Friday humour

JAYJO

hootsmon said:

  ears on Mickey Rourke!

JAYJO

Went the doctors yesterday and told him "ive had 3 vindaloos this week and my arse feels like a blood orange!"
He sad "What do you mean?" I said "I feel like ive sat on a broken bottle doctor". He said "Ah Ring Sting!" I said 
"Why? whats he gonna do about it!".  bum bum.

see what i did there!

Fretwired

Hootsmon

Fretwired

I went into the pet shop this morning and saw an old mate working there.

"Alright, John", I said.

"Don't you work in McDonald's any more, then?"

"Nah, moved on to a better job, pal"

"Anyhow, what can I get you?", he asked.

"Glad to hear it. I'm looking for a tropical frog"

"No, problem", he said.

"And do you want flies with that?"

Fretwired

Fretwired

Hootsmon

Hootsmon

axisus

Yesterday I was at my local Tesco's store buying a large bag of dog food. I told the checkout girl that I was starting the Dog Diet again and that I probably shouldn’t, because I ended up in hospital last time. I lost 10 kilograms before I woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with My Dog nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again.

Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off the kerb to sniff an Irish Setter's arse and a car hit me.

axisus

Eddie: I love ya Sharon, but you've got a tight box and no tits

Sharon: Get off my back Eddie

Hootsmon

Hootsmon

Hootsmon

rawk100

Hope it's not too rude....

https://i.imgur.com/Nn2CqVE.png

rawk100

https://i.imgur.com/xZf8Kqp.png

Fretwired

Grunfeld

What's the dumbest animal in the jungle?

The polar bear

snakemanStoo

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DWlIHzfWAAIok0B.jpg

Fretwired