Dealing with praise after a gig....?

digitalscream

Recently, after I've finished a live set with the band, I've been having a bit of a problem. Honestly, it's a nice problem to have, but still...

I get a lot more opportunity to play challenging stuff (to me, at least) in this band than my previous bands - they were all cover bands where I endeavoured to stick to the rough structure of the originals, apart from my last band where I only got the odd one or two which didn't really give me much opportunity to do the silly noodly stuff that's sometimes fun. Anyway, lately I've been having a 4 or 5 people waiting as we come off stage to say how amazing my playing was etc...I really don't know how to handle it. I don't see myself that way at all, more of an enthusiastic amateur who doesn't have a lot of taste when it comes to playing Besides which, I know any number of people who can do what I do quite easily (a lot of whom are on here...).

Our singer, on the other hand, genuinely is one of those rare people who is astonishing - her power and range is something I've never really encountered outside the big leagues. She has a similar issue, but hers is more one of confidence - she knows she's good (not in a bad way, mind), but she's not confident on stage so she never really believes people when they say it was a great performance.

Having heard a number of you guys playing on recordings and videos, I'm guessing that you get this as well. How the hell do you handle it? I sort of mumble "thanks" and shake their hand, then fervently hope that they just go away. I'm really not very good at it at all.

I guess a big part of my problem is actually that I see our music as something the whole band contributes to, and I'm not at all comfortable with one or two of us being the focus of the attention. Just doesn't feel right to me.

So....What Would TheFB Do? 

Cirrus

It doesn't happen very often, but when it does I look them in the eyes, smile and say thanks. Usually I'm busy getting off stage so that's as far as it goes, if not I ask if they play/what sort of music they're into. People compliment you because they see something in your playing/persona that they aspire to or relate with, and what they're really trying to do by complimenting you is start a chat. So accept the compliment then find out about them!

monquixote

When it happens (and it doesn't happen a lot) I think it's important not to do any modesty stuff because you usually end up sounding like you are fishing for more compliments if you do and just say something like "Thanks, glad you enjoyed the show" then because 90% of people who notice someone other than the singer are musicians ask them if they play anything.

digitalscream

Cirrus said:

...and what they're really trying to do by complimenting you is start a chat. So accept the compliment then find out about them!

Excellent point. Probably need to work on my social skills a bit there.

monquixote said:

When it happens (and it doesn't happen a lot) I think it's important not to do any modesty stuff because you usually end up sounding like you are fishing for more compliments if you do and just say something like "Thanks, glad you enjoyed the show" then because 90% of people who notice someone other than the singer are musicians ask them if they play anything.

1 - I've had that pointed out to me in the past - I'm aware that if somebody makes the effort to come up after a set, modesty almost always comes across as false. I really do try my best

2 - Good idea; the problem with me asking them if they play anything is that I've got a shit memory for faces (especially in a gig environment), and I'd dread the inevitable "Yeah, I was the guitarist in the first band. Didn't you see our set?", thus totally ruining the moment

monquixote

Yeah, I do stupid shit like that all the time

I caused major band friction by trying to charge the girlfriend of one of my bandmates for entry to our gig having completely failed to recognise her despite having been in the band for over a year and having met her about five times.

viz

Thank them and ask them if they play, then what gear they have etc, then you can get into a more normal conversation.

mart

All good suggestions there. I was just wondering: if I gave someone a complement like that, how would I want them to react/respond? Thinking about it, I'd just want them to feel encouraged, and happy. So a simple "thanks" and a big smile would do it for me.

VimFuego

say thanks, it's much appreciated, ask them back to my place and inquire as to their pain threshold

thomasross20

Link to vid to hear you and your singer?

guitarfishbay

"Hey, thanks! Really glad you enjoyed it, I really appreciate that, cheers."

If you have time then just chat to them for a few minutes and if you don't just say you'd like to chat but can't (and again say thanks) and don't overthink it.

digitalscream

thomasross20 said:

Link to vid to hear you and your singer?

No video, but here's a rough mix of one of our songs:

http://www.digitalscream.org.uk/music/cc/demos/God Help Me _Rough Mix 4.mp3

It doesn't really show her voice off, but you'll get an idea. Solo's a bitch, though; we used to open with it, but in situations where I don't get time for a real warm-up I find it's too much of a risk.

guitarfishbay said:

"Hey, thanks! Really glad you enjoyed it, I really appreciate that, cheers."

If you have time then just chat to them for a few minutes and if you don't just say you'd like to chat but can't (and again say thanks) and don't overthink it.

