What has Drew been up to?

Samgb

octatonic said:

I tend to think we have psychological processes that allow us to be comfortable with whatever reality we happen to be experiencing.

I respect Drew's position but it implies that anyone who doesn't do X is living a meaningless life.

I don't buy into that (and I'm not sure that is what Drew is saying either, it is just how I interpret that statement).

It could be that my life is meaningless, but I don't feel like my life lacks meaning.
I mostly love what I do and how I live.

I do have some responsibilities outside myself- staff need to be paid and given a safe working environment, my mum needs to help from time to time but otherwise I guess I don't have many traditional *responsibilities* beyond paying bills and taxes.
I do things, as a rule, because I feel like I am building upon the things I've done previously- the worth in doing them is largely self-evident. 

I think the quote refers to responsibilities in general. Not just kids. 

Iamnobody

Fair play Drew. Nice work on the piano.

There’s no instructions for fatherhood and a whilst I’m sure there’s some basic ideas that work - all kids are different, we are all different and you’ve just got to work it all out on the fly and make the mistakes along the way.

boogieman

Sporky said:

Snap said:

Parenthood - so many opinions on what it should be, shouldn't be. 

To quote the great Mrs Bradley:

"There are three golden rules when raising a child; sadly, no-one knows what any of them are."

Having children: the most dangerous thing you can do without needing a licence. 

Wotcha Drew, welcome back  

Hootsmon

terada

Where you've been just takes you to where you are.

RandallFlagg

bunch of wets

Teetonetal

WiresDreamDisasters said:

Jordan Peterson talks about responsibility being the thing that gives your life meaning. To bear a burden on your shoulders, and to do it proudly and with dignity.

Which is how I'm trying to tackle fatherhood.

I've had my years of pleasure. And at the time I didn't think it was meaningless, but it truly was.

Fatherhood is easy, work out what's best for your kids and do it. Your kids dont ask to be born, you inflict life on them. The least you can do is the guide them on how to enjoy life, everything else is bullshit.

NelsonP

octatonic said:

I tend to think we have psychological processes that allow us to be comfortable with whatever reality we happen to be experiencing.

I respect Drew's position but it implies that anyone who doesn't do X is living a meaningless life.

I don't buy into that (and I'm not sure that is what Drew is saying either, it is just how I interpret that statement).

It could be that my life is meaningless, but I don't feel like my life lacks meaning.
I mostly love what I do and how I live.

I do have some responsibilities outside myself- staff need to be paid and given a safe working environment, my mum needs to help from time to time but otherwise I guess I don't have many traditional *responsibilities* beyond paying bills and taxes.
I do things, as a rule, because I feel like I am building upon the things I've done previously- the worth in doing them is largely self-evident. 

Reminds me of a good book I once read, "Man's search for meaning" by Viktor Frankl. Worth a read, if you haven't already.

kaypeejay

34 and you’ve had a mid life crisis? What’ll you do at 44 and 54?

stonevibe

Good to have you back Drew.

Kilgore

kaypeejay said:

34 and you’ve had a mid life crisis? What’ll you do at 44 and 54?

44 - have an affair.
54 - Buy a caravan.

Phil_aka_Pip

I hope things work out for you Drew. Best wishes.

RobDavies

Kilgore said:

kaypeejay said:

34 and you’ve had a mid life crisis? What’ll you do at 44 and 54?

44 - have an affair.
54 - Buy a caravan.

Or perhaps slightly more realistically....

44 - wish you were having an affair
54 - wish you could afford to buy a caravan

Welcome back Drew.  I like the humility and honesty of your original post. 

munckee

I'm 44 hmmm

Strat_a_tat_tat

munckee said:

I'm 44 hmmm

Yeah... but if you're an early developer, you can miss out the tawdry affair and go straight to buying a trailer tent - in preparation for all the fun when you're 54.

terada

Kilgore said:

kaypeejay said:

34 and you’ve had a mid life crisis? What’ll you do at 44 and 54?

44 - have an affair.
54 - Buy a caravan.

64 - cottage on the Isle of Wight (if its not too dear)

tone1

Nice to see you back dude....That Burny Les Paul seems to be a constant in your life

equalsql

Welcome back to the clan Drew. It's been monochromatic since you've been gone and now it's back to full technicolor! 

WiresDreamDisasters

octatonic said:

I tend to think we have psychological processes that allow us to be comfortable with whatever reality we happen to be experiencing.

I respect Drew's position but it implies that anyone who doesn't do X is living a meaningless life.

I don't buy into that (and I'm not sure that is what Drew is saying either, it is just how I interpret that statement).

It could be that my life is meaningless, but I don't feel like my life lacks meaning.
I mostly love what I do and how I live.

I do have some responsibilities outside myself- staff need to be paid and given a safe working environment, my mum needs to help from time to time but otherwise I guess I don't have many traditional *responsibilities* beyond paying bills and taxes.
I do things, as a rule, because I feel like I am building upon the things I've done previously- the worth in doing them is largely self-evident. 

Honestly, it's not that anyone who doesn't do X is living a meaningless life. It's more that anyone who doesn't do 'THEIR OWN PERSONAL X' is living a meaningless life. That's the entire point behind Jordan Peterson's statements on this. It isn't that there is only one way to live life and that everyone should conform to it. It's that internally to yourself you know what life it is you should be living, and if you're not doing it for some reason - fear, insecurity, money, external pressure, etc... - then you're not giving your life the meaning it perhaps could have.

My personal 'X' for the longest time was my band. I don't mind telling you that right now I am getting more satisfaction and enjoyment out of just being a dad and a home guitarist. But honestly that's more to do with the slackness and the dysfunction in the band right now.

NelsonP said:

From memory most studies into what makes you happy have concluded that parenthood has no relationship, or maybe a slightly negative one with happiness. 

Keeping healthy, being happily married (or in a long term partnership), keeping up with friends and having enough money (not necessarily being rich) are much more important 'predictors' of happiness in the long run.

If you really want to be happy, move to Scotland
https://www.ons.gov.uk/visualisations/nesscontent/dvc238/index.html

Parenthood is bloody hard and extremely rewarding in equal measures. But at least your genes get to stay on the planet after you've gone, so there's that.

I spent most of my life measuring success by my "happiness" quotient. It's a poor way to judge one's life I think. I started to try and find meaning in other ways a few years ago. I sorta had to. I can't go into all the details but mindlessly chasing happiness became a bit of a prison and I would say I was taken advantage of in many ways because I was blind to the other possibilities that life can give.

Anyway... those were the responses swirling around in my head the past few days. Only just got a chance to put them down.

Heartfeltdawn

monquixote said:

WiresDreamDisasters said:

Jordan Peterson talks about responsibility being the thing that gives your life meaning. To bear a burden on your shoulders, and to do it proudly and with dignity.

Which is how I'm trying to tackle fatherhood.

I've had my years of pleasure. And at the time I didn't think it was meaningless, but it truly was.

That's a really great way of looking at it.

I find some of Jordan Peterson's stuff a bit odd, but on the subject of taking responsibility he's putting out a message which people (especially young blokes) need and is missing from modern discourse.

That's the mystery of JBP. Much of his talk about religion is utter bollocks but that simple core message can be narrowed down to "take responsibility". Whether it's through parenthood, responsibility for your health, whatever it may be, it is down to you. 

If music/artistic expression is the thing that brings meaning to your life, then it is valid. If it is sport, it is valid. It's about honesty with yourself as to whether the things you pursue are positive in your life. An alcoholic could claim that drinking gives their life validity: to then back that up with anecdotal evidence as to how drinking is a positive influence would be somewhat hard.