Friday humour

Hootsmon · May 2015

Hootsmon · May 2015

Hootsmon · May 2015

Hootsmon · May 2015

Phil_aka_Pip · May 2015

Old one, not so topical these days but it cracked me up when I first heard it:

Two Palestinian women walking down the road. One tries to look backward over her shoulder and says to the other "Does my bomb look big in this?"

Emp_Fab · May 2015

Palestinian women don't bomb anyone. Afghan or Iranian maybe.

Otherwise... LOL :-)

jonnyburgo · May 2015

I came downstairs this morning to find that one of my chickens had laid an egg in the garden, so I go to get it and the neighbour who I've never liked popped his head over the fence "Oi thats my egg" he says. "how do you know?" says I. I "can tell from the speckles, my chickens all lay speckled eggs, one must have got through the hole in the fence and laid it"

So after much arguing I say "ok I say we sort this out with a competition, we kick each other in the balls and the last man standing keeps the egg"

"OK you're on, he says"

So I say, "right I'll go first"

So i walk to the other end of the garden and take a run up and kick him in the balls as hard as I can, he falls to the ground howling and puking, tears of pain running down his face.

After about ten minutes of this he staggers up to his feet and says "Right, my turn you bastard!"

To which I reply,

"You can keep the fuckin egg!"

EricTheWeary · May 2015

Rosie goes up to the Vicar after his morning service with tears in her eyes. “What’s bothering you Rosie?” asks the priest. “Oh Vicar, I’ve got some terrible news,” she replies, “my husband died last night.” “Oh Rosie, that is dreadful, Tell me, did he have any last request?” “Yes he did have one”, said Rosie. “Tell me child, what was it he asked?” “He said, please Rosie, put that bloody gun down.”