Short and sweet. Works fine, unless they really want a chat, I guess

Roland

At the end of a gig I find that a smile and thank you works well, whilst continuing to coil cable/collapse stand/etc, Most follow up questions, like "when are you next here" can be directed to the singers who generally aren't so busy packing

During the interval between sets you can ask "do you play?", but be prepared to take an interest in the answer. Most guitarists want to talk about equipment, and seem either impressed about your gear, or surprised that you use so few effects pedals.

If the praise is too effusive, and I don't feel comfortable with it, then I'll talk about how good other band members are

mike_l

Depends on whether she's hot or not.........

 

Seriously, I had one of the regulars at the Cambridge Jams come to me after myself and bigjon had done Comfortably Numb. I felt I'd really messed up my part of the solo, but the guy said "Nice playing fella". I was a little flabberghasted to say the least.

EricTheWeary

Praised after a gig? =D>
Someone might have to explain the concept to me.

Lev

I played in a band before where one of the members used to bring quite a few of his mates to each gig. Afterwards he would go to them and 'fish' for compliments. At the next rehearsal he would be telling us how his friends said we were amazing and Song X blew them away etc. I knew full well that we were average at best but he was convinced we were the most amazing band. 

Not sure the moral of the story but I think compliments need to be taken in context. When they are from drunk people, friends of the band etc. are probably to be taken with a pinch of salt.

frankus

Very few people are good at handling praise and it's a shame not least of all because knowing someone gets what you're saying is a massive rush. Even knowing you've touched another mind is a massive kick. But as a band accepting praise means more gigs.

If you read The Charisma Myth by Olivia Fox Cabane you get an insight into what accepting praise does for the person giving praise. The example given is Bill Clinton being told by someone how much of an impact he'd had on their life... Bill stops closed his eyes and thought about it, then lets a massive grin loose on his face and said looking directly at the person "it's an honour for me to have inspired you" the fan was buzzing about it for ages too, and you get a buzz from that - now the thing is, you can't say that if you don't mean it - well you can, but people spot a fake - so the trick is to see what that person is saying from their point of view an catch that energy and positivity.

Now to justify that, because I know this place - cynicism is a defense mechanism that helps us crawl on our bellies it's useful some of the time, but a massive hinderance the rest of the time. My wife makes some really tasty meals and when we say we're really enjoying it, she'll list the things she spotted that aren't done perfectly, at which point I or my son will tell her to shut up as she's spoiling our enjoyment of the meal ... and she sulks. you don't get points for spotting flaws before other people - it can be quite annoying as you're undermining their opinion - which is hurtful, so get on with being admired by others, it's earned and freely given.

As Blofeldt says 'As La Rochefoucauld observed, "humility is the worst form of conceit." '

Unconditional praise helps creativity.

digitalscream

Lev said:

I played in a band before where one of the members used to bring quite a few of his mates to each gig. Afterwards he would go to them and 'fish' for compliments. At the next rehearsal he would be telling us how his friends said we were amazing and Song X blew them away etc. I knew full well that we were average at best but he was convinced we were the most amazing band. 

Not sure the moral of the story but I think compliments need to be taken in context. When they are from drunk people, friends of the band etc. are probably to be taken with a pinch of salt.

Very true. I had a couple of guys from my old band and two of their muso mates standing right next to my side of the stage for the whole gig on Saturday night. I call it The Judgement Gallery.

digitalscream

@frankus - I hadn't really thought about it, but I think that may be part of my discomfort with the whole thing. I find it very difficult to respond in such a way that it gets across the fact that I am happy that somebody enjoyed it enough to warrant making the effort to say something.

Must try harder, I guess.

frankus

If you've ever surfed or flown a kite or had to rely on the weather for any sport - remember how excellent it is when it finally helps you - that is how rare it is to get praise.

I also think the greater the person the better they are at finding the praise.

To my eternal shame I once met Martha Reeves and grumbled about there not being a backing band, she was incredibly gracious about it and lavished attention on what positive things I'd said... I'd rather the promoter had taken me outside for a beating - he certainly looked like he wanted to.

lustycourtier

I get it a lot, and normally just jokingly say Im a bluffing hack player.  If you believe what people say, itll be your downfall.

frankus

No.

Motivation is there for when you're doing something. When performing you perform better when there's no doubt at all in your ability - regardless of your ability.

If you listen to motivation when you're practising something then it's delusion. You need to practise with eyes wide open to flaws BUT don't shame yourself into inaction.

Get those mixed around and the worst that will happen is mediocrity - not downfall.