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Sounds like the bassist see's the PA as his domain. If he doesn't know what he's doing (and 30 mins to fix feedback that wasn't there in the first set proves this) then that is a problem that can only be solved with some frank chats and simplifying things.
You definitely need monitors. 2 at the front and 1 side fill for the drummer. Vocals only in these.
Again. Simplify. A fully mic'd set up requires a more sophisticated PA and an engineer who knows that he's doing to both set it up and man the desk during the performance.
I would leave before you are kicked out. A flounce is therapeutic.
He refuses to use a wedge monitor as he doesn't like them, and refuses to use IEMs as he feels it disconnects him from what he's playing. He's a good drummer, but he's pretty bloody difficult.
Good for the mix too - the acoustic sound of the kick can be damped down with cushions etc and the PA can HPF any excessive low end then. Far too many excessive bass mixes in small gigs these days.
https://speakerimpedance.co.uk/?act=two_parallel&page=calculator
I always find it odd that musicians seem happy to accept massive compromises when it comes to hearing themselves play. I don't know how folks cope.
but worth considering...
What's wrong with this picture? -
Guitarist walks into the venue with his guitar bag, modeller du jour and IEMs in a carry case.
Takes out guitar, plugs lead into rack unit and lead out to mixer. Goes to bar.
Meanwhile drummer had arrived at the venue an hour earlier - 3 trips back and forth to car carrying cases and then setting up.
Drummer asks guitarist. err.. how I am I going to hear your guitar on stage.?
Guitarist responds "Err dunno - you could maybe fork out and bring your own monitor or buy yourself a pair of IEMs?"
Drummer asks same question to singer who's also breezed in arrived late at venue and plugged their IEMs in and set up their mic stand - how am I going to hear your vocals at the back here?
Singer responds "Err.. dunno..." etc...
Drummer not happy.
But to elaborate, I have discussed monitoring with the drummer and bassist, multiple times. I have explained the options, to which the drummer has flat out refused to use any of them. Why should he be relying on me bringing my cabs when I don't need them due to going through the PA? Same with the vocals; he needs a monitoring solution, not just relying on hearing my guitar.
Also - this is the same drummer that almost got into a punch up with a sound engineer friend of mine (see my previous post). So it's not like he's open to other people suggesting things (likewise the bass player).
Reading these back, I think I've answered my own questions about the group and what to do.....!
https://speakerimpedance.co.uk/?act=two_parallel&page=calculator
We have an entirely vocal-only PA and a separate pair of JBL Eon-1s for a touch of guitar spread plus kick drum and one drum overhead.
It's simple, everyone can hear pretty well everything, and as the backline carries most of the weight it's pretty much self mixing.
For big gigs it's someone else's problem, but apart from the odd broken mic cable we never have PA dramas, we just play.
Despite my guitar volume being on 0 while these feedback issues happened.
And despite me not adjusting anything at all.
And despite us all seeing the bassist fiddling with the mixer during the break.
EDIT: On reading the rest of the thread, just quit the band. It sound like they're all bellends (apart from the singer, but she brings one with her) and your gear choices don't fit in with their approach. It's just not going to work out.