The digestive tract

chillidoggy

Why is it that, despite all the medical pundits telling us that the human digestive system takes 20 - 50 hours from start to finish, is it that a curry takes only 9 hours. Well, it did last night, anyway.

And some years ago, I went out on a lunchtime session with two mates, and ended up eating a chicken phall, plus half the chicken vindaloo which one of my mates couldn't finish. Actually, he passed out and fell forward with his face in it, but that's not relevant. Back home 2 hours later, I was screaming in pain, shitting molten lead, and the missus found me curled up on the bog floor in agony.

 

Is it that beer and chilli speed up the normal process digestive process, or something?

bluechargeboy

I believe that your body processes alcohol in preference to anything else (it being a poison and all), so perhaps in a beer-rich environment your curry is marked up as "Not Wanted on Voyage".

Asparagus doesn't mess about either, how does it get into your wee so fast?!!

mike_l

bluechargeboy said:

Asparagus doesn't mess about either, how does it get into your wee so fast?!!

Don't put it down your Japs eye, it'll take longer

bluechargeboy

mike_l said:

Don't put it down your Japs eye, it'll take longer

Have you been spying on me?

octatonic

It will take more that 24 hours for the process to finish, though.

The pundits are correct- digestion is a long slow process but you do preferentially process some elements before others- alcohol will be processed first- it enters the bloodstream fairly quickly via the small intestine.

Capsaicin isn't absorbed by the body so it passes straight through, irritating the stomach lining, bowel etc much the same way that it does on the way in.

Also take-away curries don't usually often have a lot of fibre, unless you go for the lentils.

Fibre slows down digestion- in the case of brown rice vs white rice the outer layer of fibre in the brown rice takes the body time to digest.

White rice is more easily processed.

Pilau is somewhere in between the two.

chillidoggy

More than 24 hours? That'll explain why my ringpiece is still burning.

mike_l

bluechargeboy said:

mike_l said:

Don't put it down your Japs eye, it'll take longer

Have you been spying on me?

You keep sending me the DVD's
:-S

Emp_Fab

I have the 'double dump' after a hot ruby.  The first one appears relatively normal, bar a minor degree of ring sting.  The second one, usually within a couple of hours, is the real vesuvius.  A dull stomach ache precedes it and it lasts a long time - you never know when it's safe to get up.  Your legs get pins & needles and your ringpiece actually becomes anaesthetised by the chillies.  Much groaning is present and your bowels convulse like you're vomiting out of your arse.

This is only with very hot curries though.

I don't know why I eat the fucking things !  They say chillies get you high a bit...   

Probably why then !

chillidoggy

It's comforting to know our symptoms are similar! And I also think that eating chillies releases endorphins, hence the addiction.

jonnyburgo

The hottest curry I ever had was full of chilli seeds and full green chillis. It was as if they'd tipped a full bag in for a laugh. Getting through it was a battle.

Next morning, just like Emp I did a normal shit and smugly thought, Yep, I'm made of tough stuff me! then at about 11am got a big stomach ache, like the ones you get when you've taken a knock to the balls, sat on the bog and turned myself inside out, pure hellfire was coming out of my arse. It was like fucking dysentry. Had to sit on the edge of the bath showering cold water onto my battered ringpiece. I looked in the mirror and had the same clammy grey pallor as a dead fish. I had to cancel all tasks for the day and have a lie down.

Emp_Fab

Was your avatar pic taken during that particular shit ?  )

jonnyburgo

Nice one Emp! )

mike_l

Me and a mate once went to the local Curryhouse for a pint and dinner. We both had vindaloo, although burning napalm would have been more exact.

My Christ, the next morning was agony. on the bog, on the hour, every hour from 5 am through until 11. I didn't dare eat anything until the evening, and then it was only a sandwich.

chillidoggy

Ah, but did it cure you of your chili addiction, or not?

mike_l

Nope.

I have pasta with chicken in chilli sauce for lunch most days.

And after going on the piss I love a donner 'bab with extra chillis.

 

It was however, the last time either of us ate in that particular curry house. (We both put the dodgy guts down to bad beer!!!)

chillidoggy

Don't be daft, there's no bad beer, it's just that some's better than others!

mike_l

This beer wasn't right, I don't think it had been stored properly.....

 

In fact there was a pub in town, which, after the old landlord left went through a couple of landlords, since Alan (Original) left the quality of the beer went down. Even the bottled beer tasted weird and wrong.

 

Outcome, no one went in there, pub closed.  When Alan was in there, the Rugby Club drank in there, and the place was packed most weekends........Even in the week there was usually a few drinkers in there.

chillidoggy

Well, I never suffered from constipation when I used to drink draught Bass.

citizen68

This..... In spades Well at least one spade

Emp_Fab said:

I have the 'double dump' after a hot ruby.  The first one appears relatively normal, bar a minor degree of ring sting.  The second one, usually within a couple of hours, is the real vesuvius.  A dull stomach ache precedes it and it lasts a long time - you never know when it's safe to get up.  Your legs get pins & needles and your ringpiece actually becomes anaesthetised by the chillies.  Much groaning is present and your bowels convulse like you're vomiting out of your arse.

This is only with very hot curries though.

I don't know why I eat the fucking things !  They say chillies get you high a bit...   

Probably why then !

Phil_aka_Pip

I'm not surprised @mike_l has trouble with his insides if he's always eating chilli sauce!

Deadman

bluechargeboy said:

I believe that your body processes alcohol in preference to anything else (it being a poison and all), so perhaps in a beer-rich environment your curry is marked up as "Not Wanted on Voyage".

Asparagus doesn't mess about either, how does it get into your wee so fast?!!

I can never work out why my wee smells of sugar puffs even when I haven't eaten any.