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In this Discussion
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Planning a wedding
So, Miss Bristol has made a terrible mistake and agreed to be my better half.
I absolutely 100% can't be dealing with wedding websites/forums/fayres just yet, so after any practical pointers from those who have been there and done it, both from a practical and financial standpoint of planning. Hoping I'll get some practical 'manly' wedding tips (no offence to any lovely lady guitarists!) rather than what I might find on most wedding sites!!
We will have to finance the whole thing ourselves and are starting from a savings position of precisely....nil!
So it's going to take us a fair bit of time to save the required cash anyway, but some pointers on doing things in a cost effective yet still tasteful way would be good.
We only bought our first house last year with just a 5% deposit and we kind of resent having to spend wild sums of money on a party largely for other people (if we had our way we'd disappear to a foreign clime and do it with just the two of us...but it's not worth the family strife!)
On the other hand we want it to be as tasteful and nice as possible without going mad.
We're probably looking at 50 or so day guests and up to 100 evening so not the largest of weddings. It's also a bonus that we want to do
it in January which I guess will be 'off peak' and venue hire etc likely to be cheaper.
I absolutely 100% can't be dealing with wedding websites/forums/fayres just yet, so after any practical pointers from those who have been there and done it, both from a practical and financial standpoint of planning. Hoping I'll get some practical 'manly' wedding tips (no offence to any lovely lady guitarists!) rather than what I might find on most wedding sites!!
We will have to finance the whole thing ourselves and are starting from a savings position of precisely....nil!
So it's going to take us a fair bit of time to save the required cash anyway, but some pointers on doing things in a cost effective yet still tasteful way would be good.
We only bought our first house last year with just a 5% deposit and we kind of resent having to spend wild sums of money on a party largely for other people (if we had our way we'd disappear to a foreign clime and do it with just the two of us...but it's not worth the family strife!)
On the other hand we want it to be as tasteful and nice as possible without going mad.
We're probably looking at 50 or so day guests and up to 100 evening so not the largest of weddings. It's also a bonus that we want to do
it in January which I guess will be 'off peak' and venue hire etc likely to be cheaper.
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Comments
It also felt like they cared more about us having a good day than the money they made from it. Apparently their wedding business pretty much covered their bursaries so the kids that couldn't afford to go could go.
We did budget ours quiet tightly as we were in a similar boat having not long moved house and having a young baby we didn't want to go too extravagant. Couple of suggestions worth looking into that we did:
Don't skimp on the photographer if you want nice photos and book them as early as you can.
expect to add 50-100% to the price of everything as soon as you mention the W word
we did the whole thing very cheap and basically had a big party after a registry office do.
we hired a village hall at £17 per hour (only charged for 5 hrs but had it Friday afternoon to Sunday night for decoration and clean up.
A jacket spud van for £3 a head.
a covers band at "mates rates".
invites were postcards at 20p each
Instagram
So my advice is, especially for venues to limit yourself to a single weekend viewing only real candidates (ie/ exclude anything out of your budget or that you wouldn't be happy using, only look at the top of a shortlist, this will prob be 4-5 venues max) and to make a decision at the end of that weekend.
From talking to friends the venue choosing seems like it can go on for months and months.
We spent a fair bit but still a chunk below what goes for "average" these days.
Web research is fine, but you don't need magazines and fricking wedding fairs - if you don't already know you need it, you probably don't need it.
We did ours on a relatively small budget, as neither of us had any savings either.
We got married on a Thursday (day before the Good Friday bank holiday), so we got the venue which was really nice hotel function suite, the DJ, and the photographer for a fair bit less than the standard weekend rates.
As the Friday was a bank holiday, it also meant that the majority of our evening guests didn't have work the next day, so the party ended up being fantastic
Also had no sit down meal. The service was at 1pm and the reception was at 7:30pm, so people had plenty of time to sod off and have something to eat at their own expense
Congratulations by the way.
Congratulations!
Don't fall into the trap of worrying about pleasing other people. Its your wedding---do what you want to do. Obviously there are some limitations but don't feel pressured into doing things "because you have to". If you're inviting 100+ people I can guarantee that you will not please everyone no matter what you do---so do what makes you happy (and save the concessions for really important people like your parents). Great Aunt Ethel and that guy who you think might be your mum's second cousin twice removed may not like the Ska covers band you've booked but that's their problem
. People who love you will understand its your day.
Don't want an expensive cake? Don't bother having one. Its your wedding.
Don't want to do a first dance? Don't do one. Its your wedding.
Don't want to spend £1000s on a dress? Buy a nice dress off the high street, or a vintage one from a vintage shop, or whatever the hell your fiancé wants to wear. Its your wedding.
When I got married we did it *relatively* cheap because we didn't want to spend a house deposit on a party. We got a relative to make the cake---honestly, traditional fruit cake is really easy to make. I guarantee you that you know someone up to the task. My wife made the invites. In these days of vistaprint and all that jazz even if you're rubbish at art you can get nice personalised cards etc made up for way less than wedding professional will do it for.
If you want to save money on the venue then I think the cheapest way is to rent a venue yourself (cheap ones include things like village halls, church halls, etc) and get outside caterers in. If you can provide your own bar its cheaper again---mates of mine got a local brewery to bring two kegs of ale and then bought crates of champagne and wine from a wine merchant. Guests served themselves. It was fun!
