Out of the Mouths of Babes......

Dominic

I had children very late in life and my youngest daughter is 10
 My Mother-in-Law comes for dinner yesterday and there happens to be a Lemon for squeezing on the Table which provokes my daughter to say;
" Nanny, Why do you like eating Lemons so much ?"
" I don't darling what makes you think that ?"
"Daddy told us........he said you are always walking around with a face that looks like it's been sucking on a Lemon all day "
.......There goes my customary pair of slippers for Xmas !

boogieman

My son loved playing with water when he was about three or four. During the summer we’d set up a paddling pool in the garden and he’d sit happily for hours just pouring water backwards and forwards into buckets,saucepans,  jugs, cups etc. He got home from nursery one day, rushed into the garden and shouted out “mummy, mummy, can you get your jugs out?!”  

I thought “that’s my boy.”  

Fuengi

My sisters class was asked to write a story about an animal, her story was titled 'The One Eyed Trouser Snake'.

Good job for my parents it was the 70s. 

underdog

When my son was 2 we took him to the doctor's for his injections and after went up to see my father after it.

When we got there my son went running to my father crying "Grampa the doctor gave me an erection and it made me cry" 

Corvus

When my boy was about 6 my g/f thought he might like to try Woodcraft Folk, like a hippyfied eco-Cubs type of thing. I took him the first time. Sat in a circle, the lady made the kids all choose "folk names". So they were coming out with Dancing Pony, Silver Cloud and all like that. Come my boy's turn he says "Missile Attack" ... that ladies face was a picture, I had a hard time suppressing a big ol' chortle.

Fretwired

My son aged about 7 suddenly got very interested in how my wife made roast potatoes - basically parboiled, roasted and seasoned. He made copious notes in his note book (another story) and we thought nothing of it until we went to my parents house for Sunday lunch. We were served roast beef with all the trimmings .. he pushed the potatoes round his plate and then declared that they weren't real roast potatoes. He told his grandma that his mother made better ones and proceeded to pull out his note book and lecture her on the proper procedure. He then gave her the page for reference. Stunned silence - we weren't invited back for lunch for about 2 years.

Axe_meister

My mum has me very young (19). When I was 4 I asked in a very loud voice. Where you pretty when you were young.

DefaultM

I remember walking up to my Mum and telling her I couldn't wait until she died, just to see what would happen.
There was a lot of shouting if I recall...

Sporky

DefaultM said:

I remember walking up to my Mum and telling her I couldn't wait until she died, just to see what would happen.
There was a lot of shouting if I recall...

Well, they do say it's better to regret having done a thing than not having done it.

Funkfingers

Fuengi said:

Trouser Snake

What ever happened to David Coverdale?

fob

A mate of mine likes telling a story that sounds like a skit in 'Terry and June'. Local vicar came round for tea with his mum and the local women's guild and brought along his Old English Sheepdog. The young boy gets very excited and starts shouting to everyone 'Look! it's the Durex dog.'

ronnyb

And the little boy and his mother stood in the supermarket checkout queue. The boy keeps nattering his mother for one of the sweet treats on display. She keeps refusing until he says in a loud voice "if you don't let me have one i'll tell grandma i saw you kissing daddy's willy'

DefaultM

Sporky said:

DefaultM said:

I remember walking up to my Mum and telling her I couldn't wait until she died, just to see what would happen.
There was a lot of shouting if I recall...

Well, they do say it's better to regret having done a thing than not having done it.

I think it was the fact I didn't really understand what I was saying, so it came out in quite a normal and pleasant voice. As though I'd just told her I couldn't wait to watch Fun House.

olafgarten

When my little brother was 5 we were going on holiday to Spain, and in the airport he kept asking my Mum if she had packed the Pump (for his swimming armbands).

The issue was that when he said the word 'Pump' it sounded like he was saying 'Bomb', not good for a small Muslim boy in an Airport. 

menamestom

Me and my lad were in a changing room in the swimming baths, he was about 8.

There was a guy with his kid in next door booth.  Not sure how old his kid was I never saw them, but by the sound of his voice I'd guess around 4.

Very loudly, the kid said "Daddy, why have you got 2 willies?"

The dad "I havn't.  Shh, just get ready"

"But yes you have daddy, you have TWO WILLIES"

The dad getting embarresed and exasperated "Will you please just get dressed"

Quiet for a memoment, then, "Daddy, you have got 2 willies.  I can see them.  1, 2.  Look, 2 willies!"

"SHHHHHH.  GET DRESSED PLEASE!!!!"

By this point me and the lad were pissing ourselves.  He kept looking at me saying "2 Willies?"

Now a year or 2 later, we still bring it up and burst out laughing.

I never saw the guy or his kid, and I never found out if he was indeed double dicked or his son was in some way confused with what he saw.  But it was funny.

stimpsonslostson

My three year old daughter has a mild speech impediment- she struggles with "st" and pronounces it "d".
She lives on a "dreet", washes her hair in the "dower"... You get the picture.

You can imagine the hilarity when she ran around a packed public park shouting 
"Where's my stick?! I need a big stick!"

Guitar_Slinger

My son's got a southern accent and when he was about four, shouted "look, it's the fackin' troller! Fackin' troller!" On his finger, he had a sticker of the Fat Controller from Thomas the Tank Engine.

underdog

Another one from when my son was toddler. He has a fascination with small vans, not transit type vans but like the old escort vans. To him they weren't a van or a car but somewhere in between.

So anytime we'd be out and about he shout out pointing "vancar, vancar, look there's a vancar" Just sounded like we had an abusive German kid with us.

Dominic

One of my kids at school .......age 5
lets make a mothers day card ,think of Mummy's favourite thing ....
"Saskia ( my daughter) ,What's your Mummys most favourite thing ?"
" Vodka "!

Phil_aka_Pip

cue lots of Little Johnny jokes ...

breakstuff

We were on holiday in Menorca a few years ago,sat outside a little bistro having some lunch.My eldest boy spilt his drink and a little dribbled onto his shorts.Eldest son stands up,and youngest son,who was around ten at the time said,in a voice rather louder than necessary and completely unexpected,

"Ollie,have you been looking at boys again?"

Cue mass laughter (and embarrassment) all round.