main, me and dad have chatted so much that I'm sure I've 'down loaded' most of his stories etc - Or I thought I had and only 2 days later, when speaking to an old band member of his going back to around 1963, it through something I did not know and now their is a hole - Then I found a picture of me and I'm around 3 or 4 and I don't know where it was taken - Mum died in 1986, when I was 26, so I'll never find out 

My dad had an old family photo of his clan going back pre WW2 etc - He knew who was who but it was locked in his memory - So a couple of years ago we made him write notes in the album, so we now know who is who etc  - As we know family stories get watered down as new generations take over

Sorry to hear about your dad and hopefully you have many fond memories as well

UnclePsychosis

Hope all goes well for you. 

My dad died a few months ago and for many long and tedious corona virus related reasons nobody was allowed/able to attend his cremation. We'll give him a proper send off at some point I guess but it will be a bit weird doing it months (if not years...) later. Thankfully I know fine well that the idea of sneaking off into the night was basically "his style" so in a weird and twisted way I think its almost what he'd want... 

sev112

guitars4you said:

^^^^^^ @sev112 ; - Thanks for the message and posting - In the main, me and dad have chatted so much that I'm sure I've 'down loaded' most of his stories etc - Or I thought I had and only 2 days later, when speaking to an old band member of his going back to around 1963, it through something I did not know and now their is a hole - Then I found a picture of me and I'm around 3 or 4 and I don't know where it was taken - Mum died in 1986, when I was 26, so I'll never find out 

My dad had an old family photo of his clan going back pre WW2 etc - He knew who was who but it was locked in his memory - So a couple of years ago we made him write notes in the album, so we now know who is who etc  - As we know family stories get watered down as new generations take over

Sorry to hear about your dad and hopefully you have many fond memories as well

@guitars4you thanks for your kind message 

guitars4you

Funeral today - at least it wasn't raining - They linked up a video so my brother in Sweden and dad's sister in Australia could both see it - Turns out a few others watched it as well - So nice for them

It was planned that the funeral cortege would start from my dad's house and we'd meet there and drive to the crematorium from there - I was told we'd meet 20/30 mins before hand as one or two old friends wanted to see him off - Part of me did not want the fuss, but I knew I had to go - Glad I did as around a 100 were there - Many I knew, but not all of them 

Nice touch then, as the funeral director started to walk in front of the hearse at the start, like the old days and the days of a horse led carriage, so they could all pay their respects - So we are now driving off and suddenly I see my dad's oldest mate - They've known each other for 75 years, from the age of 10 (granddad taught them both to play sax and they've been friends since) - I spoke to him on the phone last week - I now wish I had have stopped the car and gave him a hug - I did not notice him when we were hanging around before hand - But we clocked each other, me in the car and him on the road side and acknowledged each other, so a nice touch 

Not sure what else to say - We'll have a memorial service in due course to celebrate his life and I look forward to seeing many of his old muso mates for a catch up - I know most of them anyway - We might even play a few numbers for him

DB1

That sounds like a grand and respectful day, Mark - it sounds perfect considering the circumstances. 

duotone

It sounds like you did the best you could have done, with the current circumstances. May he rest in peace.