My favourite new phrase...

JAYJO

0

swiller

The finest i have heard...
..a face like a bulldog licking piss off a nettle.

JAYJO

Arse like an apple in a wet hankie

MrTee

Like a bulldog chewing a bag of spanners 

thermionic

ElectricXII said:

I like "he/she has a face like a bulldog licking piss off a thistle".

A schoolmate used this phrase (albeit with a nettle rather than a thistle) to describe me when my photo appeared in the school magazine. It’s not cool to be photographed shaking hands with the headmaster when you’re 17, in my defence.

A new one I liked recently was “a man who went far on half a tank of petrol” - describing someone who’d been promoted well above his abilities.

maltingsaudio

Darling when I look into your eyes all time stands still => You have a face that could stop a clock

Timcito

JAYJO said:

Arse like an apple in a wet hankie

I'm still grappling with this image ... how exactly would an apple in a wet hankie look?!

Kebabkid

Dominic said:

nero1701 said:

And here we go again with the misogyny.
Reference to a ladies vagina as a hippos yawn is a bit 1970.

Old but Gold mate

and something one might hear from Sarah Millican

Adey

I think it was one of Nicholas Soames' girlfriends who said that having sex with him was like having a wardrobe fall on you with the key left in the lock.

Sporky

I like describing a customer's extensive and self-contradictory list of wants/needs/requirements as "presenting a null solution space".

The pomposity usually stops them yammering just long enough to point out that "you can't draw a green line with a red pen", which then lets me show them where their requirements clash. 

Headphones

Doesn't work with my "customer set".  The pen colour denotes the rank...

boogieman

An old favourite, courtesy of Barry McKenzie aka Barry Humphries. 

He’s so generous, he’d give you his arsehole and shit through his ribs. 

digitalscream

Kebabkid said:

bertie said:

Dominic said:

<ADMIN EDIT: Nope.>

<ADMIN EDIT: Not this either>

<ADMIN EDIT: And, for the third time, nope.>

@Kebabkid @bertie @Dominic : Gents, FFS. Is it any wonder the members of this place have an unsavoury reputation when you feel it's appropriate to post shit like this?

bertie

right Im out

bye

Kebabkid

digitalscream said:

Kebabkid said:

bertie said:

Dominic said:

<ADMIN EDIT: Nope.>

<ADMIN EDIT: Not this either>

<ADMIN EDIT: And, for the third time, nope.>

@Kebabkid @bertie @Dominic : Gents, FFS. Is it any wonder the members of this place have an unsavoury reputation when you feel it's appropriate to post shit like this?

Noted chief and apologies to anyone offended

Jetfire

nero1701 said:

And here we go again with the misogyny.
Reference to a ladies vagina as a hippos yawn is a bit 1970.

Just flag anything like that using the Flag tool.

tony99

Musical_Mystery_Tour said:

'He couldn't pour piss out of a boot if the instructions were on the heel.'

He couldn't tell you which way a lift was going if you gave him two guesses.

PLOP

“Better than a kick in the dick” for when you could say “better than nowt innit” 

scrumhalf

The timeless "somewhere, a village is missing its idiot" must rank highly.

Similarly, "bypassed by evolution" remains a favourite.