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Gigs are the key. Rehearsing with no gig in sight can get old very quickly.
Conversely, having a date four weeks away and only three songs in a fit state to be played tends to focus the mind.
The biggest "band killer" in my experience is not that no-one wants to play or rehearse.
It's that no-one wants to take on the mind-blowingly awful job of hassling for gigs . . .especially when you're trying to wheedle dates out of pub landlords who have never heard of you and have already fielded calls from a dozen other hopefuls that morning.
The bitching about you wanting to everything to be perfect is very telling. A former band mate of mine winged about this endlessly. Apparently we were trying to stifle his creativity but it soon became apparent that he just wasn't capable/willing to learn the proper parts. You can spoon feed such people to a certain extent but, for me at least, it was like trying to learn each song twice and the second time was always much harder than the first. In the end I gave up. We did one gig with him and then he left.
I've also done similar to you in that I've "officially" stepped back from the leadership role. It was getting me down as it just felt like I was nagging everyone all the time and if I pointed out mistakes at rehearsal certain band members would take it like a personal insult. Even if I just glanced at them if they missed their cue I'd be accused of giving black looks. The problem was, once I'd stepped back, nothing moved forward and I just felt like I was turning up each week, playing my parts and leaving. No real involvement and hugely unsatisfying. I lasted like this for about a month before snapped and took control again.
Current line up is more reliable but with no permanent drummer and no gigs lined up things are starting to slip and even I'm getting demotivated.
Offset "(Emp) - a little heavy on the hyperbole."
With the latter type of band mates I find the easiest thing to do is to take your iPod, play it through the PA and break the song down when they struggle and basically take charge. It's frustrating but sometimes it's the only approach if you want to progress.
I think if you're diplomatic in the way you take charge and say which parts they did well (being enthusiastic about it and telling them it will sound awesome when done) and then saying you're not sure it's 100% right so lets revert to the record I've generally had positive results
Offset "(Emp) - a little heavy on the hyperbole."
Songs can be learnt quite quickly when you put your mind to it, I don't think time is an issue for you yet. I had to learn 25 songs in 4 weeks when I first joined my band, so it can be done.
I feel running a band is not like running a business where you set out a business plan, and execute it. You are all doing it for fun, not because you're obliged to do it, so you have to keep it relaxed and let people deal with it in their own way (within reason). If it turns out you can only play half the set properly then that's all you can do, and think of other ways to pad out the rest of the gig. Pushing and pressuring your band members will just create a bad atmosphere and destroy any motivation they had to put in some real effort. At the end of the day, true motivation has to stem from each individual, not dished out by an authoritive figure, or else we'd all be straight A students at school and finish our homework on time.
If you really want to get everyone on board you have to inspire them to motivate themselves. Maybe ask each person to nominate a couple of songs of their choice, take out songs that nobody really likes or even start the set list from scratch. There must be a reason why people can't be bothered learning the songs... if they really loved the songs they'd probably know them before they even joined the band.
I don't expect a band to be like going to work in a suit with a business plan* but the most fun is had when all the members of the band have a workman-like attitude do doing the work. You do the work first and then you get to the really fun part which is playing live and earning cash for what amounts to basically performing on stage with your favourite toys and having fun.
And it really does not have to be about loving or even liking the songs. I would never want to listen to most of the stuff I play live. In a rolling repertoire of about 70-90 songs (which we could play really well at any time) there are about two songs that I like. The rest of the songs are just not what I like or listen to. But... in order to get to the fun part (on stage; earning cash) I have to learn the songs. That's just how it works.
What Emp's guys don't get, IMO, is that you get out of it what you put into it. Treat it half-arsed and surprise surprise, it will be half-arsed. When people treat it like craftsmanship that's got to be done properly then everyone gets so much more out of it. It's basic pride in your work I reckon. I.e. there's nothing wrong with being a straight-A student and finishing your homework on time! It frees up more time for fun and you've got a great grade too!
*I've only got dim and unhappy memories of what that's like anyway.
The crappy band I mentioned earlier once told me during our break at a wedding party that I was too "stressy" over getting the songs right and that it was "just a bit of fun".
I pointed to a lady over by the buffet and said "that woman over there has just given you three hundred quid, it might be a laugh to you but it's not to her."
I asked them how they'd feel if they'd paid a painter and decorator £300 to come and "just have a bit of fun" in their living room, but they couldn't make the connection.
Manchester based original indie band Random White:
https://www.facebook.com/RandomWhite
https://twitter.com/randomwhite1
The first band I was in had me and one other who were driven and motivated to try and be the best we could be and three who didn't give a stuff and just wanted to turn up (if we were lucky) and wing it. We made several fruitless attempts to get the errant ones to put more effort in offline but we eventually learned that we either had to put up with it or walk. We walked. I suspect you may find the same.
The two of us who gave a damn have formed a duo, we're making great progress, loving every minute of it and have our first gig in May. The attitude of band members is a much under rated factor imo but it doesn't half make a difference if it's good.