Witty put-downs in song lyrics

PolarityMan

MrTee said:

Puscifer : The Remedy

Yes, we're being condescending. Yes, that means we're talking down to you.

ahh fuck..beaten to it

merlin

Not really witty....

merlin

This is quite harsh... not really witty either....

AK99

"You put me on a pedestal,
  ..I put you on the Pill "

B.Bragg.

Blueingreen

Hattigol said:

'The only thing you done was Yesterday'.

Lennon to McCartney.

As harsh as it was pithy. And it was very harsh....

But that's only half the put-down. The next line was

"And since you've gone you're just another day"

Another Day being Macca's (at the time) most recent and very mediocre single.  So much packed into two lines: you did one decent thing; it's in the past (yesterday); on your own you're only capable of crap like Another Day; (maybe yesterday you were special, but now you're just another boring, mundane day like the tedious one in your song). Nasty, unfair, brutal and effective.

McSwaggerty

I wish that for just one time you could stand inside my shoes
And just for that moment l could be you
Yes, l wish that for just one time you could stand inside my shoes
You'd know what a drag it is to see you.

Positively 4th Street.
Dylan.

beed84

"You think anyone with an IQ over 15 is gonna believe your shit? Fuckhead" – Shotgun Blues, Use Your Illusion II

Such a priceless lyric from Axl. 

blobb

I like that Ronan Keating one

"You say it best when you say nothing at all".

Ouch!

viz

Woman by Anti Nowhere League. Pretty horrendous and not what I would call witty, but quite a put down to say the least!

https://youtu.be/cCJQ06ztUWM

Gandalph

Because something is happening here but you don't know what it is, do you, Mr Jones

Ballad of a Thin Man
Dylan

RustySpanner

"Well you say you only watch documentaries
And that bad cold you’ve got, that’s the flu
And that book that you foisted upon me
I’ll never read it, will you?
 
Did you play in the Garden of Eden?
Were the goalkeeper’s gloves to you tossed?
‘Cos it seems to me you’re the reason
You’re the reason why Paradise Lost.
 
Was it you who invented the school run
At the Laboratoires Garnier, Gaul?
And is it you who’s to stone for the motorway cone
Barry Venison and Davina McCall?

Well we’ve both seen your personalised reg plate
And it’s not the worst crime I agree
But we both know full well that it really should spell
T-W-A-T-O-N-E."

Paradise Lost, HMHB.

And in a similar vein...

"I could have put my head in a bucket full of porridge
And moaned about the hospital parking scheme
I would have saved 14 pounds
That I just splashed out on your second album
For that’s what it’s akin to
And furthermore
You’ve got a shit arm, and that’s a bad tattoo."

And of course...

"You call Glastonbury “Glasto”
You’d like to go there one day
When they’ve put up the gun towers
To keep the hippies away
December sees Kitzbuehel
Clad in Lowe Alpine
Your children are painfully soulless
Ralph’s in Brize Norton."

PolarityMan

You're a self centred egotistical wanker
Why don't you just shut the fuck up
We wrote this song for you
And all your trendy crew
And there just one thing left to say and that's fuck you
fuck you.

tone1

You’re the one for me, Fatty - Smiths

kipple

Thin Lizzy
Jailbreak Lyric

Phil Lynott Says: Tonight there's going to be a Jailbreak.. Somewhere in this town

Gary moore replies: Somewhere ? WTF do you mean by SOMEWHERE ??,
The jailbreak will be in the jail...Doh

steven70

'

Snags

Not sure it's particulary witty (although there are some great lines), and hope to goodness it's about a fictitious situation, but I've always had a soft spot for Theory of a Deadman, The Truth Is ...

Lyrics for those who don't have a few minutes to waste:

You lie about you, and you lie about me
You lie about your ex's and the STDs
You grew up rich in the Florida Keys
You lie about everything

You lied about a baby being on the way
You lie to yourself if you think I'll stay
It's just a big game I don't wanna play
You lie about everything

You think you'll get everything you want
But you ain't gonna get it from me

The truth is,
It was all pretend
All along I've been sleeping with your best friend
The truth is,
I really hate your face
You were never all that hot in the first place

Bad in bed, you suck at giving head
You've gone and got me thinking I'd be better off dead
The truth is
You're fucking useless
The truth is
I lied about everything

You lie to your folks, say every thing's fine
What you don't know, rents two months behind
Tell all your friends that we have a great time
You lie about everything

You lie when you said your tits are real
They're about as fake as the way we feel
You're so full of shit how can I deal
'Cause you lie about everything

I don't think we stand a chance
Watch you said, you can't take back

The truth is,
It was all pretend
All along I've been sleeping with your best friend
The truth is,
I really hate your face
You were never all that hot in the first place
Stuttered in bed just like you're givin' head
You've gone and got me thinking I'd be better off dead
The truth is
You're fucking useless
The truth is
I lied about everything

Well, you lied about you and I lied about me
Now that you know I'm finally free
One last thing I'll say that's true
I lied when I said "I'm in love with you"

The truth is,
It was all pretend
All along I've been sleeping with your best friend
The truth is,
I really hate your face
You were never all that hot in the first place
Your ass is fat and you ain't that smart
Every time you talk you got me falling apart
The truth is
You're fucking useless
The truth is
I lied about everything
I lied about everything

I lied, I lied, I lied, I lied, I lied

wittenham

Barenaked Ladies' Break Your Heart:

And if I always seem distracted
Like my minds somewhere else
That's because it's true, yes it's true

phil_b

Alanis Morissette - You Oughta Know

the whole song

JohnS37

Brevity, it has been said, is the soul of wit

koneguitarist

Two great Country song put downs. 

https://youtu.be/ZOte5b-Uk8M

Charlie Robison singing a love song about an ugly girlfriend “you’re not the best, but you’re the best that I can do” 


https://youtu.be/Y7e9D9NcGis

Robbie Fulks Nashville Homage. Fuck this town