Endearing winter scene

Legionreturns

Picture the scene...

I'm on my commute this morning. There's a lot of ice around and traffic is crawling so I'm stuck in a jam.

Then, as if purely to entertain me, a yoof appears, walking along the pavement next to my traffic jam. 

He's wearing one of those grey "prison" style tracksuits, but with the super skinny calves and the crotch just between his knees, the waist band sitting proudly across his thighs and the bottom of his arse cheeks. 

His gait is that of a lad with testicles the size of watermelons. He clearly cannot close his legs because of the sheer enormity of his sack, which would explain the scowl on his face, peeking out from under a far too tight baseball cap, worn on the back of his head with the peak pointing at the clouds. Much like a kid on a sunshine coach heading to a free day at Alton Towers because he's got some terrible affliction would wear it. 

This was a walking (bowling) stereotype, the sort that you wish you could entertain yourself with in much the same way as a slinky; by pushing it down some stairs just for the pleasure. 

Suddenly, and without warning, his "I've got massive bollocks and I will fuck you up" stride is interrupted by an unnoticed patch of black ice. He does that Bambi-esque, arm flailing, panic stricken recovery...but manages to stay upright. Everyone in the traffic jam that I can see looks disappointed. 

A mere 3 seconds later though, we all get our wish. He hits the next patch and his feet slide apart in exactly the same way that Jane Torville's never did. He goes down like a sack of spuds. Unfortunately for him, it was then that his trouser choice came back to haunt him. Because the crotch is already halfway to the ground, as he falls, his whole arse, clad in some slightly grubby Kleins, is revealed to the world.

The giggling was palpable from the drivers around me, but even better was the big burly Yorkshire man in the car in front...who winds his window down and hollars ...

"Watch tha sen lad! It's reet slippy" 

Just thought I'd share. 

BRISTOL86

Genuinely made me lol

Legionreturns

BRISTOL86 said:

Genuinely made me lol

Me too! It's the simple things eh?

not_the_dj

Proper lol

roundthebend

Brilliantly written too. LOL awarded.

ICBM

Fantastic! Physics delivers poetic justice .

boogieman

Lmao. 

LuttiS

After a shite morning, that was cheered me right up

Phil_aka_Pip

excellent !

Legionreturns

LuttiS said:

After a shite morning, that was cheered me right up

Happy to help. The best bit is, if I'd had the phone call from school ten minutes earlier, I'd have missed this! (School is closed because of the ice)

Guitar_Slinger

Lol, It's like if Jackanory did You've Been Framed.

Sassafras

Almost worth an honourable mention in the Darwin Awards.
If he'd slid into the path of an oncoming juggernaut he'd be a winner.

Legionreturns

Guitar_Slinger said:

Lol, It's like if Jackanory did You've Been Framed.

I had an idea for one of those Japanese game shows with real consequences and pain, and all the contestants would have to be Chavs or the Z list attention seekers they seem to adore. Think a cross between Love island and the hunger games. The biggest consequence of all, and the thing that would horrify them most is that you don't tell them until after its started that it's not really being filmed and nobody will see them, let alone vote.

chillidoggy

Superb!

munckee

They could be in a fighting pit with weapons in locked boxes that they can only open if they can answer questions about history or the arts and stuff.

RandallFlagg

I was walking through town this morning, minding my own business on a cold icy morning, traffic was backed up on the road next to me, when I walked across a patch of ice and slipped and went arse over tit. Me trackies slipped down and my Kyber was exposed.

I was smarting from the fall when I saw the drivers of the cars laughing at me, one smug arse shouted out something unintelligible in a thick Geordie accent, I needed subtitles, couldn't understand a word of it.

 Cruel bastards, but it don't matter, I got their reg numbers and will track them and burn their houses down.

You couldn't make it up....

rawk100

LOL......he should've clobbered him with a black pudding and set his pigeons on him.....

merlin

It's heart-warming to know that in the season of "Peace on Earth and Goodwill to all men", schadenfreude is alive and kicking in the provinces. 

littlegreenman

merlin said:

It's heart-warming to know that in the season of "Peace on Earth and Goodwill to all men", schadenfreude is alive and kicking in the provinces.