I had a fantastic idea yesterday, just need to talk through the maths...

Cirrus

So, without wanting to get too political I was thinking of weird and wonderful ways of getting rid of the new Orange Overlord over on the other side of the pond.

An idea came to me with such clarity I actually said "whoa!" out loud;

We could take all the water on earth, and place it in a cylindrical column 1cm squared in cross sectional area above his head, then let it fall on him. Think about it - countless trillions of tons of water, raining down on him forever.

Then I got to wondering about the practicalities of my scheme. Firstly, how much water IS there on earth? A quick google search gives me 1,338,000,000 cubic Kilometers. I wanted to know the height of my column of water, so some quick maths was in order. Because we know the cross section of the column will be a mere 1cm2, all we need to know is the volume of water in cubic cm and we'll have the height of said column.

There are 1 million cubic cm in a cubic m, and 1 billion cubic meters in a cubic km. So,

1,338,000,000 km3 in m3 = 1,338,000,000,000,000,000 m3. And that in cm3 = 1,338,000,000,000,000,000,000,000.

So that's pretty straightforward. The column of water would be 1,338,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 cm tall or a mere 13,380,000,000,000,000,000km. That's quite a big number, I can't quite get my head around it. A light year is 9,461,000,000,000km, so the column of water falling on the Orange one's head would be 1.338e19 / 9.461e12 = 1,414,226.83 light years.

Now we're talking in units we can get our heads around. almost 1.5 million light years, which is well over halfway to Andromeda.

The more I thought about my scheme, the less practical it seemed. To begin with, the Donald would be getting wet, no doubt about it. But the water more than a few meters over his head would be dispersing by the time it hit him, it'd just be like rain. Then a fine spitting. Then it'd miss him. Water above a certain height would evaporate into the air before it hit the ground. Water above that would turn into suspended ice crystals. Go out far enough, and the vast majority of the water wouldn't even reach earth; it'd be too far to be pulled in by our gravity well.

As a method of killing, I'd rate it 0/10.

Ravenous

What is this, O-level waterboarding?

jd0272

You get too much time for lunch matey...;)

fields5069

Yeah, but isn't the water in a tube?

maltingsaudio

Think he'd spot it first and ask his entourage for an umbrella

Cirrus

Not deterred, I called a friend and talked it through. We agreed that what was needed was a more viscous liquid, so that the stuff near the bottom falling would actually pull the liquid above it down through the atmosphere.

The answer is obvious. Still a column 1cm in cross sectional area, but let's make it out of all the spunk ever to be ejaculated.

This seems more sensible than the water plan. At a rough estimate, 50 billion males have lived. But how to calculate the amount of spunk they produced? Let's give them all 25 happy years of getting their rocks off once a day. The average volume of ejaculate is about 5ml, so over the course of a year each human would produce 1.825l of spunk. Multiply that be 25 to get total per human = 24.625l over a lifetime. Multiply that by the 50 billion = 2,281,250,000,000l of spunk in our column, or 2,281,250,000,000,000 cm3.

So the column would be a mere 22,812,500,000 km tall! that's 241.12 lightyears, which is still a lot but I think it's doable, especially if we set it in motion and calculate a curve that lets it swing by other gravity wells as it ploughs into the earth.

I think this one might work.

JezWynd

If the water was clapping and cheering I'm betting he'd stand there for it. And then blame the failing press.

BigMonka

Cirrus said:

An idea came to me with such clarity I actually said "whoa!" out loud;

We could take all the water on earth, and place it in a cylindrical column 1cm squared in cross sectional area...

The more I thought about my scheme, the less practical it seemed. 

Did it really take a second thought to realise the impractical nature of your plan?  )

Ravenous

I think we've actually found the one person on Earth who's even crazier than Trump.

Cirrus

BigMonka said:

Cirrus said:

An idea came to me with such clarity I actually said "whoa!" out loud;

We could take all the water on earth, and place it in a cylindrical column 1cm squared in cross sectional area...

The more I thought about my scheme, the less practical it seemed. 

Did it really take a second thought to realise the impractical nature of your plan?  )

Yeah but on third thought, it's not as impossible as it seems - probably worth a shot?

Ravenous

Cirrus said:

Let's give them all 25 happy years of getting their rocks off once a day.

You don't know what real marriage is like, do you

ourmaninthenorth

I like the idea..it's got legs.

Not sure about talking on the phone about it though...a wet team is quite possibly en route as we speak....

Modulus_Amps

Pressure = ρ g h   - with water that height is would not rain on him it would be at such a high pressure it would cut right through him, maybe even slice the whole world in two.... better not risk it.....

Cirrus

Ravenous said:

Cirrus said:

Let's give them all 25 happy years of getting their rocks off once a day.

You don't know what real marriage is like, do you

I am an eternal optimist.

fields5069

Ravenous said:

Cirrus said:

Let's give them all 25 happy years of getting their rocks off once a day.

You don't know what real marriage is like, do you

There was no mention of a partner being involved.

MattBanshee

Your plan, though diabolical in design, would only make Trump more powerful. All of a sudden, he has control of literally all the water on earth, and will be able to charge whatever he wants to distribute it. Billions would die and the planet destroyed, even worse than it will be when he launches the nukes.

Ravenous

fields5069 said:

Ravenous said:

Cirrus said:

Let's give them all 25 happy years of getting their rocks off once a day.

You don't know what real marriage is like, do you

There was no mention of a partner being involved.

You mean, standing as an independent member and losing your deposit?

Dopesick

10/10 thread

PolarityMan

I always thought that one of Trumps major weaknesses would be a carnival style crazy house of mirrors.

Cirrus

Just another thought re; the spunk column. It's only 1cm squared in area. It'll mostly be frozen, I'm thinking if you hit his head at the right angle, maybe fashioned the front into a drill and spun it, it wouldn't kill him. That'd be better, because then he'd know about it as all the spunk ever ejaculated passed through his cranium. That somehow seems quite poetic and elegant. 


If I have time, I wonder if I should calculate the same for all the piss ever pissed. Maybe that'd be more his style?

benmurray85

This all sounds awfully mean spirited