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Time After Time (Iron & Wine), Make It Holy (The Staves), and Barton Hollow (The Civil Wars).
We only ran through them a couple of times before the gig itself and it all felt in place but as soon as I'm up there I get panicky and forget bits.
It happens each time, and the next time (when there is one) I think about the last time and that doesn't help and I'm in a loop of fear!
I should probably play more at home and have my own set of songs rather than learn stuff at short notice like I tend to do.
There's a really fine line between being under-rehearsed and over-rehearsed, but for my part I tend to get over the "Shitshitshit I'm going to screw it up" by having an alternate plan; for every solo/chorus/verse I have a backup plan to use when I'm not having a good night. That goes a long way towards alleviating the nerves, because I always know that if it starts to go wrong then I've got something easier to play.
Admittedly, there's a lot more work in it, but there's nothing better for keeping the show going than familiarity with the material.
With that said...it does sound a bit like you've rarely had a good show, which won't be helping you. The solution? Gig more, with stuff that you know inside-out and can't possibly go wrong with.
And, of course, relax. It's not the end of the world if it goes wrong. Seriously, watch this from about 2:20 onwards...
Even the guys who've been touring solidly for years get it wrong sometimes.
Gig is tomorrow? No point getting nervous until the day itself.
Gig is tonight? No point getting nervous until the hour before.
Gig is in an hour? No point getting nervous until the minute before.
You would be surprised but this self-deception can work! Oh and regarding that last minute, just imagine you are wearing a cape. Seriously.
EDIT: Great vid @digitalscream!! I like how he seems unfazed and gets the audience in on the act, still entertaining even as the song goes to shit.
That's my problem though, if I screw up there's usually nobody else to cover me so I then worry about screwing up...
If you were ok in a band it must be (the entirely understandable) pressure of carrying the gig yourself.
Didn't you mention an open mic spot? I'd do it regularly and crucially, with a couple of songs you know well. That'll increase your confidence and give you experience of dealing with the inevitable mistakes.
The ideal scenario - and my favourite gigs - are when I get really in the moment, almost forget about playing and just let it happen.
Failing that I'd get some diazepam. Bosh. Problem solved.
1) Performance inadequacy
2) Performance anxiety
You can have one, or the other, or both. The solutions for each are different.
If the basic problem is that you can’t play the stuff adequately and you’re worried that that you’re going to stuff up then the solution is practice. At least this one both feels and is totally under your control.
Performance anxiety is different. It’s not confined to musicians. You can have it in the exam room, or public speaking, on the golf course, in the second violins, or down the Dog & Duck. Performance anxiety is a problem of thinking. Even a proportion of insomniacs can't sleep because they essentially have performance anxiety for sleep.
It’s seldom a specific fear, it’s more a generalised feeling of dread, and nervousness, with the entire committee in your head going off and paralysing your focus and enjoyment and ability to get on with the task.
The solution is to overcome that habitual thinking and, (I would say this wouldn’t I), hypnotherapy works and CBT works. And hypnosis combined with CBT works a treat and that’s what I tend to use with clients unless I’ve got a really good hypnotic subject in which case I’ll do it all with hypnosis.
The crowd loved us and we had several people tell us we should do more together. Even got offered a gig! But for some fucked up reason I don't think their compliments are justified.
Seriously though, you have to cultivate a stage persona that doesn't care about cock-ups, and just does a self-deprecating smile or says "oops", laughs and carries on. You have to fake it until it becomes real.
Nuno does not get away with it because of the drummer, but because he shows grace and calm under pressure, even if inside he is going "shit shit shit".
At open mic nights especially, everyone is rooting for you because they have all been there! They are a great way to gain this confidence and stage-craft because you will get clapped just for showing up. There are plenty of people who wish they could do what you have done.
Routine is your friend . I don't really relax until I've turned my guitar up and did a @whacka whacka@ noise.
Then I know the equipment works and I'll be fine. It also helps to have a bit of a persona to hide behind. You don't have to strut about like a dick (but there is nothing wrong with that.. it works for loads of people) It can be just a bigger version of your own personality.
Regardless, you have to commit to it 100%. People will believe it if you believe it... if you wobble they will notice.
Also worth remembering, the audience are nervous too. They want to relax and know they are in good hands so if you act like you know what you are doing and engage with them, then it will all generally be fine.
I don't think you'll ever really get rid of the nerves, in fact I'll probably chuck it if I ever do. If I ever get so complacent that I amn't nervous then I'm probably too jaded for it.
Routine routine routine
I have a thing where I always start with the same song (when I played the Chilli's Tribute it was By the Way, in the Current Band it is "shook you all night long" Helps the whole band settle down quickly and then any variations in the set are after that.
Admittedly, 99% of the guitarists in the crowd will be standing there watching for every mistake and telling their mates how they could do it better, but guitarists are assholes. We all know this.
There's no real scene round here so unless you are a gigging musician with 2 hours of material there's nowhere to play. I would probably give open mics a go if there were any.
I screwed up the harmonies and missed a cue but in this case the main vocal hid it.
The recurring theme being mentioned is about playing regularly and that's something I don't do. I used to play every day when I was younger and now it's barely monthly. Wee gigs like this one are annual, if that.
Ive found that for nerves the 'Inner Game' technique works really well.
It's all a bit Zen, but, essentially assumes a level of competence in what you at doing, and basically asks you to simply observe yourself doing the given act. If you make a mistake, try again and focus on your actions without trying to consciously change anything.
It removes you from a nervous performer to a critical observer. Or at least that's the idea.