I'm changing the way I live.

spacecadet

Yesterday was a wake up call for me. Over the last few years I have seen death. Lots of it. Too many people I know are dying around me but I guess I've just got to "that" age. I lost my Grandma yesterday. I haven't seen her for at least a year. She was in a home and last week took a turn for the worse. Why so significant you ask? The reason I haven't been to see her is because I've been too busy. I haven't put the time aside for anything really. I'm always working and working so hard my health and personal life have suffered. I don't see people, I don't get any exercise, my marriage nearly fell apart etc. To be fair my work ethic has come from my dad. He was always working so he could leave a legacy for his children and grandchildren. My brother (cnut!) saw that that legacy never got further than his own pocket (thats another story). 

For as long as I can remember I have been working non stop, never saying no to anything because you never know when things will go wrong as it has a few times for me now. I have now made the decision to say no. Fuck money. Fuck work. Lifes too short. I need to make time for family and friends. Yes I'm a douchebag for not doing this sooner but I loved my Grandma. I intended to go and see her this weekend which if you can believe it, I had to put in the diary! Too little too late. I need to reconnect with people I love. Regain some work/ personal life balance. 

There is no reason for this post other than for my own sanity. I guess if it's out there, it's some kind of proof or reminder or something to myself to actually do this. The men in my family don't live long as it is and I need to start making the most of life. I got shit to do and people to see!

jd0272

Wisdom fella.

Sambostar

Hallelujah!

Fretwired

@spacecadet .. you could me .. wise words .. condolences for your Grandma .. makes you think.

Strat_a_tat_tat

I'm in a similar position. Difficult to get some kind of balance of work v life. Sounds like you've got the right idea.  Good luck with it... seems like a smart move.

Ché

The time we spend with the people we care about is the only memories that truly make us happy. The older you get, the less time you have to do what you want to do and get pushed to do the things you have to do.

I sometimes look around at the things I own, recording and playing music can lead to heavily materialistic quests for happiness that will never be as fruitful as the time you spend with people enjoying the life you have.

I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your Grandmother, having lost my Grandad and our two dogs last year within the space of 3 months took it's toll. I wish your family all the best and appreciate you taking the time to share your thoughts and wisdom. I do hope it helps you make the most of your life

The people I respect the most are those who make no apologies for who they are and get everything they want out of life regardless of financal circumstances. Well... respect/envy but respect is a more positive emotion to draw from.

FreddieVanHalen

I feel for you, had something similar happen to me.

I regret that I didn't spend more time with my dad before he died.

Problem is, society seems to have beliefs and values that it's ok or even honourable to be a workaholic, and some industries are practically founded on that belief.

It's easy to slip back into old habits, maybe even use work as a way of numbing out the pain of what's just happened.

I don't want to preach, but like breaking any addiction or habit, you might need a supportive group to keep you on track.

Sorry for your loss spacecadet.

monofin

Wis from me. Condolences and I wish I was brave enough to make the same life changes - I don't see anywhere near enough of my kids

d8m

Sounds like the pre-cursor to a huge GAS inspired purchase

Phil_aka_Pip

wis @spacecadet. Likewise with @FreddieVanHalen I'm sorry I didn't spend more time with my dad before he died.

caveat:"Fuck money. Fuck work." only applies partially: if you take that attitude 100% you may not be able to support the ones you love. All things in balance.

Iamnobody

I have only one regret in life - leaving my dying grandad to go back to work.

I only had to take the day off to be there until the end - as it was I did a 300 mile round trip through the night to say my goodbye and went back to work later that morning.

That was 3 jobs ago and nobody thought any better of me for it.

We have a saying in my current office - family first. