Life choices...

GoldenEraGuitars

I've had a lot on my mind recently. A lot.

Im extremely unhappy in my 9-5 and I spend all day thinking about guitars that I'm doing with SC Relics. I work in the wedding trade, have done for 13 years (I'm 33 now). I'm married 9 years in October and have 3 children (8,5 and 2). I also have a mortgage and bills to pay so I can't just throw the towel in.

Currently I'm building a new 10x20 workshop/showroom as I've drastically outgrown my 6x6 boiler shed! I think once that has happened my decision will a lot easier. I have also worked out that if I can clear £3500 of debt I can save £200 a month thus reducing my monthly outgoings. 

I feel stuck, a sense of claustrophobia has set in and all I want to do is pour myself into my guitars even more so now. I'm lucky in a way that I have SC Relics to fall back on and I'm thankful that word is spreading. The moment I see a salary in it I'll be more positive about losing my main income. My children are my world and I'm not prepared to lose the roof from over our heads because I want to "live the dream". It's heartbreaking though, I feel like I can't breath sometimes.

And the thought of never having to deal with another wedding makes me ridiculously ecstatic! I guess this thread has no real point to it other than to off load some of my thoughts. Maybe I'm not the only one toiling?

digitalscream

You're not the only one. I feel the depression (not clinical, just a feeling) with my job quite keenly. For whatever reason, I've always ended up the main earner in our house, and I've always had trouble explaining my claustrophobic feeling about it to the wife. She's always had the freedom to jump around between jobs and careers ever since we met - in fact, we could just about survive without her earning at all. The bit she doesn't properly understand, although she tries, is that her freedom comes at a cost - specifically, my freedom.

We're at a stage in our lives now where she's never going to realistically be able to earn anywhere close to my salary, which means that I'm effectively stuck doing this job (or one like it) for the rest of my working life if we want to continue with our lifestyle.

Given that I now hate it when I used to love it, and I don't have any other skills that could earn similar money, that's somewhat depressing.

jonnyburgo

You can cut your cloth if you value your mental health, what is more important in the long run "lifestyle" or happiness? I think we'd all do well sometimes to see what we can live without, take away some pressure to earn more just to spend more. I guess it's about sitting down to have that conversation and being honest about needing to change something. Not easy to do though without putting noses out of joint.

GoldenEraGuitars

@digitalscream you hit the nail on the head. My salary reflects my time here and it covers all the bills nicely. I dont smoke, drink, buy much clothing or take 2 week holidays. Im trying to clear my debt which will free up the necessary funds to allow me to make the switch reality.

If im working on guitars full time I know what id need to sell to survive and I know how much id need to sell to have money "left over". Id also be able to work my own hours, see my children more, take Saturdays off and get to customise guitars full time. Why is this bad? Because im scared of the financial unknowns.

@jonnyburgo thats it, I felt myself slipping a while back. My family and SC Relics has really saved me. My wife has supported me all the way but ive always had that feeling of self doubt hanging over me. Is what im doing good enough to make a living from? I dont know. I wish it was.

We definitely dont live a lavish lifestyle so that side of it isnt a factor in my decision. 

RandallFlagg

Same here, offered redundancy in January from a job and company I have loved working with for 14 years. They offered an alternative position several levels down but on same pay. So now I'm bored shitless, with no global travel, no chance to use my skills or abilities, have lost faith in the company, with no career prospects as such but am very well paid. A true golden handcuffs scenario.

I had a real "unplug from The Matrix" over it and now want out of this corporate treadmill bullshit but like the money and lifestyle it provides.

I'm working on getting debt free and less dependent of the wage, while also looking at a radical alternative income generator (that doesn't involve many hours) that does excite me and hope that in a few years I can jack this shit in, be debt free, have time to do what I want to do but still have a reasonable income.

It's a dream and real test of resolve...I count the hours, days and weeks...

roundthebend

You don't need anyone's advice about following your dream - just do it.
But, and here's where advice may be useful: try to find a way to test the waters, keep your options open, don't over commit or burn any bridges.

I've made a few significant changes in my work previously, and have learned not to take a step so big that I can't unpick it somehow. Like how mountaineers shouldn't climb up a section that they're not willing to climb back down.

It sounds like SC Relics is already starting to gain some momentum and you've got a financially manageable approach to getting your bigger workshop in place. Sounds great, just keep balancing everything out and maintain that vision and dream.

