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I came back to work and asked around to see what other people would say.
A lot of my colleagues said the same stuff I said, asked for more details, how shelf stacking is relevant to an animal not from around these parts, how bigs the fridge, why would you even bother, its cruel etc.
But a grand total of 3 people responded with ‘I’d cut the giraffe up into bits’, one went on to say ‘first I’d snap the neck’..
Who the hell am I working with?
The account manager, Honky Percy, and sales director (the aforementioned Stinky Doug) were both a bit dim about it though - both commented that they weren't sure he had the "charisma" of the outgoing chap (who we will call Bogwater Bobo).
The outgoing chap says "mate" a lot but is technically a complete buffoon, and has learnt almost nothing in two years here. I have to fix almost every single one of his designs because he's too lazy to check anything and won't read manuals.
I said I'd rather have quiet and competent than loud and useless. I think the turning point was when Honky Percy said that the prospective new chap "would have to fill some big shoes", and I replied "Yes, but we can probably get him a new squeaky red nose though."
The really worrying bit is that Bogwater Bobo is off to join a consultant we already work with. I'm not convinced he can spell "consultant".
Seriously: If you value it, take/fetch it yourself
He's not mean, and he's not proper deep-down-dumb, but he lacks attention to detail, he doesn't have that determination to do everything as well as possible.
We're the sort of company where mistakes don't get you into full on Trouble - everyone focuses on solving the problem. But most of us do feel bad when we make a mistake that requires other people to put effort in; he sees it as everyone else's job to pick up his slack.
Honky Percy also said something about how the new chap seemed very detail-driven and that that might mean he didn't bash quotes out as fast as Bobo does; I made it very, very clear that this is a massive advantage. The quickest way to do anything is to do it right, unless you don't care about stabbing future you in the back.
Seriously: If you value it, take/fetch it yourself
Applicant: "Good lord, no!"
Interviewer: "Why not - what are you, a pussy?"
That'll get you through the applicant pool and out to an early lunch. Job done.
None of my coworkers actually smell, and they aren't called Doug, Percy, Harry or Bobo, but it's important to have secret names for them so you can discuss them without them knowing.
He spells it wrong though. So maybe I should be Stanky Sporky.
For real though I did wear proper shoes.
Which by the way, any sufferers of plantar fasciitis in?
More than 10 minutes standing in most shoes is absolute agony!
My gut reaction: "I am not a commercial product".
My secondary thinking: "I like classic, traditional designs that are great if executed with an eye to quality. EG (IMO) Gibson guitars, Norton motorbikes, Quad or Radford HiFi. Maybe I should say something like that".i
After few seconds' pause, I voiced my gut reaction.
Seriously: If you value it, take/fetch it yourself