I lost my friend

robwright

I can’t even begin to imagine how you must feel. I think you hit the nail on the head though when you said he wouldn’t want you to change your plans. Go on holiday and have a great time thinking about all the good times you had together - that’s what he would want and that’s all that matters! 

Moloch

My reading of the OP is that you don't really want to move the holiday for the funeral, and that is entirely understandable. They're completely overrated ceremonies and very often, as appears to be the case here, more about being seen to be grieving than actually doing so. Grieving is a deeply personal process and not everyone needs or wants a public ritual.

Everything that seems to have been said about the man suggests that he was all for joy. Those memories are your tribute to him, not standing around in black, looking sad and wondering when is an acceptable time to knock off and get on with you own life.

Visit his family. Place a memorial. Think of him during good times.

And if people judge you for not making a public show of grief, they can go fuck themselves. You proved to him that you were his friend in life. You don't need to prove it to others now that his life is sadly over.

Emp_Fab

I went to see him today at the funeral home.  Between the tears, I told him what a good man he was and how sorry I was for not being a better friend.

He looked so still.  I knew he wasn't going to move, but part of your brain is still a bit perturbed at a primeval level by this human figure in front of you that is completely still.  It's difficult to describe.  As crazy as it sounds, you kind of expect them to talk back to you.  I was looking at his eyelids, expecting them to open, or move the slightest bit, but there's nothing to tell them to move anymore - everything is shut down and turned off.  He was just 56.

Afterwards I thought about the reality that one day, somewhere between now and (probably) 2050, that's going to be me in there.  Still.  Not breathing.  It brought home to me how quickly life can be taken from us and I've been left with a determination to enjoy every day I have, as much as I can.  

Electro_Ham

Well, I'd suggest you get the fuck off the fretboard Off Topic and do something constructive with your life. Treat this as a turning moment. And I'm being sincere.

Emp_Fab

We went to the Freddie Mercury memorial gig at Wembley in '92 and we were pretty close to the front, stage left.  I've been scouring the concert video, pausing when the shot was pointing where we were, hoping to catch a shot of us in the crowd, but without any joy so far.  It's funny how the youth of today will have tons of video footage of their lives to look back on when they are older but I'm from the generation, sadly, where unless your dad was into cine or had a (very expensive) video camera, no moving footage of yourself is likely to exist.

It's a shame.  I think seeing myself as a younger man, moving and talking, would have a profound effect on me.  What kind of effect exactly I don't know, but I think it would be a positive one.  Give me an insight on who I really was etc.