Things you have told the police

Foster

A comment in the USA immigration shortcut through the airport thread got me thinking - what's the best thing you've told police and got away with?

I got pulled over so that the cops could search my car for drugs, even going as far as chucking the sniffer dog in the boot. This was at a festival in scotland, got pulled out of the queue and asked to park next to the coppers. Copper asked me to turn the engine off, take the keys out and get out of the car please, I didn't mind as I knew I had nothing on me.

So I got out and was asked the usual stuff:

"Do you have anything on you that you shouldn't have?"
"Errr.... No, I don't think so" (couldn't remember where I put my swiss army knife)

"Before we search the car, is there anything you have in there you want to tell us about?"
"Ok, there *might* be a dead prostitute in the boot, but in my defence she was alive when I put here there. It's been a hot day and I didn't leave her any water, so I can't promise anything"

Poor Copperwoman didn't know what to say, looked utterly speechless, I could see Copperbloke trying his best not grin madly. Finally she said "well I hope she's not dead either..."

So the car was emptied, dog shoved in, dog didn't give a damn and was more interested in the other car that was asked to pull over. Me and my mate were told to bugger off, we shoved our kit back in the car and went to camp up.

Best part of it my mate was worried, I picked him up in scotland as he came with our other mates - his drugs were in their car and they didn't get searched!

Dominic

YES ....every year going in and out of the Bulldog Bash supporting the 81

TheBlueWolf

I've got away with a fair bit over the years by saying, "No comment".

marantz1300

not guilty.

dano

Next time they pull you over tell them.you actually get off on having a latex gloved hand up the bum. 

slacker

Don't shoot

starwarsnosebleed

There is nothing under my patio slabs.

thermionic

In the late 80s the British secret services tried to implicate a prominent Welsh actor/musician in the holiday cottage burning thing by planting some wires in a wall of his farmhouse and claiming it was a bomb. He was remanded in custody and later released without charge and it received a lot of attention in the news at the time. A week or so later we were travelling back from a gig in south Wales in a hired van when were stopped by the police, about 2 in the morning on the A470 in mid-Wales somewhere. Our drummer was wearing a t-shirt with the actor's face on it saying "INNOCENT!" They asked "what do you have in the back of the van, lads?" the driver volunteered "a drumkit and a couple of guitars and amps". I was desperate to say "and some WIRES... you know, to plug them in" but I chickened out.

Blueingreen

Foster said:

A comment in the USA immigration shortcut through the airport thread got me thinking - what's the best thing you've told police and got away with?

I got pulled over so that the cops could search my car for drugs, even going as far as chucking the sniffer dog in the boot. This was at a festival in scotland, got pulled out of the queue and asked to park next to the coppers. Copper asked me to turn the engine off, take the keys out and get out of the car please, I didn't mind as I knew I had nothing on me.

So I got out and was asked the usual stuff:

"Do you have anything on you that you shouldn't have?"
"Errr.... No, I don't think so" (couldn't remember where I put my swiss army knife)

"Before we search the car, is there anything you have in there you want to tell us about?"
"Ok, there *might* be a dead prostitute in the boot, but in my defence she was alive when I put here there. It's been a hot day and I didn't leave her any water, so I can't promise anything"

Poor Copperwoman didn't know what to say, looked utterly speechless, I could see Copperbloke trying his best not grin madly. Finally she said "well I hope she's not dead either..."

So the car was emptied, dog shoved in, dog didn't give a damn and was more interested in the other car that was asked to pull over. Me and my mate were told to bugger off, we shoved our kit back in the car and went to camp up.

Best part of it my mate was worried, I picked him up in scotland as he came with our other mates - his drugs were in their car and they didn't get searched!

Frankly I think you're a very lucky boy. I've not had much dealings with the police but still know a few people who've got a night in the cells and a good hiding for behaviour a sight less provocative than that. 

HAL9000

Not quite the same thing but some years back I had one of those 'Had an accident in the last three years?' cold calls. I told the caller that it hadn't really been an accident and, anyway, the body had never been found. Thinking I was hilarious I then put the phone down.

My hilarity came to a rather abrupt end just a few minutes later as two police cars with blues and twos going pulled up outside Chéz 9000.

Actually, it turned out they were attending a neighbours property but I had a pretty heart-stopping couple of minutes before I realised this,

Kebabkid

The beds too big without you and I can't stand losing you.

Foster

Blueingreen said:

Foster said:

A comment in the USA immigration shortcut through the airport thread got me thinking - what's the best thing you've told police and got away with?