One thing I wouldn't skimp on is the photographer. Get a good one that you like. The photos of the day will last a lifetime, you'll remember what the cake tasted like for about a day and your guests will remember what they ate as canapés for about a week.
We've played at weddings where for the whole evening buffet, guests have been asked to bring food - You could say this is in lieu of a present, if you're worried about putting on people. DO make sure it is organised though, with strict lists of who is bringing what, or you'll just end up with loads of the same thing.
Tables can be dressed very cheaply - start saving your jam jars etc right now. Tie a bow around a jam jar, stick some wild flowers in it...hey presto. You can make your own bunting, too.
One thing I would say is that venues are offering cheaper deals on Fridays, Sundays...I'm even playing a wedding tonight - a Monday in January! - BUT consider your guests and the time of year and whether people are likely to stay all night or want to make their excuses halfway through the evening cos they have work the next day etc.
As others have said, you don't HAVE to have the big sit-down meal - but I would add that if you're asking people to give up a large portion of their day and evening, you do need to feed them in some way, and if you ARE looking to do something different to the usual "Big wedding breakfast followed by evening buffet" I would say it would be a good idea to outline that on your invites - just something like "We've decided against a huge sit down meal, please join us instead for a buffet at 6pm" or whatever - just cos people like to know what to expect.
No relatives or friends , just us and the kids drove down from Warrington a couple of days before hand.
On the day we pretended our witnesses were held up on the motorway and got a couple of complete strangers from the library next door to do the job.
Lunch was at a seafood restaurant overlooking Tenby beach and then we got strangers to take a few photos for us with Carew Castle as the backdrop.
All in all, it probaly cost us about £1200, but most of that was the cost of the holiday cottage, days out for the kids and eating out, i.e on us, not on feeding and entertaining other people.
This approach does require you to be a bit selfish and only think of yourselves, but it worked for us.
We had a registry office wedding and a pub meal, spent the money on the honeymoon. No regrets on that!
We parked our two motorcycles outside the registry office, grabbed a couple of office girls as witnesses, emerged 25 minutes later as man and wife then jumped on our bikes and went on holiday.
Now I'm not saying that's for everyone, but don't lose sight of why you're getting married and who your wedding day is actually for.
I got married last year for the second time.
First time we spent £1k in total. This time - well it was a little bit more (probably over £10k more - Christ that's a scary thought).
Top tip - don't book a band, decide you want a different one and then lie to try and get your deposit back (I'm sure I read a thread on this recently)
As everyone has said do what you want to do. Not what every else wants or expects you to do. It's your wedding day, nobody elses.
The biggest issue we found was guests. There was so much pressure to invite certain people. My sister for example got in a right strop because I wasn't inviting a particular cousin who I hadn't seen in 16 years. But we stood our ground and invited the people we wanted to invite.
I let my (now) wife generally run the show whilst I sat back and saved the money for it.
I'd have paid 1000 times more because she was so happy and when she walked down the aisle I'll never forget how beautiful she looked and how she makes me so very happy
I got married in Gretna Green
Wedding dress in the pannier of my Suzuki GT750.
tourists as witnesses
toured Scotland
No one knew until afterwards.
My daughter is getting married in may
costing a fortune
so 31 years later ,its still got me.
Cakes: ask a relative who can bake if they'd mind doing it. My mum made my brothers cake, on the condition that it wasn't public that she'd baked it. It was lovely though, and saves about £300+ which is what a professional cake will cost you.
Invites and orders of service: I made ours. The materials were about £150, and I've a bit of an artistic streak, and my mum had some craft kit, but they turned out lovely, and would have cost £500 to get someone to make the same thing.
I also made the table plan.
Photos are a very personal thing. We wanted more "traditional" photos, and we know a very good professional photographer who did a lovely job and most importantly wasn't intrusive/bossy either, but he was expensive.
Increasingly the trend is for more "relaxed" photos, and if you've a couple of mates who are good at photography and have a decent DSLR or two you could do it fairly cheaply.
Same goes for video. My brother used a couple of mates who had GoPros and it turned out great.
Have a day that reflects both of you. Yes, it's a day for family and friends, but don't just do things because you think people will expect you to.
It was so laid back. The Hotel owner and Photographer were our witnesses (the only people with us). The Dinner was in the Rose garden of the Hotel and we spent the Evening looking down over the lake and town from a Mountainside Restaurant.
Amazing! Wouldn't change a thing.
Like many of you here, I've been to LOTS of Weddings. It certainly helped us to know what we didn't want.
Congratulations! As others have said, enjoy your day whatever you decide to do and don't get carried away trying to please others.
My stepson son had a picnic style wedding meal. They bought pies, pate, cheeses and cooked meats. Put them in a picnic basket for each table with salad stuff, pickles, bread and crackers and everyone sorted themselves out.
Buy your own wine. Even if the venue charge corkage, it still works out cheaper than what they'll supply, and it'll probably be better stuff. Chose your wine and then keep an eye out for offers at supermarkets. Buy in bulk and you'll get discount too. The venue we used wanted £30 a bottle for their mediocre stuff, we bought our own for around £10 a bottle, corkage was £5 a bottle.
I agree on getting a decent photographer but you really don't need to spend the thousands that some will charge. Ours was £800 for the whole day and he got some brilliant pictures. Ask around and go on personal recommendations, sometimes you'll also get a discount if the togger is recommended by a friend.