Nightmare best mate situation occuring ...

Wolfetone

Travisthedog said:

My best mate and godfather to my daughter walked out on his beautiful funny, Intellectual, sweet wife of 10 years  and 2 beautiful daughters a few months ago.

I was gobsmacked.

I know he's doing another bird a few counties away (his first love as it happens)  I've told him I think he's a spineless bastard, I've met his wife recently (who's best buds with Mrs T) and she is shattered by the whole thing - literally broken. She has no idea why he walked out other than the "it's not you it's me" bollocks he fed her.

How can I stay mates with a bloke who's lying to his daughters and his wife and how do I stay silent when his wife asks me if I know what's going on.

I'm in such a shit ass position here 

First rule is for either you or your wife not to get actively involved. That ends up in taking sides and that's where divisions can appear in your own household.

All you've done is received information. Personally, I would say nothing and if you're ever asked, just say you had your suspicions but no evidence. He's hardly likely to have a conversation with your wife as he is the villain in all this.

To be honest, I was in his position and my best mate never spoke to me ever again. Nor would I have ever spoken to his wife.

TheBigDipper

The best course of action in all of this is to say nothing and know nothing. Your wife doesn't seem to want to know, because, quite rightly, what she doesn't know can't become something she kept from her mate if/when it comes out later. 

You can't be perceived as taking sides, and knowing something that you keep secret from his wife (or yours) just puts you in the middle. It's too late to change your knowledge of what he's dumped on you, but you can possibly find a way of "coming out" without looking like you've been sitting on the info.

Try this, maybe... Go for a beer with him. Explain anything he tells you is fair game for you to tell your wife and his wife (if she asks). Then go home and say "He's told me everything. I've told him I won't take sides or keep secrets. Do you want to know?". 

Or maybe don't. I dunno. 

Good luck. 

mondaypeanut

Winny_Pooh said:

Your loyalty is to your mate ultimately. 

This is terrible advice. Your loyalty should always be to your wife first. Your mate sounds like a right muppet and friendships wax and wane over time so just step back for a while. If you want to stay married I'd advise being honest with your wife and let your mate dig himself out of the hole he's gotten into (no pun intended).

Winny_Pooh

mondaypeanut said:

Winny_Pooh said:

Your loyalty is to your mate ultimately. 

This is terrible advice. Your loyalty should always be to your wife first. Your mate sounds like a right muppet and friendships wax and wane over time so just step back for a while. If you want to stay married I'd advise being honest with your wife and let your mate dig himself out of the hole he's gotten into (no pun intended).

I meant the mate over the mate's wife.... mate

octatonic

Winny_Pooh said:

mondaypeanut said:

Winny_Pooh said:

Your loyalty is to your mate ultimately. 

This is terrible advice. Your loyalty should always be to your wife first. Your mate sounds like a right muppet and friendships wax and wane over time so just step back for a while. If you want to stay married I'd advise being honest with your wife and let your mate dig himself out of the hole he's gotten into (no pun intended).

I meant the mate over the mate's wife.... mate

Mate, don't try to mate with your mate's wife.
Mates don't do that to mates, or their wives.

Winny_Pooh

octatonic said:

Winny_Pooh said:

mondaypeanut said:

Winny_Pooh said:

Your loyalty is to your mate ultimately. 

This is terrible advice. Your loyalty should always be to your wife first. Your mate sounds like a right muppet and friendships wax and wane over time so just step back for a while. If you want to stay married I'd advise being honest with your wife and let your mate dig himself out of the hole he's gotten into (no pun intended).

I meant the mate over the mate's wife.... mate

Mate, don't try to mate with your mate's wife.
Mates don't do that to mates, or their wives.

Matey, the mate's mate's wife doesn't need to know about anything our mate decides to do with his mate's wife now that he's found another mate. 

JAYJO

Winny_Pooh said:

octatonic said:

Winny_Pooh said:

mondaypeanut said:

Winny_Pooh said:

Your loyalty is to your mate ultimately. 

This is terrible advice. Your loyalty should always be to your wife first. Your mate sounds like a right muppet and friendships wax and wane over time so just step back for a while. If you want to stay married I'd advise being honest with your wife and let your mate dig himself out of the hole he's gotten into (no pun intended).

I meant the mate over the mate's wife.... mate

Mate, don't try to mate with your mate's wife.
Mates don't do that to mates, or their wives.

Matey, the mate's mate's wife doesn't need to know about anything our mate decides to do with his mate's wife now that he's found another mate. 

just make sure you wear a mates if you mate with your mates mates wife. 

Bridgehouse

octatonic

mondaypeanut

Winny_Pooh said:

mondaypeanut said:

Winny_Pooh said:

Your loyalty is to your mate ultimately. 

This is terrible advice. Your loyalty should always be to your wife first. Your mate sounds like a right muppet and friendships wax and wane over time so just step back for a while. If you want to stay married I'd advise being honest with your wife and let your mate dig himself out of the hole he's gotten into (no pun intended).

I meant the mate over the mate's wife.... mate

Too many moving parts in this story...  (no pun intended)