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This list has been around for ages, but I'd never seen it on here or on MR. It caused a good deal of mirth when our drummer hung it up on the rehearsal room door before practise last week...
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/BIoihCCCcAAEkEV.jpg
[Edit: replaced Photobucket link for longevity].
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"Take these three items, some WD-40, a vise grip, and a roll of duct tape. Any man worth his salt can fix almost any problem with this stuff alone." - Walt Kowalski
"Only two things are infinite - the universe, and human stupidity. And I'm not sure about the universe." - Albert Einstein
Especially LOL at the mutually exclusive ones
"forgetting to turn amp on" should maybe have been a negative fine (i.e. a bonus) considering the tone of the rest of the sheet
)
I particularly liked "Beginning sentences with 'When I was a guitar player...' "
https://soundcertified.com/speaker-ohms-calculator/
Where are:
1) thudding away on one string with your picking hand whilst raising the other arm up in a clenched fist gesture?
2) telling people that the only bass you need is a _________________________ (fill in the blank).
Oh hang on.. this is a joke, isn't it?
Ha! It's really " 'bone ". Most people I mix with musically have not had enough exposure to jazz to get every reference.
@Guitar_Slinger Yeah, this is so funny because it's so accurate! Even if musical fashions have changed a little, it still rings true.
The bassist in my band Cyrence uses a limited edition MM, the 3-band EQ version with ebony board, matching headstock and special graphics worth a $150 fine according to the table:
https://www.promusictools.com/media/catalog/product/cache/1/image/3200x2133.3333333333/bd5be3e4bffe87df985139cc5e5c836c/m/u/music-man-usa-stingray-4-splatter-limited-edition-10-black_1.jpg
\m/