I got pulled over so that the cops could search my car for drugs, even going as far as chucking the sniffer dog in the boot. This was at a festival in scotland, got pulled out of the queue and asked to park next to the coppers. Copper asked me to turn the engine off, take the keys out and get out of the car please, I didn't mind as I knew I had nothing on me.

So I got out and was asked the usual stuff:

"Do you have anything on you that you shouldn't have?"
"Errr.... No, I don't think so" (couldn't remember where I put my swiss army knife)

"Before we search the car, is there anything you have in there you want to tell us about?"
"Ok, there *might* be a dead prostitute in the boot, but in my defence she was alive when I put here there. It's been a hot day and I didn't leave her any water, so I can't promise anything"

Poor Copperwoman didn't know what to say, looked utterly speechless, I could see Copperbloke trying his best not grin madly. Finally she said "well I hope she's not dead either..."

So the car was emptied, dog shoved in, dog didn't give a damn and was more interested in the other car that was asked to pull over. Me and my mate were told to bugger off, we shoved our kit back in the car and went to camp up.

Best part of it my mate was worried, I picked him up in scotland as he came with our other mates - his drugs were in their car and they didn't get searched!

Frankly I think you're a very lucky boy. I've not had much dealings with the police but still know a few people who've got a night in the cells and a good hiding for behaviour a sight less provocative than that. 

Yeah cos that'd go down really well - arresting someone at a festival for making their day a bit more fun. Especially when they've a couple more thousand cars to randomly search through. 

It's not as though it's Judge Dredd doing the checking, it's just a bunch of people doing a job - why not have a laugh with them?

Teetonetal

Foster said:

Blueingreen said:

Foster said:

A comment in the USA immigration shortcut through the airport thread got me thinking - what's the best thing you've told police and got away with?

I got pulled over so that the cops could search my car for drugs, even going as far as chucking the sniffer dog in the boot. This was at a festival in scotland, got pulled out of the queue and asked to park next to the coppers. Copper asked me to turn the engine off, take the keys out and get out of the car please, I didn't mind as I knew I had nothing on me.

So I got out and was asked the usual stuff:

"Do you have anything on you that you shouldn't have?"
"Errr.... No, I don't think so" (couldn't remember where I put my swiss army knife)

"Before we search the car, is there anything you have in there you want to tell us about?"
"Ok, there *might* be a dead prostitute in the boot, but in my defence she was alive when I put here there. It's been a hot day and I didn't leave her any water, so I can't promise anything"

Poor Copperwoman didn't know what to say, looked utterly speechless, I could see Copperbloke trying his best not grin madly. Finally she said "well I hope she's not dead either..."

So the car was emptied, dog shoved in, dog didn't give a damn and was more interested in the other car that was asked to pull over. Me and my mate were told to bugger off, we shoved our kit back in the car and went to camp up.

Best part of it my mate was worried, I picked him up in scotland as he came with our other mates - his drugs were in their car and they didn't get searched!

Frankly I think you're a very lucky boy. I've not had much dealings with the police but still know a few people who've got a night in the cells and a good hiding for behaviour a sight less provocative than that. 

Yeah cos that'd go down really well - arresting someone at a festival for making their day a bit more fun. Especially when they've a couple more thousand cars to randomly search through. 

It's not as though it's Judge Dredd doing the checking, it's just a bunch of people doing a job - why not have a laugh with them?

Well, I'd imagine they get sick of the constant stream of wisecracking from people who think they are funny? I wonder how many times they heard something similar over the course of the weekend?

Sambostar

I'm generally quiet when I get stopped by the police.  Usually it's the local HMRC van dipping down the road and the girl, presumable a special recognises me so I smile at her sweetly as she is quite fit and take off the filler cap and stand around talking to other lads who have been stopped. 

I did almost get arrested for being unable to stop a fit of hysterical laughing in the face of a copper once in town though.  Absolutely no one could calm me down and that rubbed him up the wrong way so nearly got arrested for 'Laughing'. 

When I got done drink driving as a nipper I admittedly talked a load of 'Drunken' bollocks but only because I was worried about all the class A drugs in my shoe outside my cell that luckily enough, were still there the next morning so that was good. 

Almost hit a copper once.  A neighbour had a police call alarm fitted for a short while.  Went around to investigate with a torch in my pyjamas at 3am and the young male PC ripped into me, bolstering his ego whilst trying to show off to his female PC colleague who was fit.  I felt this wasn't entirely warranted at 3am, considering I had gotten out of bed and walked down the road to help, so I very nearly lamped him.  Idiot.  I'm sure this is how a lot of things happen. 

