I'm interviewing someone today

skunkwerx

Freebird said:

skunkwerx said:
I had an interview recently where the fucking bellend opened with ’How would you put a giraffe in a refrigerator

After careful deliberation, it's obvious that it has to go in head first.

You know whats more worrying lol. 

I came back to work and asked around to see what other people would say. 

A lot of my colleagues said the same stuff I said, asked for more details, how shelf stacking is relevant to an animal not from around these parts, how bigs the fridge, why would you even bother, its cruel etc. 

But a grand total of 3 people responded with ‘I’d cut the giraffe up into bits’, one went on to say ‘first I’d snap the neck’.. 

Who the hell am I working with?

Sporky

Second interview went well; we are making an offer.

The account manager, Honky Percy, and sales director (the aforementioned Stinky Doug) were both a bit dim about it though - both commented that they weren't sure he had the "charisma" of the outgoing chap (who we will call Bogwater Bobo).

The outgoing chap says "mate" a lot but is technically a complete buffoon, and has learnt almost nothing in two years here. I have to fix almost every single one of his designs because he's too lazy to check anything and won't read manuals.

I said I'd rather have quiet and competent than loud and useless. I think the turning point was when Honky Percy said that the prospective new chap "would have to fill some big shoes", and I replied "Yes, but we can probably get him a new squeaky red nose though."

The really worrying bit is that Bogwater Bobo is off to join a consultant we already work with. I'm not convinced he can spell "consultant".

Phil_aka_Pip

@Sporky you speak as if, by making the move, Bogwater Bobo is simultaneously doubling the average intelligence levels of both companies

Sporky

Phil_aka_Pip said:

@Sporky you speak as if, by making the move, Bogwater Bobo is simultaneously doubling the average intelligence levels of both companies

It's funny because it's true.

He's not mean, and he's not proper deep-down-dumb, but he lacks attention to detail, he doesn't have that determination to do everything as well as possible.

We're the sort of company where mistakes don't get you into full on Trouble - everyone focuses on solving the problem. But most of us do feel bad when we make a mistake that requires other people to put effort in; he sees it as everyone else's job to pick up his slack.

Honky Percy also said something about how the new chap seemed very detail-driven and that that might mean he didn't bash quotes out as fast as Bobo does; I made it very, very clear that this is a massive advantage. The quickest way to do anything is to do it right, unless you don't care about stabbing future you in the back.

Phil_aka_Pip

I do think I agree with you about that

Moominpapa

Interviewer:  "Have you ever killed a man in cold blood?"

Applicant:     "Good lord, no!"

Interviewer:   "Why not - what are you, a pussy?"

That'll get you through the applicant pool and out to an early lunch. Job done.

p90fool

When I was conducting a lot of interviews, the first stage was always to filter out anyone who turned up in a suit and trainers by putting them in the "Jenga Room", 

Sporky

New chap - who I will now refer to as Pongy Harry - starts on Monday.

None of my coworkers actually smell, and they aren't called Doug, Percy, Harry or Bobo, but it's important to have secret names for them so you can discuss them without them knowing.

Bridgehouse

Sporky said:

New chap - who I will now refer to as Pongy Harry - starts on Monday.

None of my coworkers actually smell, and they aren't called Doug, Percy, Harry or Bobo, but it's important to have secret names for them so you can discuss them without them knowing.

Presumably your secret name is Stinky Sporky, no?

Sporky

I s'pose Stinky Doug and I do have the same first name, so that makes sense.

He spells it wrong though. So maybe I should be Stanky Sporky.

skunkwerx

p90fool said:

When I was conducting a lot of interviews, the first stage was always to filter out anyone who turned up in a suit and trainers by putting them in the "Jenga Room", 

Well... it was a track suit....

For real though I did wear proper shoes. 
Which by the way, any sufferers of plantar fasciitis in? 
More than 10 minutes standing in most shoes is absolute agony!

Phil_aka_Pip

I got asked: "If you were a brand, what would you be?".

My gut reaction: "I am not a commercial product".

My secondary thinking: "I like classic, traditional designs that are great if executed with an eye to quality. EG (IMO) Gibson guitars, Norton motorbikes, Quad or Radford HiFi. Maybe I should say something like that".i

After  few seconds' pause, I voiced my gut reaction.

Sporky

I'd probably have gone with "I'd be a metal implement for marking ownership of cattle."

Guitar_Slinger

Jo or Russell?

LuttiS

I'm a Chinese knock off. If you want it, I can be it.