Morning all.
I run a jam/open mic night at a pub near Manchester. It's a quite trad type pub, in that it's full of middle aged piss artists and their familes, (Over 18s only though ) and anyone who looks too hipster takes one look and sods off elsewhere for their beer that has bits in it. I actually love the place, and it's great therapy, because I am mental, though it is VERY draining, mentally and physically.
Anyway, we have a couple of regulars who are...shall we say wanting in the musicality / ability / possibly knowing their own names department. The night is extremely casual, we don't care really how bad you are, but it's always utterly wonderful when someone turns up and is brilliant - it does happen. ( I mean, I am not a natural singer or guitarist, I am a drummer, but I front the thing because I am a decent frontman and like playing to an audience ) We have a full backline and spare instruments available for punters to use, as well as a huge selection of lyrics, chords and dots for a LOT of popular tunes. Think live karaoke.
So, last night it being a very quiet one, we started with the usual opening tunes, and decided to keep it quiet with Springsteen's The River. During which, a chap pops over looks at the drum kit, and sits down behind it. "Ace, the night's first guest player, I think."
Oh gods..oh dear, dear gods. he can't play. Literally, cannot play. he sort of hits the drums in a vague and seemingly almost random attempt to "follow" the melody. and plays the cowbell. Presumably because it's there. You know the sort of thing, when you get a kid playing a toy drum.
And I can't get rid of him. He stays for another tune ( Hey Joe - loud and an opportunity to fight noise with noise ) and very luckily at that point, someone comes up to play guitar and sing, and, breathing a massive sigh of relief, I ask if I can take over on drums. The poor chap looks a little crestfallen, but hands me the sticks and order is slightly restored.
I am wondering if this is a common phenomenon? I mean, when you do a live Karaoke, you expect folks who can't sing but just want to have a go, and that is kind of expected: you can cheer things up a bit with good performances and even a bad singer tends to vaguely know how to speak the words, but when you just get utter cacophony emerging from behind you halfway through a pretty quiet and reflective tune it can take you by surprise, somewhat.
I am reliably informed he will be back. So, what do you do folks? how would you deal with this? I feel it's cruel to say "sod off, you hurt my ears, and sense of basic decency" but it really is like letting a deaf toddler loose on a cupboard of pots and pans.
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We had a few turn up over the years who could empty the room in 10 seconds flat, but you have to take it on the chin.
Rob.
I would say to your budding Buddy Rich ....... sorry mate but you need to get more familiar with the material, lets pick a couple of songs for you to work on for next week .......... don't just let him loose on anything !
Generally that's fine, as you'll often find different approaches and ideas from other musicians whatever their experience or skill level, and luckily there are some musicians who are way better than me too.
When someone truly is awful though I have to remind myself that that's who open mics are actually for, ie, people who for whatever reason are not gigging in bands week in week out and may never have that opportunity.
I have plenty of outlets for beating on guitars in public and I even get paid for it, but not everyone is that lucky.
They should naff off and get their own "name" residency and leave the Jam / Open Mic as it was
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Maybe I need to review my plans to play at one soon based on some of the above...