Generally I find the police are fine though and go out of their way to be helpful a lot of the time so I don't make their lives more difficult, what's the point, they are paid by us to do a job anyway.  Most problems are with the law, not the police.  If you are an idiot to them, you're an idiot to yourself, I talk to them with the same respect as I would talking to any other trades or working person.  They've often called me up about a mate and they've been extremely helpful in a few situations.  Maybe I'm just getting old.

MattBanshee

I was driving back from a gig late one night with the other guitarist in the car, back seats had amps/guitars on, visible but not obstructing the view. The guitarist (Jonny) lived with his parents out in rural West Berkshire (I lived in Reading then) and the house was fenced off with a 10' wooden fence, and there were electric gates that looked the same as the fence panels from a distance.

We got to his house and pulled up on the verge just outside because Jonny wanted to have a cigarette and his parents didn't let him smoke anywhere on the premises. So, we're sitting there chatting whilst he sits with the car door open has his smoke, and next thing a police car pulls up behind us and a policewoman gets out the passenger side. 

She walks over and Jonny stands up to talk to her; she tries to have a little nose at the car, then starts asking questions quite accusationally; what are we doing; where have we been etc.

Jonny replies that we've just been at a gig, and points to the kit in the back of the car. He then demonstrates that we're parked outside his house, and presses the gate remote, and the gates swing open to reveal that we're basically parked across his driveway. The policewoman obviously realises that she's jumped to conclusions and tries to change her tone, and asks him how the gig went.

He leans forward, looks her square in the eyes, and just says "Are you flirting with me?"

Copper goes red, I've got my head in my hands. She stutters something, quickly jumps back in the car and drives away!

RandallFlagg

"It was him"

Foster

Teetonetal said:

Well, I'd imagine they get sick of the constant stream of wisecracking from people who think they are funny? I wonder how many times they heard something similar over the course of the weekend?

I'd hazard a guess that out of the few cars in front of me trying to get into the festival on day 1 - probably not a lot.

Why is it considered a bad thing to have a laugh with people? They've got a cushy festival job where they get to sit in the sun and chuck a dog in a car now and again.

Sambostar

Last Steam Fair I went to some diddies kicked off, shit load of stuff got nicked and two people got stabbed with serious injuries, I'm not sure it's all cushdy to be fair.

gubble

I always tell the police the truth. Because other than the time I was done for speeding (my fault 100%) I'm not doing anything wrong and if I lie they'd wonder what I was hiding.

Doesn't always go to plan though.

Was in the lake district (where I'm originally from) and was going for dinner at a pub in Elterwater. Parked car in the car park and went to the boot to get my other half's coat as it was raining outside. I had a torch with me as no boot light so I'm in shining torch in boot getting her coat out. The police lady taps me on the shoulder and asks what I'm up to. I explain I'm getting a coat out of the boot. She didnt' believe me, checked out I was who I said I was, the car was registered to me, it was all legal etc. After exhausting every possible line of enquiry she could think of she asks "what are you really up to" - she couldn't fathom I had a torch in my hand to get my girlfriend's coat out of the boot as it was raining and dark.

Another time I was driving into Bradford on the M606 at around 3am. Doing 70mph a Subaru imprezza comes up behind me and gets really close. For anyone who has been to Bradford being harassed by an Imprezza, Evo, Civic in the middle of the night is not uncommon. I felt uncomfortable and put my foot down to try and create a bit of a gap. Sure enough at around 78mph the blue lights came on and before I know it I was in the back of said unmarked imprezza being asked why I was speeding. I explained I was being tailgated in what I felt was an aggressive manner - this did not go down well but I stuck to my guns and asked to see the video from their car to see just how close he was to me. They showed me and it showed very clearly that I was some distance in front travelling at the speed limit. They broke the speed limit by a particularly large margin to catch me up and then sat on my tail at a distance that if I had to apply the brakes would have caused an accident. I was told to be on my way, consider myself lucky and as my number plate was so distinctive (it wasn't I'm not 100% sure what it was - it began with a P) they'd be looking out for me.

I also had a spate of being stopped in the same area last year after gigs. It felt as though my car was 'marked' in some way. Each time I'd done nothing wrong but was breathalysed, car checked over and told to be on my way. It's annoying but I've no issue as I'd rather they do checks and catch those who are drinking driving / without a license etc. Some of the reasons for stopping me though were rather random. "saw you stumbling out of the pub"  (whilst carrying a marshall 4x12) and "you took that roundabout quicker than we expected".

mike_l

I did once, when younger (18) offer a policewoman a bacon sandwich.


The full story...

I was hungover one morning, and making breakfast, hence the bacon. She came round on a door to door thing (I can't remember what for). And being polite offered her a bacon sammich.

57Deluxe

You were shite after the second album...