Another part of this is that you vision might turn out to be a bad idea - maybe the market for it falls so isn't viable, maybe you lose interest, maybe something better comes up. So, whilst it's good to have that dream it's wise to revisit it frequently and don't take steps that tie you in too tightly.

roundthebend

Also, talk to your wife about it. The support I get from my wife about this stuff is incredible, but the biggest boost is when she encourages me that we'll get through the financial struggles together. 

ourmaninthenorth

I think you've got your head screwed on already. You've thought this out. 

Fwiw, the claustrophobia and the trapped feelings you mention, have a strange way of morphing themselves into other descriptors over time. For example, rather than feeling trapped, I came to feel entrenched as part of something both worthwhile and sustainable. The process was far from easy or indeed quick. 

Keep talking to the people you trust, they'll help. Why? because a pound to a penny they'll know exactly how you feel.  

Keep punching back. 

Veganic

Want to swap places?

TimmyO

digitalscream said:

We're at a stage in our lives now where she's never going to realistically be able to earn anywhere close to my salary, which means that I'm effectively stuck doing this job (or one like it) for the rest of my working life

You're not

digitalscream said:

 if we want to continue with our lifestyle.

and this is the tool you have to play with.

(despite our occasional ding-dongs I don't mean any of this combatively)

Leaving things as-is is basing your family lifestyle on your unhappiness. If you can get to the point where that's understood by you both equally then you'll both feel as though you can do something about it.

That might mean a smaller house, a different town, both working similar sized (but smaller for you) jobs. Or never adding to your GAS fund (mine is now an entirely zero sum game! lol) 

But don't suffer in silence - slowly find the way to get it to be *both* of your concerns equally - it starts there. 

PolarityMan

Does anyone else have the thing where as even though they don't really like their job that much (although I wouldn't say I hate mine) they simultaneously also have to be good at it and competitive about advancement along with all the extra effort / time that goes with that?

I also think that it is a shame that workplaces don't typically pay for results but pay for time, for example I could do a competitive job at a position a band down from mine in 2 or 3 days a week but there's no way my company would let me do that.

GoldenEraGuitars

PolarityMan said:

Does anyone else have the thing where as even though they don't really like their job that much (although I wouldn't say I hate mine) they simultaneously also have to be good at it and competitive about advancement along with all the extra effort / time that goes with that?

I also think that it is a shame that workplaces don't typically pay for results but pay for time, for example I could do a competitive job at a position a band down from mine in 2 or 3 days a week but there's no way my company would let me do that.

Yes, totally agree. If I was left the hell alone, with all the stock I need to complete a wedding worth of suits id bang out a suit every 20 mins. Id be done in no time. 

Then the phone starts, "customers" on facebook consume my time because they wont phone and prior weddings dont return their suits on time thus meaning I spend half the week chasing my tail. If pay was per unit rather than per hour id have everything done a lot quicker.

GoldenEraGuitars

roundthebend said:

Also, talk to your wife about it. The support I get from my wife about this stuff is incredible, but the biggest boost is when she encourages me that we'll get through the financial struggles together. 

My wife has been my rock throughout. Shes the one encouraging to me to sink all my money into the workshop/showroom. I know im off the beaten track (Northern Ireland) but I still think theres a market for people wanting to come and see me in person about nitro finishing and builds.

I definitely havent burned any bridges, its probably why im now so tired. I work 8-4.30 in the shop, home to see the kids for a while, make dinner then spend 3-4 hours doing guitar work. Repeat every day. 

Im very much in profit so now I have to work on clearing debts. Im not looking to become financially rich, more mentally rich. If I was working on guitars full time id be able to take my kids to school and pick them up. How amazing would that be!

ourmaninthenorth said:

I think you've got your head screwed on already. You've thought this out. 

Fwiw, the claustrophobia and the trapped feelings you mention, have a strange way of morphing themselves into other descriptors over time. For example, rather than feeling trapped, I came to feel entrenched as part of something both worthwhile and sustainable. The process was far from easy or indeed quick. 

Keep talking to the people you trust, they'll help. Why? because a pound to a penny they'll know exactly how you feel.  

Keep punching back. 

Man, ive spent a lot of time thinking. I think I also need to calm down a little. My problem is I have so many ideas and not enough time. Most of what I do sells before its finished too so im not getting the chance to exercise my creative side as much as I can and that annoys me. 

GoldenEraGuitars

RandallFlagg said:

Same here, offered redundancy in January from a job and company I have loved working with for 14 years. They offered an alternative position several levels down but on same pay. So now I'm bored shitless, with no global travel, no chance to use my skills or abilities, have lost faith in the company, with no career prospects as such but am very well paid. A true golden handcuffs scenario.

I had a real "unplug from The Matrix" over it and now want out of this corporate treadmill bullshit but like the money and lifestyle it provides.

