fun family rant...

joeyowen

So...The other half is having a girls night out.  Meaning allll I have to do is put both kids to bed and I'm free to do some marking, and play some xBox. simple!

I'm putting the toddler to bed, reading a story (baby in arms).  Baby is mental... purely mad at the world.
Toddler doesn't settle, probably the hot weather...or the screaming baby
Tell him to get to sleep, he's nearly 3 and very good at going to bed.
Figure I'll bath the baby, cool him down and tire him out.  Great idea!
Toddler is still shouting.  Upset because I didn't catch his kiss properly.
(run back and catch that kiss...)
Bath is run, baby is now splashing and happy! Finally!

Baby shits in the bath ....everywhere 

In the split second after he shits he throws mad shapes and it is splashes it bloody everywhere.
Grab him out, clean everywhere.  Shower him (and me) down.
Get him out and dry him.

Baby is sick....everywhere...

(Toddler is still shouting, now he is mad at his toy car for some reason)
Baby is seems much happier after this, and i'm settling him down for bed.
He hits me in the face with his toy.

Blooooddd....everywhere.

nose is pouring with blood, manage to keep baby away from it. No more toilet roll downstairs.  
Run upstairs catching blood with one hand, holding baba in the other.
Toddler hears this and wants an update...

Stuff tissue up my nose, put baby down, go tuck toddler in.


So, blood on the sofa, my tshirt, the carpet, the office carpet... but all is quiet (for now....)

Happy Friday night everyone! My nose is still bleeding.  This whole story is about 1hr and 10 minutes in

Sporky

Imagine it happening to someone else though - hilarious, right?

dindude

Ooh, blood on the carpet and sofa, this is child's play compared to when you wife gets home!

snakemanStoo

Ahhh, happy memories.

vasselmeyer

Stop complaining and get the marking done. The XBox can wait.

Seriously, I'm glad I'm free of that, although I did have to deal with a teenage son who threw up after his first big night out. They get bigger, but that just brings a larger quantity of sick.

Happy Friday night!

Sesh

Top tip: You can get red blood out of upholstery using white blood.

digitalscream

dindude said:

Ooh, blood on the carpet and sofa, this is child's play compared to when you wife gets home!

That's the kick in the pants - he now has two choices:

1 - Make like Harvey Keitel and clean all the blood from every surface so there's no evidence of the violence which just erupted.

2 - Wait up until she gets home to explain before she walks in the house, to avoid being woken up by a blood-curdling scream.

Neither of those is particularly appealing.

Handsome_Chris

@joeyowen look on the brightside: your kids are better than you, and they know it.

Well we all want our kids to do better than us.  

:P

jonnyburgo

Haha I remember those times, I always used to shout "MEDIIIC" like I was the opening scenes of saving private Ryan, pure chaos.

slacker

They are all grown up now. However when thet were little Mr s worked night's in a warehouse  (so glad I turned predictive off). So I looked after all three most nights. I generall y had no problems but two incidents...

Having trouble with the nappy pin I stuck it right into my forefinger. Writhing  around in pain I headbutted the magazine rack and nearly broke my nose.

Middle one was about 3, wanted to pee just before bedtime. So I positioned him in front of the toilet. So he says that he feels sick. Great so I tell him to lean over and be sick. He shat all over the floor.

Moominpapa

Oh man, I laughed so hard at your post. I've been there. The great part is, there will come a time when they are both taller than you and call you 'old man' and you all will have so many laughs together going over these stories.  

ICBM

lol

It gets better in about fifteen years. You can then threaten to repeat stories like this to their new girlfriend/boyfriend and watch the look of horror on your teenager's face… they get remarkably well-behaved.

TheBlueWolf

My eldest daughter is just shy of 14 so I'm relegated to being a total embarrassment lol