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A minimum session is a rinse, 2 buckets, dry and a coat of Sonax BSD and it will still take an hour.
<a href="http://imgur.com/dW1e7mv"><img src="http://i.imgur.com/dW1e7mv.jpg" title="source: imgur.com" /></a>
No matter how clean or shiny, all of them suffered varying forms of vandalism, be it keying or doors being opened against them, some while I'm sat in it.. That, my serious lack of work and therefore money and my recent loss of confidence driving around here just totally killed my enthusiasm for cleaning the car .
I'm in the group who only wash cars when they're filthy, in the car wash every winter. Would love to do it for 'relaxation' but srsly, so many things I'd rather do in an hour. Last time I washed mine for pleasure was about 7 years ago, at my granddad's when my he was still alive and we did it together, with him and his chamois on the windows.
In another life, I have a p/t job where vehicles have to be cleaned & refuelled after use, so once a month I'll use the jetwash and a brush. A couple of times I've cleaned one to VIP standard (inside/out, door and boot sills, glass, insects off the front and wax etc.). Amazing how you think the car's clean but the jet still get spiders out of the wing mirrors or crap from roof sills!
Last year I cleaned the wife's car properly - first time in 5 years and only, as @Paul_C said, beacuse there was green mold on the rear windows.
Full valet once a month - £10
Like Sporky used to, I get mine done once a month on expenses or when the boot lid starts leaving black marks on my hands. I take it to the local "Eastern European Immigrants" hand wash place. They know how to graft. Only £5 but no matter how stinking the car is, there won't be a speck of dirt on it when you drive away. Best car wash I've ever had. Hooray for Eastern European Immigrants. The workshy local fuckers up by Tesco can barely be bothered to get their arses off the chairs, never mind clean the car properly.
Offset "(Emp) - a little heavy on the hyperbole."
Defenders look good dirty and the occasional dent helps!
Always start at the top and work down to... not just waist height cos is easier on your posture!