Mum has pancreatic and liver cancer. She spent a couple of weeks in a hospice and is now at home for what looks like her final days. Dad is 82 and needs help looking after her - we have carers in 4 times a day but it's all the other stuff: medication, food and drink, shopping, washing, and constantly answering the door and the phone, and sorting out all the equipment that gets delivered!
My brother and I have been staying with them the past 2 weeks. Mum is in bed all the time now, sleeping most of the time, very very weak, barely eating anything, hardly speaking, her eyes look different too, not really focusing most of the time.
Until the weekend just gone she was walking with assistance and fairly OK - very rapid decline over the past few days. I don't know how much longer she will be with us. We spend most of the time making sure she is comfortable.
I know that others on this forum have been through similar times. I'd be interested in sharing experiences and practical tips!
Cheers
Comments
Can the MacMillans people help? They were invaluable when my dad had big C before he went into hospital, I wasn't there at the time but my mum got the help she needed. Then he went to hospital, from whence he only got out feet first.
Seriously: If you value it, take/fetch it yourself
All I'd say is to just try & let your mum know you're there with her as much as you can. The pain relief morphine will leave her confused and her mouth dry so have water & a swab or spoon to help with that.
She may well rally round & find strength once or twice again so be ready for that & again - let her know you're with her.
Best regards
It is a a tough one because a long protracted illness with a poor prognosis is probably/possibly one of the worst things to have to deal with.
Good carers and some respite care from any local Hospice help greatly and hopefully you can find one nearby.
My only experience of Hospice care (one of my lifelong best mates with an inoperable tumour) was stunning as these folks really are starsand experts at helping the patient and family/friends.
Good luck mate it is a shitty thing you are having to deal with so positive vibes yours and your family's way.
Citizen68's advice to let her know you're all there is spot on, especially the more she seems "not there". We did shifts between me, my brothers and cousins during the last weeks so she was never alone or purely with the staff. Even though the staff were fantastic it was important for us to know at least one of us would always be there just in case.
As it turned out it seemed like Mum hung on until the night we were all there and her childhood best friend had made it from down South (we'd told Mum she was coming and even though she was in a coma more or less, it felt like she knew). Not an easy thing to go through but I'd say you're doing the right thing.
Most important is to be there for yourself as well. It's a tough time and easy to forget that you need caring for too.
Best wishes for you all at this testing time.
Take each day as it comes.
Lost my mum in a very quickly to cancer in 2004 diagnosed xmas eve and went on easter sunday.
Pallative care were excellent but tbh macmillan werent.
Making sure shes comfortable and that you're there for each other over the coming days is right.
My mum spent her last days transferred to our local hospital where she knew people and we could get there with ease - the nurses were great.
If i have any regrets its that i still tried to balance it all with work - i just wish in hindsight i'de have taken longer off to be there 24/7.