I need some help on how to get organised

Drew_TNBD

Okay... so I could do with some advice on how to sort my shit out. I've got a wide variety of interests and I have promise in all of them (big ego much?) but I just don't really dedicate myself. This has to change. I'm really tired of letting the depression and negative thoughts win out. I often just feel like I don't want to do "anything" and I end up sat at a computer. It's default mode for me, and I just turned 32 and I've been this way since I was a teenager.

With that in mind, what can I do? Are there any good resources or techniques I can look into to help me really turn over a new leaf? With a baby on the way, this is really playing on my mind at the moment. How much time I've wasted in my life and how much I will end up wasting if I continue the way I have been.

I guess what I'm getting at it, I want to put a routine together and stick to it. I feel pretty positive about being able to do it, as long as I take it step by step.

vasselmeyer

@Drew_fx I'm pretty sure you'll get some pisstaking here, but equally you'll get some good advice. Personally, I feel 'Ive got my shit togetehr so have never felt I needed any help. However, a close freind was going through all sorts of stuff and a counsellor recommended her a book called "Build You Own Rainbow: A Workbook for Career and Life Management" by Barrie Hopson and Mike Scally.

I was babysitting for her once and idly glanced through it. It's a really really excellent book which does what it says on the front pag (the career and life management buit, not the rainbow bit). Using it as a template she has really got herself together and is in a much better place. You can pick them up for nothing on eBay.

Drew_TNBD

vasselmeyer said:

@Drew_fx I'm pretty sure you'll get some pisstaking here, but equally you'll get some good advice. Personally, I feel 'Ive got my shit togetehr so have never felt I needed any help. However, a close freind was going through all sorts of stuff and a counsellor recommended her a book called "Build You Own Rainbo2: A Workbook for Career and Life Management" by Barrie Hopson and Mike Scally.

I was babysitting for her once and idly glanced through it. It's a really really excellent book which does what it says on the front pag (the career and life management buit, not the rainbow bit). Using it as a template she has really got herself together and is in a much better place. You can pick them up for nothing on eBay.

Aye, I expect a bit. But given where a lot of us are at now in our lives, and given some of the shit a bunch of us have been through recently, it seems worthwhile to have a discussion and share tips and what not on this topic. Even if we have to put up with the bantersaurus rex popping his head in here!

I'll look into that one. I'm typically cynical when it comes to the self-help type of stuff, but I'm willing to explore.

vasselmeyer

Drew_fx said:

I'll look into that one. I'm typically cynical when it comes to the self-help type of stuff, but I'm willing to explore.

I'm completely with you on the self-help stuff. It's a massive industry, primed to sell stuff to special snowflakes but this one is recommended by many qualified counsellors. If it's not for you then all you've wasted is 99p on eBay.

TheBlueWolf

You need to fap more!

Ok pisstake done, I do a few things that keep me in a generally good mood, exercise and meditation are two of them. Also I've been trying to eat healthier.

I tend to get bored very quickly so hobbies are a must, learning new hobbies or a new interest may help.

bingefeller

What I do in work, when I have a shit load of stuff to do, is to write a list for all the stuff you have to do and go through each thing and just concentrate on that until you have it done.  

If you want to start a different routine you will probably have to start out setting aside some time each day for different parts of the routine, a bit like how a school day is broken up, and stick with it until you're comfortable with the routine.  After you have become used to the routine you can then change wee things here and there, but don't let yourself get out of sync too much or you'll be back where you started.


You say you have a promise in a lot of your interests, once you get into your new routine you will probably have to say "no" to people at some point if you have other stuff to do, so as not to let them disrupt you.

octatonic

My approach is to do things in small chunks.
I am always moving from the workshop to the drum practice room, to my living room where I have a guitar set up.

I do 15-20 mins of a thing- let's say drum practice, then go and pick up a guitar for a bit, then go to the workshop for an hour.
In amongst it all I get the lawns mowed, shopping done, meals prepared, fitting in some running or cycling, go out on my motorbike, walk the dog.
I keep practice logs for drumming and guitar- there are things I am working on at the moment with each and I keep track of that.
As long as I get a run or some exercise in 4-5 days a week, eat well and do about 2-3 hours of drumming a day and at least an hour of guitar then I'm happy.
The rest of my time is spent in the workshop.

It probably looks like I am on here more than I actually am- I have my various bits of tech logged into the forum, I'm usually about to move in between the workshop and the drum room or the living room when I am posting.

I started this post about an hour ago- I've done a couple of chunks of drum pad practice, sorted dinner out and taken the dog for a walk in between starting it and pressing 'post comment'.
Now I go to the drum pad, work on my 6 stroke roll for a few mins until the timer to turn the chicken over goes off, then I'll go up to the drum room and play until dinner is ready.

Additional: This is mostly time management stuff- it took me a long to work out what I wanted to be doing. This is what I came up with.
The wider questions of 'what do you want', probably can't help with that- no-one could help me, I had to figure it out myself.

Grunfeld

Drew_fx said:

Okay... so I could do with some advice on how to sort my shit out... I'm really tired of letting the depression and negative thoughts win out....

So... what do you want?

That was the question that turned things around.
It was said to me by someone who I shouldn't have been seeing.  But life is messy and I was seeing her. 
She was a smart lady, way smarter than me, and she said it showing me the obvious thing that a bloke is supposed to want.  But she said it to get me thinking... (because she bloody well knew I was nearly an intellectual and that my curiosity would fight with my lust.  I think she enjoyed watching the conflict.)
[My answer @Drew_fx won't be important to you].
But the question.... might be.

