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"So, how do you work one of these then, mate?"
I was asked this while collecting a JCB mini-digger from a customer who'd hired it for the day. He'd managed to put the digger bucket through the back window of his car, and knock one of his brick gate pillars over.
I went to see Fairport Convention with my friend Jimmy. Their new album was entirely instrumental and copies were for sale at the merchandise stall. IIRC the album sleeve featured pictures of the band gagged and there was a humorous ' lyric sheet included' line on it.
You can probably guess the rest but...Jimmy bought a copy of the album, sat in his seat, looked at it and went back to the merchandise stall to complain that no actual lyric sheet had been included. The man on the stall must have come close to pissing himself laughing. When he calmed down he was able to explain to my ( rather annoyed then embarrassed) friend the cause of the misunderstanding.
Excuse me, have you got a tin of striped paint/ packet of skyhooks/ glass hammer/ box of rubber nails/ left handed screwdriver ? My favourite was some kid asking for a skirting board ladder.
"... "
"Thanks."
Certainly mate. Just stand over there.
Love it!
One of the apprentices came to see me, one of the other engineers had told him to go and ask for a grivel pin for the foo-foo valve.
I said "Yeah, just wait there a mo'" and disappeared into the back for a few seconds and to his surprise returned to give him a 1m long square-section steel bar with a handle on it. "There you go, sign here"
I went into the office and said: "Hello, I'm the project manager for software X and I've just dropped in to make sure everything is working ok and to help out if you have any problems"
A lady said: "I have a problem, my desk lamp isn't working"
I suggested she might want to call facilities management and she said: "Oh for GOD SAKE!, you people are all the BLOODY SAME!"
Our company has a system where you can mention people for doing useful things; one got a mention for closing some blinds during a presentation. (I have a junk rule to "file" those emails!)
(She rang a plant hire firm.)
*for anyone who needs to know, the 5th wheel is the coupling mechanism that allows a trailer to be hooked up to the unit.
I shall remember this. I have a regular who needs this throwing at him (he'd see the funny side)
Ringleader of the Cambridge cartel, pedal champ and king of the dirt boxes (down to 21)
Supportact said: [my style is] probably more an accumulation of limitations and bad habits than a 'style'.
You can blame the Australians for that, they virtually single handedly destroyed the reputation of chardonnay trying to mimic proper oak aging one grand scale. Loads of good (and cheaper) unoaked chardonnays if Chablis float your boat.
I lost my job at the garden centre after that.