I lost my friend

Emp_Fab

We grew up together, and though I haven't seen him for a number of years, that doesn't change our history.  We went abroad together, saw Queen's final gig together and the Freddie Memorial concert.  Now he's gone.  Because of a car full of angry young morons.

https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/road-rage-victim-dies-hospital-21344638

I've also now got a dilemma...  Because of possible further charges being brought, they've delayed the funeral - to the 13th.  Four days after I'm supposed to be flying to Spain for a holiday booked previously.  TUI want another £300 to move the dates, assuming I can get the new dates off from work.

Most people know we were close mates and they're all going to think I'm a right shit if I'm not there, but on the other hand, what does attending a funeral service actually mean?

I wouldn't want anyone to reschedule their plans to attend my funeral.  It's not like I'm going to know is it!  Even if I could know, I still wouldn't want them to do it.  ...but, that's me.

I've enquired whether I can see him before the funeral, to say my goodbyes privately.

Why are young men so stupid and angry ?

GoldenEraGuitars

So sorry for your loss. The world is a cruel place and there are no words for the actions of those responsible. 

PolarityMan

Sorry to hear about your friend dude, that's properly shit.

Hope the fuckers get the book thrown at them.

MikeS

Sorry for your loss.

Go to the funeral. You can re-book a holiday.

richardhomer

Very sorry for your loss.

My opinion is you should attend the funeral - holidays really aren’t that important. Saying goodbye to someone you love is...

digitalscream

That's shit, dude

Does your travel insurance cover the change in dates?

I would personally look at it less as a traditional funeral or a chance to say "goodbye", and more a rare opportunity to be with lots of people who all want to tell the best stories about the guy, all at the same time.

Iamnobody

In your situation I’d go; you might regret it further down the line if you don’t. 

Even though you could be thinking about him wherever you might be in the world - I think it would also means a lot to his family to see you there.

What does attending a funeral mean?

I don’t know. To honour them and pay your respects in the accepted and traditional fashion maybe. Yes. It’s respectful. 

danishbacon

Sorry to hear @Emp_Fab, I’ll send some positive energy and thoughts your way, his and his family when I am at Singleton Hospital tomorrow morning. What a sad story. 

earwighoney

Sorry for your loss Emp.

Emp_Fab

It's not me anyone should feel sorry for - thanks anyway.  I know it's a phrase everyone says, but I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me.  I feel undeserving of pity and rightfully so - I'm alive and he's not.

danishbacon

Not pity, empathy mate Find your way of celebrating him, whatever it is.

racefaceec90

am very sorry to hear that.

may your friend rest in peace.

CeeJay

Condolences. I feel your pain having lost a close friend a couple of years ago. Do yo know what, I'm gonna buck the trend and tell you to go on holiday. People mourn and grieve in different ways. Who cares what other people think, it's your pain. You deal with it as you want. If you feel you need to go to the funeral, then go, otherwise don't. 

ThePrettyDamned

Sorry for the loss.

I've always been told that funerals are for the living. Do you feel you need to go? If so, I'd suggest the holiday being rebooked is a good idea. If you don't *want* to go, perhaps not. 

DefaultM

That's awful. Similar happened to a teacher I had in school. He used to let me go play guitar in his classroom at dinner cos he had an amp hidden in a cupboard, really nice guy. Bumped in to him after school at a few gigs and always remembered me, next thing he's popped up on my facebook. He'd gone to teach in Thailand, accidentally did something to someones car that they didn't like, they beat him over the head with a tyre iron. 
There's actually a CCTV video of the guy returning to his mates and acting out what he's just done. He was charged but as far as I'm aware never actually took the punishment, just fucked off and hid.

munckee

CeeJay said:

Condolences. I feel your pain having lost a close friend a couple of years ago. Do yo know what, I'm gonna buck the trend and tell you to go on holiday. People mourn and grieve in different ways. Who cares what other people think, it's your pain. You deal with it as you want. If you feel you need to go to the funeral, then go, otherwise don't. 

this.

fields5069

Condolences.

In my opinion funeral services are for the living, which sounds obvious but some people seem to think you are honouring a dead person by going. The person has gone, ceased to be, etc., at least in my opinion. Do whatever you want, I say.

YellowLedBetterMan

You'll have more than enough opportunities to go on holiday at other times.

You owe it to yourself to give a final farewell to someone that means so much to you. You'll only regret it otherwise.

chillidoggy

I find myself in ever-increasing 'similar' situations before (getting more frequent the older I get) whereby I get to hear of friends with whom I used to be good mates with from years back that have suddenly passed away. I'm of an age where my life would revolve around going to funerals if I let it, so I've now decide to let them all go, and get on with living what life I have left. I go to funerals if I am able, but in your case I would go on holiday and just remember the deceased as you knew him.

axisus

I hate funerals, they are depressing and drag you right down emotionally. Society should have come up with a better way to send people off. I go if I feel I need to be there, either for others or for myself, otherwise I tend to not go. 

Horrible story, clearly he was a lovely person. 

Sassafras

A shocking thing to happen to anyone let alone an old friend but you say you haven't seen him for a number of years.
I'd take the holiday, get your mind off a tragic event.
(I have been described as a callous bastard in the past).