So what do you want?

Maybe I should give you her number; it would probably have more impact coming from her.
But I offer you her question anyway. 
It was the question that turned things around.

lloyd

I'm exactly the same as you (in this way) so no advice but I'll be keeping an close eye on the thread.

My problem is is that I can be a lazy bastard and just let time drift away-a throwback to my stoner days (of 10 years ago)....

scrumhalf

If the issue is having several things to do and not being able to make a choice then set yourself a schedule. If you make a week's worth of decisions at once it saves time, as long as you keep to your schedule.

Evilmags

Musically take lessons from someone who inspires you and stretches you. It will add a new angle to how you think about playing and make you better. Baby wise, don´t worry, you cant do anything about it now, so any worry is pointless and counter productive. Learn to change nappies and get  private doctor who´ll give you a sleeping pill for the plane to Japan (and don´t tell the mrs). And always remember, productivity is all about the value of what you produce, not how many hours you spend doing it. I´d also note if you are an "early starter" among your peers with kids, move some of your social life to home. It means you are not so isolated when looking after the kid, and you don´t create barriers with your friends. 

Heartfeltdawn

Figure out what to dump out of your life and what to go for. The new job I'm starting tomorrow has helped in that the shift patterns really do split my time up in a nice way. I can balance enough study with music, enough exercise and running with other things. Shit, I'm so well managed right now there's even designated shagging times with the FWB. 18 months of this is in the plan, it's being treated like an extended school year. 

At the same time, I've also decided to give up on the notion of playing cricket again next year. I would love to do it but this had to be weighed up against everything else. Cricket won't get me a better job (studying will). Playing cricket runs the risk of injuring myself again, meaning more time wasted. Playing again might mean dealing with the same boring masculine shit I hated twenty years ago. 

List all the interests and then really tear them apart in terms of how much they mean to you, potential for development and growth, and whether they're really good for you or just idle wanking (although if you've got idle wanking on the list of interests, I'd retain it for a bit longer). 

guitarfishbay

To do list. Diary - an accomplishments type diary, not a planner diary. Do these as often as works for you, get your wife involved for a bit of accountability if she's willing.

You do a ton of stuff but are very self critical. Anyone good at anything is usually self critical. But recognising when you've achieved something is healthier than getting down about something you've not done yet. You can only do one thing at a time and most people over estimate what they'll get done in a given time period. If you spend too long anxious and beating yourself up about what you've not done yet you'll trap yourself into not getting anything done at all, which is worse.

Sometimes you need a small goal - if you feel down and don't want to do anything at all, but you make yourself do 20 mins of something towards a goal then that should be recognised as a success for that day.

HAL9000

As others have said, make a to do list for the next day. Then start your day by working your way through the list before you put on the computer.

Niallmo

In work (various retail companies) I've often had to stop people from trying to complete a big list of tasks.  When there are lots of things on a list you'll never get them all done and feel like you haven't achieved anything.  I tell them to pick three; what three things can have the most impact today.  It works really well and often gets the priorities sorted out better.

octatonic

I don't like 'to do' lists.
I set alarms in my phone for anything that absolutely has to happen in a particular day or time but I find that I work better knowing *roughly* what has to get done on a daily basis and working on that.
YMMV.

capo4th

Stop wanking 

holnrew

Life is tough like that. I'm coming out of a deep depression and I have loads of things to fix that I neglected during that time. Yesterday I cleaned my kitchen sink which stank and had a film ofbacteria over everything in it. Now I feel more able to clean the rest of my dishes and get my kitchen clean, which starts a ball rolling. Looking after myself first makes me feel more ready to do the other things. I suspect you don't have as much difficulty with personal hygiene as I do, but there are other ways we neglect ourselves, and organisation is related to self esteem. If you don't feel worthwhile it makes it harder to do things we feel we don't deserve, like a happy stress free life. One thing my last CBT lady said has stuck with me, that I won't ever feel worth it if I don't start acting as though I am and do the things that make life more comfortable.

I dunno I kind of rambled there and none of it may apply to you, but I guess what I mean is start small, let yourself feel good about it, and the ball kind of starts rolling from there.

guitarfishbay

octatonic said:

I don't like 'to do' lists.
I set alarms in my phone for anything that absolutely has to happen in a particular day or time but I find that I work better knowing *roughly* what has to get done on a daily basis and working on that.
YMMV.

I don't think daily to do lists work for everyone either. But at points where I've felt overwhelmed by stuff I have made myself sit down and actually write out what shit I have to do, what I want to do, and what I'd like to do. Half the time I'm trying to do too much and have to accept that goal A is the priority and goal B can take more time etc. Or if it is a day that doesn't go to plan just doing something can be better than doing nothing. Accepting that as OK, rather than feeling bad for not doing or achieving everything, basically takes re-wiring your thought process if you're a naturally negative/self critical type.

Once your brain is working smoothly then getting stuff done is easier, and can require less formal planning/positive review. For whatever reason some people have to work a lot harder to get to this point than others.

At the end of the day people need to find what works for them. 

hywelg

I spend too much time on here. Need to man up and get some work done.......

ourmaninthenorth

Stop comparing.

 Stop thinking everything you do is wrong.

 Be yourself - who the fuck else can you be?

Remember yourself.

Screw up all the courage you can muster, and love someone....and let them love you back. 

That's what I've been trying to do for the past 20 years...it takes practise, and in my case a lot of help. 



That'll be 3 thousand guineas..pay the nurse if you would.