What's the stupidest thing you've heard?

octatonic

Whenever people start talking about reiki or energy centre bollocks.

Skodadad

My mates mum asked me after the event "terrible thing that princess Diana's funeral, did you see they nearly dropped the coffin?" "no I didn't, replied I"
Her, "what channel did you watch it on?"
Me "Itv"
Her "Oh they nearly dropped her on BBC!"

quarky

Christianity, Judaism, Islam, etc.

DarnWeight

Some friends of mine had got an extremely gullible mate of theirs convinced that the reason that you usually see TV programmes with sign language late at night was because deaf people have different sleep patterns to everyone else.

TheMarlin

Nibiru is gonna cause the end of the world in 2012...no, wait....now 2013...no, wait....now 2014....no, wait, now 2015..... no, wait, now 2016 .....honest!   

Marlin 

boogieman

We once convinced a gullible niece that the boxes at the Barbican, which kinda look like desk drawers, slide in and out of the wall so the people inside could get a better view. We told her they were controlled by a joystick and if she watched closely she would see them move. She spent the whole concert watching them.

Sporky

When working as an on-site audio-visual tech some years ago, I had a new starter at the company about to give her first presentation. She was somewhat nervous as you might imagine, so I was being gently helpful, getting things set up (I was nice back then).

First question, sensible enough; "where do I plug the laptop in to show on the screen?"
Second question, slightly odd; "does that same cable power the laptop?"
Third question, after pointing out the mains sockets in the floor under the table; "How do I get down there?"

I suggested, very calmly, that our good friend Gravity would help her with that specific task. Then she looked stressed and bewildered so I plugged in the power supply for her. After the presentation she popped into the techie office and gave me a tin of Fox Biscuits.

Thus I learned that even stupid questions are worth answering nicely.

Myranda

Can I group together a whole load of things into "everything I hear when people chat in lectures..." ??

I mean you pay £9000 a year, then don't pay attention to what you already paid for... not only that you are annoying people who ARE trying to pay attention.

I do however hear a lot of very stupid things as the teamspeak (now Discord) channel I spend a lot of time in has some 17 yr olds and apparently common sense and knowledge are no longer taught to these people as they know nothing... and say "bear" instead of "lots/many/big/very/etc" generally speaking I'm hearing enough stupid things that I have stopped taking note of what I hear for funny anecdotes

I did have someone ask "what's the difference between bits and bytes" after 12 weeks of a Computing degree (that we're both on) does that count?

Myranda

Fatfingers said:

We had an ad girl working for us who came out with a succession of questions so stupid we eventually had to sack her as we couldn't get any work done for laughing.

For instance, 'how many quarter page ads can we fit on a page.'

'What time does the 24-hour garage shut?'

Maybe they're used to 24 hour supermarkets ... which because of Sunday trading laws have to close at midnight on Saturday and are only open 6 hours on Sunday then re-open monday morning some time... you know because everyone in the UK observes Sunday as a holy day and doesn't ever need foodstuffs at 16:05 ... 

RocknRollDave

That rapper chap who was in the news recently saying the Earth was flat...B.O.B. is his name. Google him. Cretin.


On a similar note, that muslim cleric a short while back who was filmed telling his students the same thing.

bazzabalboa

"120w heads are available so that a Telecaster can sound as loud as a les paul in a 100w Marshall"

^ I overheard a sales guy say this in a guitar store.... I stared at him in disbelief...

Emp_Fab

Oooh... sales guys !  I once heard a PC World employee explain to a couple who'd come to collected their repaired PC that the problem was 'carbon scoring' on the processor.

HAL9000

When my daughter was living in Los Angeles, several people on hearing her English accent asked her how long it had taken her to drive there.

HAL9000

Teacher at my secondary school...

'Children, you're teenagers now, so I expect you to behave like grown-ups'.

HAL9000

Rowby1;958641" said:

Friend of my wifes watch "Titanic" at the cinema was heard to say "Oh no! It's going to sink!"

Reminds me a conversation I once overheard in Blockbusters (remember them?)...

Girl: Well what film do you fancy then?
Boy: How about Titanic?
Girl: What's that about then?
Boy: A couple who fall in love, and then the boat they're on sinks.
Girl: Nah, you've spoilt the ending now.

kossofffan

£189.99 for a Way Huge Overrated Special Overdrive !

stratman3142

"Who turns the cat's eyes (road) on at night?"

HAL9000

'Why don't you get a hobby instead of playing your guitar all the time?'

Bygone_Tones

My mates girlfriend genuinely believes the stig on top gear is Michael Schumacher.