Friday humour

munckee

axisus said:

rawk100 said:

Sporky said:k

rawk100 said:

Yeah it got 11 lols when I posted it back in 2015, only got 6 this year

I lolled that.  

I've just lolled you lolling me  

Is this a private party or can I lol you guys for lolling each other?

I have nothing against guys lolling each other, a lot of my friends like to lol other guys, I just wish they wouldn't ram it down my throat.

Hootsmon

Hootsmon

Toulouse Lautrec buys a coffee

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Fretwired

From page one ....

Fretwired

Hootsmon

Phil_aka_Pip

Emp_Fab said:

But she’s a remainderer isn’t she ?  

Yes, that's why she's making a Pig's Ear of it. She doesn't believe in it.

Fretwired

Some Christmas cracker jokes

I saw a sheep driving a car in a swim suit - it was a lambakini

I rented a flat from a pig named Shakespeare - it was a Hamlet!

This year I'm releasing a Christmas charity single - its a cover version.

Duvet know it's Christmas?

Last year we played the Christmas edition of Cluedo.
My wife murdered Christmas dinner, in the kitchen, with the oven.

I'm chuffed. My daughter  graduated from the Royal School of Ballet. I

She got a 2:2

My wife just left me because of my obsession with cricket
It hit me for 6

I rang the RSPCA earlier to tell them I'd just found 6 badgers in a suitcase by the road.
"Are they moving?" asked the operator.
"I'm not certain," I replied, "but that would explain the suitcase...."

Went to a Plastic Surgery Anonymous meeting last night ... there were a lot of new faces

This year's top toy for Christmas is divorced Barbie. Unfortunately, it costs £500.
Mind you, it comes with Kens house, Kens car, Kens boat and Kens wardrobe.

Irish historians have discovered what they believe to be the headstone of the oldest man ever to have lived.

He was 148 and was called Miles from Dublin.

I ordered four Kindles from Amazon last week but all they sent me was a 'Best Of The Two Ronnies' DVD.

munckee

Fretwired said:

Some Christmas cracker jokes

I saw a sheep driving a car in a swim suit - it was a lambakini

I rented a flat from a pig named Shakespeare - it was a Hamlet!

This year I'm releasing a Christmas charity single - its a cover version.

Duvet know it's Christmas?

Last year we played the Christmas edition of Cluedo.
My wife murdered Christmas dinner, in the kitchen, with the oven.

I'm chuffed. My daughter  graduated from the Royal School of Ballet. I

She got a 2:2

My wife just left me because of my obsession with cricket
It hit me for 6

I rang the RSPCA earlier to tell them I'd just found 6 badgers in a suitcase by the road.
"Are they moving?" asked the operator.
"I'm not certain," I replied, "but that would explain the suitcase...."

Went to a Plastic Surgery Anonymous meeting last night ... there were a lot of new faces

This year's top toy for Christmas is divorced Barbie. Unfortunately, it costs £500.
Mind you, it comes with Kens house, Kens car, Kens boat and Kens wardrobe.

Irish historians have discovered what they believe to be the headstone of the oldest man ever to have lived.

He was 148 and was called Miles from Dublin.

I ordered four Kindles from Amazon last week but all they sent me was a 'Best Of The Two Ronnies' DVD.

The lol is for the badger joke. That's a humdinger!

axisus

Hootsmon

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Scene cut from Kirk Douglas Spar tae cus  movie

ESBlonde

The Moral of Auntie Sharon

A teacher gave her class of 11 year olds an assignment: To get their parent to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.
The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.

Ashley said, 'My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg-laying hens. One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the car when we hit a big bump in the road and all the eggs got broken.'

'What's the morale of that story?' asked the teacher.

'Don't put all your eggs in one basket!'

'Very good,' said the teacher.

Next little Sarah raised her hand and said, 'Our family are farmers too. But we raise chickens for the meat market. One day we had a dozen eggs, but when they hatched we only got ten live chicks, and the moral to this story is, 'Don't count your chickens before they're hatched'.'

'That was a fine story Sarah.'

Michael, do you have a story to share?'

'Yes. My daddy told me this story about my Aunty Sharon. Aunty Sharon was a flight engineer on a plane in the Gulf War and her plane got hit.

She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a bottle of whisky, a machine gun and a machete.

She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break and then she landed right in the middle of 100 enemy troops.

She killed seventy of them with the machine gun until she
ran out of bullets.

Then she killed twenty more with the machete until the blade broke.
And then she killed the last ten with her bare hands.'


'Good heavens,' said the horrified teacher, 'what kind of moral did your daddy tell you from that horrible story?'


'Stay away from Aunty Sharon when she's pissed.'

 

Fretwired

Got to love medieval humour ...

axisus

Ho ho ho for this response to Gerry Adams tweet:

TheMarlin

https://imgur.com/a/bHr8M9m

Hootsmon

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