I'm working on getting debt free and less dependent of the wage, while also looking at a radical alternative income generator (that doesn't involve many hours) that does excite me and hope that in a few years I can jack this shit in, be debt free, have time to do what I want to do but still have a reasonable income.

It's a dream and real test of resolve...I count the hours, days and weeks...

Brilliant way of putting it! Unplugging from the Matrix is exactly what it feels like!

Chalky

Lowering your spending is always the best route to independence, and leaving the rat race.  But you've got to be entirely honest with yourself (and your spouse).  You can have greater peace of mind and less expenditure outside the rat race.  But you've got to lose your rat race ambitions.

I've known a few breakups because the spouse wasn't actually fully onboard with the downsizing, or the breadwinner pretended that less expenditure magically meant still buying everything that was 'needed'.

thomasross20

PolarityMan said:

Does anyone else have the thing where as even though they don't really like their job that much (although I wouldn't say I hate mine) they simultaneously also have to be good at it and competitive about advancement along with all the extra effort / time that goes with that?

I also think that it is a shame that workplaces don't typically pay for results but pay for time, for example I could do a competitive job at a position a band down from mine in 2 or 3 days a week but there's no way my company would let me do that.

Yes!
It's the macho thing to do, to spend countless hours working over time and trying to be the world's best chip designer. Tiring!! Spent the better part of a decade getting two degrees, trained to the hilt and reading as much as possible in the evenings. It can be interesting... But I'm not getting paid for all that..!

I think most people become disillusioned with their main source of income. Staying too long doing one thing isn't a great idea. I'd love to get out of small scale chip design and do larger scale engineering. I used to want to "be the best" but seeing the pressure these people are under, I think I'm ok in middle position with time to enjoy life! 

In my mind a move has to be rock solid. I could never quit to do anything with guitars. It'd have to be in engineering, but from a different angle. Unless I won the lottery and could change completely!

Getting my engineering degrees were some of the best things I've ever done, though. 

mellowsun

Having a lifestyle can often lock you in to a job that you may come to hate.

To try to avoid this, we bought the smallest, least expensive house we could find that met our needs. Got rid of the car and grow our own veg as much as we can. No subscriptions apart from Internet, use PAYG phones.  I'm currently earning less than 50% of my previous job but am happier and less stressed.

It's worth seeing what can be cut and how much you can possibly save to help you get out of what is making you unhappy.

Lestratcaster

I came from working a 40 hour a week office job to now a self-employed guitar tutor. Whilst the perks are great with being your own boss and setting your own pay rates etc its extremely lonely and difficult to survive on esp as you're relying on other people for your living. Most learners will want their lessons between 5-9pm and sometimes on weekends though lately people want their weekends free to do other stuff. There's no guarantee of people turning up or sticking to it so its very risky. I've set my charging system so people have to pay in monthly blocks of 4 to stop being messed about.

I do like what I do as one of the most satisfying parts is taking someone who has never played before and seeing them progress like watching a plant grow. The results are amazing to see esp as you were responsible for helping them get there.

But with Youtube tutorials and all kinds of online resources plus everyone thinks they're a guitar teacher these days just cos they've played for ages, competition is fierce and the demand isn't there anymore. Whilst there's still opportunities in schools the pay is rubbish plus the kids don't really wanna learn. Also funding has been cut for music education.

But I don't miss working the office job. I hated it and couldn't wait for Friday to come as well as dreading Monday morning. Long ass commutes, to share the same piece of carpet as people you hardly know. Working to live, essentially rather than the other way around. Yes the pay was consistent but for what? I was very depressed and couldn't do it anymore. Tutoring is tough but I get more job satisfaction. Unfortunately, that won't be paying mortgages anytime soon. So what I need is a variety of work so I don't rely on one source. I'm sure many musicians are in this position.

RandallFlagg

Bittersweet Symphony

"But I'm here in my mold, I am here in my mold"

webrthomson

I admire your dedication to get to the job even if you don't love it - I know that I could not do that - luckily for me I do love what I do and I really like the company that I currently work for! Sure we are don't use the most bleeding edge technology and some of our management decision are a little questionable but that's not really the end of the world

Sounds like you have a realistic vision to me - pay down the debt, build the business - that's sound planning - fingers crossed that you get to the point where SC Relics will pay the bills!

Also you're refinishes look bad ass!

CabbageCat

I used to like my job a lot less but when I paid off my mortgage so I didn't really need the job any more it made me enjoy it significantly more even though I'm doing the same thing. The fact that you have to do a thing makes you automatically want to get away from it.