Things you have told the police

Emp_Fab

I've snogged a policewoman - in uniform - in a police car - in broad daylight.


OK, so she was an ex of mine who had joined the police some time after we had dated, but still....

I've also hidden in long grass whilst a van load of coppers bumbled about looking for me with torches (and failed !) - but that's another story.  (I hadn't done anything wrong btw !).

However, I've never been arrested or charged with anything more serious than speeding, even though I've done a few bad things in my youth.  Probably the most stupid thing I've ever done was flying to Magalluf with a fortnight's worth of amphetamines wedged in my shoes.  Fucking insane - right at dog's nose level.

Does all of this make me more sexually attractive to you ?

Sambostar

Emp_Fab said:

Does all of this make me more sexually attractive to you ?

Spot on.

gusman2x

Police are genuinely quite disappointed when you don't inform them that you pay their wages. So make sure you don't forget to let them know. 

jonnyburgo

Got battered by coppers in the 80s when I was 16ish. I mouthed off to them and got a good slap about, the Desk sergeant at Salford crescent said "for fucks sake lads don't mark his face" so bruised ribs for me. No wonder there have been riots.

kaypeejay

Foster said:

Teetonetal said:

Well, I'd imagine they get sick of the constant stream of wisecracking from people who think they are funny? I wonder how many times they heard something similar over the course of the weekend?

I'd hazard a guess that out of the few cars in front of me trying to get into the festival on day 1 - probably not a lot.

Why is it considered a bad thing to have a laugh with people? They've got a cushy festival job where they get to sit in the sun and chuck a dog in a car now and again.

And at least you didn't tell them you had a bomb in the boot. That may have turned out differently!

RocknRollDave

"No, I'm not the owner of the car, it's my Dad's. Well, it's a company car, so technically it isn't his either, but you know what I mean".

They checked the reg details and wished me a pleasant evening.

Only time I have ever been stopped.

Um....I may have to change my Fretboard user name to just 'Dave'....

midlifecrisis

only been stopped twice in over thirty years. Once when i pulled out of a junction a bit quick and cut up a police car. pulled me over, did the wind down the window gesture in cliched police way, stuck his head through the window "have you been drinking sir?"

"no officer" i replied.
"then youve got no excuse to drive like a prat, be on your way"
I apologised and promptly drove away.

Nitefly

I told them I hadn't ever bitten a prostitute.

starwarsnosebleed

Nitefly said:

I told them I hadn't ever bitten a prostitute.

How irresponsible. They might catch something.

agibbo

My experience is from the other side  (being a copper). I was doing a speeding operation in Birmingham when we pulled a car doing around 45 in a 30 zone. I went and spoke to the rather attractive female driver to ask why she was speeding in a residential area. She replied saying she needed to get home urgently, as she really needed a poo! She then asked if we could hurry up issuing a ticket before she shat herself, lol! Best answer ever!

Emp_Fab

You should have done the gentlemanly thing and offered her your helmet.

Foster

Emp_Fab said:

You should have done the gentlemanly thing and offered her your helmet.

I'm sure offering to block the damn is sexually inappropriate

DLM

agibbo said:

My experience is from the other side  (being a copper). I was doing a speeding operation in Birmingham when we pulled a car doing around 45 in a 30 zone. I went and spoke to the rather attractive female driver to ask why she was speeding in a residential area. She replied saying she needed to get home urgently, as she really needed a poo! She then asked if we could hurry up issuing a ticket before she shat herself, lol! Best answer ever!

Did you get her phone number? Asking for @holnrew...

sinbaadi

When I was 19 I got myself a 106 rallye, tasty little lightweight hatchback.  Sat waiting for my mates in a car park in stoke on Trent when a mondeo went past with a couple of unscrupulous looking types giving me and my car the eye.

Twice they cruised past.  Third time they stopped in front of me but I was already in reverse and swiftly departing through the empty space behind me.  Into first and swiftly down the car park, one of the untowards on foot after me.  The driver had cut me off from the exit and by that time obviously he had turned on the lights etc so it didn't take me long to figure out what was happening.

I did tell them how stupid I thought it was to do what they did, and had I had an accident in the process of fleeing what I thought was a car jacking, I would be in a very difficult position.

Foster

kaypeejay said:

Foster said:

Teetonetal said:

Well, I'd imagine they get sick of the constant stream of wisecracking from people who think they are funny? I wonder how many times they heard something similar over the course of the weekend?

I'd hazard a guess that out of the few cars in front of me trying to get into the festival on day 1 - probably not a lot.

Why is it considered a bad thing to have a laugh with people? They've got a cushy festival job where they get to sit in the sun and chuck a dog in a car now and again.

And at least you didn't tell them you had a bomb in the boot. That may have turned out differently!

Oh yeah, never pull the bomb scare card - that's just a way to get yourself shot.

Always go for the utterly absurd and keep a straight face. 

Foster

kaypeejay said:

Foster said:

Teetonetal said:

Well, I'd imagine they get sick of the constant stream of wisecracking from people who think they are funny? I wonder how many times they heard something similar over the course of the weekend?

I'd hazard a guess that out of the few cars in front of me trying to get into the festival on day 1 - probably not a lot.

Why is it considered a bad thing to have a laugh with people? They've got a cushy festival job where they get to sit in the sun and chuck a dog in a car now and again.

And at least you didn't tell them you had a bomb in the boot. That may have turned out differently!

Oh yeah, never pull the bomb scare card - that's just a way to get yourself shot.

Always go for the utterly absurd and keep a straight face.