Help with a project (likability)

relic245

I have a project to do for my NLP Masters and I've chosen the area of 'likability' to study.

To me this doesn't necessarily mean someone who is instantly likable. I'm more interested in people who are likable over a long period of time. It could be professional or personal.

I would really appreciate if anyone would share their views about what this means. General views are very valuable as well as the following questions:

1) What do likable people do really well?
2) What don't likable people do?
3) What is the most important part of likability from your perspective.

Example answers could be.

1) They give feedback in a very constructive way
2) They rarely show their moods
3) Being able to make you feel that you always have their full attention.
What is important about likability that I haven't touched on?

lloyd

I like people that lick my balls.

lloyd

More seriously, people who seem genuinely interested in hearing what you have to say rather than talking about themselves or waiting for you to finish talking do they can talk about themselves.

TheBlueWolf

1 - Take a genuine interest in others.

2 - Talk about themselves, interrupting others and/or shouting over them in order to focus attention on themselves. 

3 - Being helpful or offering moral support.

Essentially "don't be a dick".

Drew_TNBD

Sense of humour.

starwarsnosebleed

People that own a drumkit.

Sporky

Not touching me.

relic245

Thanks everyone who replied here and those who PM'd me too. Some very good observations that will all be useful as I work on my project. Essentially I'm looking for a very "thin slice" of what makes up likability and now I have more options of what the slice could be.

holnrew

1) What do likable people do really well?

Make you feel at ease

2) What don't likable people do?

Brag, talk about themselves a lot, manipulate you.

3) What is the most important part of likability from your perspective.

Humility

Chalky

Much of the responses so far are the reasons for instantly likeableness - long term likeable does not necessarily mean they are humble listeners whose only emotional state is 'pleasant and polite'.

Bowks

TheBlueWolf said:

1 - Take a genuine interest in others.

2 - Talk about themselves, interrupting others and/or shouting over them in order to focus attention on themselves. 

3 - Being helpful or offering moral support.

Essentially "don't be a dick".

I work with the person you described in #2

I need a strategy to stop this behaviour affecting me.

Any advice.

lloyd

Bowks said:

TheBlueWolf said:

1 - Take a genuine interest in others.

2 - Talk about themselves, interrupting others and/or shouting over them in order to focus attention on themselves. 

3 - Being helpful or offering moral support.

Essentially "don't be a dick".

I work with the person you described in #2

I need a strategy to stop this behaviour affecting me.

Any advice.

Stop talking to him.

ThePrettyDamned

What makes someone likable? 

Personally: good sense of humour, whether funny themselves or just having good taste in comedy, can express an opinion and won't get offended if you disagree, common interests. 

Professionally: encourage open discussion and honesty, responsible, doesn't look for blame but solutions, and takes an interest in personal life without getting too involved. 

Myself: I'm probably too personal and talk too much about things people don't want to - not always myself, but I ask for opinions in things and express interest in personal lives a lot. Makes me instantly likable but perhaps fades long term. 

What makes someone unlikeable? 

Personally: extreme views or an unwillingness to understand views outside of their own. Hypocritical behaviour. Aggression, selfishness or being too passive. Self obsessed or unwilling to listen to others. Attention seeking to the point of squashing other personalities. 

I don't like people who do bad things, such as cheat on a partner or steal from a shop, then justify it to themselves to make it okay - I think it's lazy and shallow. Example - illegally downloading photoshop for free because they think Adobe's subscription service is unfair. 

Professionally: shirk responsibility, looks for blame, culture of fear, no interest in personal lives at all. 

Being able to make you feel they always have your attention? 

Personally: They don't need to. So long as they do often enough and offer genuine advice and assistance when needed. It's tough times where this is important and the real friends stick around. 

Professionally: actually communicating - face to face preferable, but any form is good. Explaining their position on something you have raised. 

Bowks

lloyd said:

Bowks said:

TheBlueWolf said:

1 - Take a genuine interest in others.

2 - Talk about themselves, interrupting others and/or shouting over them in order to focus attention on themselves. 

3 - Being helpful or offering moral support.

Essentially "don't be a dick".

I work with the person you described in #2

I need a strategy to stop this behaviour affecting me.

Any advice.

Stop talking to him.

I am ignoring them.

lloyd

Bowks said:

lloyd said:

Bowks said:

TheBlueWolf said:

1 - Take a genuine interest in others.

2 - Talk about themselves, interrupting others and/or shouting over them in order to focus attention on themselves. 

3 - Being helpful or offering moral support.

Essentially "don't be a dick".

I work with the person you described in #2

I need a strategy to stop this behaviour affecting me.

Any advice.

Stop talking to him.

I am ignoring them.

Problem solved.