Okay... so I could do with some advice on how to sort my shit out. I've got a wide variety of interests and I have promise in all of them (big ego much?) but I just don't really dedicate myself. This has to change. I'm really tired of letting the depression and negative thoughts win out. I often just feel like I don't want to do "anything" and I end up sat at a computer. It's default mode for me, and I just turned 32 and I've been this way since I was a teenager.
With that in mind, what can I do? Are there any good resources or techniques I can look into to help me really turn over a new leaf? With a baby on the way, this is really playing on my mind at the moment. How much time I've wasted in my life and how much I will end up wasting if I continue the way I have been.
I guess what I'm getting at it, I want to put a routine together and stick to it. I feel pretty positive about being able to do it, as long as I take it step by step.
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I was babysitting for her once and idly glanced through it. It's a really really excellent book which does what it says on the front pag (the career and life management buit, not the rainbow bit). Using it as a template she has really got herself together and is in a much better place. You can pick them up for nothing on eBay.
I'll look into that one. I'm typically cynical when it comes to the self-help type of stuff, but I'm willing to explore.
Ok pisstake done, I do a few things that keep me in a generally good mood, exercise and meditation are two of them. Also I've been trying to eat healthier.
I tend to get bored very quickly so hobbies are a must, learning new hobbies or a new interest may help.
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If you want to start a different routine you will probably have to start out setting aside some time each day for different parts of the routine, a bit like how a school day is broken up, and stick with it until you're comfortable with the routine. After you have become used to the routine you can then change wee things here and there, but don't let yourself get out of sync too much or you'll be back where you started.
You say you have a promise in a lot of your interests, once you get into your new routine you will probably have to say "no" to people at some point if you have other stuff to do, so as not to let them disrupt you.
I am always moving from the workshop to the drum practice room, to my living room where I have a guitar set up.
I do 15-20 mins of a thing- let's say drum practice, then go and pick up a guitar for a bit, then go to the workshop for an hour.
In amongst it all I get the lawns mowed, shopping done, meals prepared, fitting in some running or cycling, go out on my motorbike, walk the dog.
I keep practice logs for drumming and guitar- there are things I am working on at the moment with each and I keep track of that.
As long as I get a run or some exercise in 4-5 days a week, eat well and do about 2-3 hours of drumming a day and at least an hour of guitar then I'm happy.
The rest of my time is spent in the workshop.
It probably looks like I am on here more than I actually am- I have my various bits of tech logged into the forum, I'm usually about to move in between the workshop and the drum room or the living room when I am posting.
I started this post about an hour ago- I've done a couple of chunks of drum pad practice, sorted dinner out and taken the dog for a walk in between starting it and pressing 'post comment'.
Now I go to the drum pad, work on my 6 stroke roll for a few mins until the timer to turn the chicken over goes off, then I'll go up to the drum room and play until dinner is ready.
Additional: This is mostly time management stuff- it took me a long to work out what I wanted to be doing. This is what I came up with.
The wider questions of 'what do you want', probably can't help with that- no-one could help me, I had to figure it out myself.
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That was the question that turned things around.
It was said to me by someone who I shouldn't have been seeing. But life is messy and I was seeing her.
She was a smart lady, way smarter than me, and she said it showing me the obvious thing that a bloke is supposed to want. But she said it to get me thinking... (because she bloody well knew I was nearly an intellectual and that my curiosity would fight with my lust. I think she enjoyed watching the conflict.)
[My answer @Drew_fx won't be important to you].
But the question.... might be.
So what do you want?
Maybe I should give you her number; it would probably have more impact coming from her.
But I offer you her question anyway.
It was the question that turned things around.
My problem is is that I can be a lazy bastard and just let time drift away-a throwback to my stoner days (of 10 years ago)....
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At the same time, I've also decided to give up on the notion of playing cricket again next year. I would love to do it but this had to be weighed up against everything else. Cricket won't get me a better job (studying will). Playing cricket runs the risk of injuring myself again, meaning more time wasted. Playing again might mean dealing with the same boring masculine shit I hated twenty years ago.
List all the interests and then really tear them apart in terms of how much they mean to you, potential for development and growth, and whether they're really good for you or just idle wanking (although if you've got idle wanking on the list of interests, I'd retain it for a bit longer).
You do a ton of stuff but are very self critical. Anyone good at anything is usually self critical. But recognising when you've achieved something is healthier than getting down about something you've not done yet. You can only do one thing at a time and most people over estimate what they'll get done in a given time period. If you spend too long anxious and beating yourself up about what you've not done yet you'll trap yourself into not getting anything done at all, which is worse.
Sometimes you need a small goal - if you feel down and don't want to do anything at all, but you make yourself do 20 mins of something towards a goal then that should be recognised as a success for that day.
I set alarms in my phone for anything that absolutely has to happen in a particular day or time but I find that I work better knowing *roughly* what has to get done on a daily basis and working on that.
YMMV.
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I dunno I kind of rambled there and none of it may apply to you, but I guess what I mean is start small, let yourself feel good about it, and the ball kind of starts rolling from there.
I don't think daily to do lists work for everyone either. But at points where I've felt overwhelmed by stuff I have made myself sit down and actually write out what shit I have to do, what I want to do, and what I'd like to do. Half the time I'm trying to do too much and have to accept that goal A is the priority and goal B can take more time etc. Or if it is a day that doesn't go to plan just doing something can be better than doing nothing. Accepting that as OK, rather than feeling bad for not doing or achieving everything, basically takes re-wiring your thought process if you're a naturally negative/self critical type.
Once your brain is working smoothly then getting stuff done is easier, and can require less formal planning/positive review. For whatever reason some people have to work a lot harder to get to this point than others.
At the end of the day people need to find what works for them.
Stop thinking everything you do is wrong.
Be yourself - who the fuck else can you be?
Remember yourself.
Screw up all the courage you can muster, and love someone....and let them love you back.
That's what I've been trying to do for the past 20 years...it takes practise, and in my case a lot of help.
That'll be 3 thousand guineas..pay the nurse if you would.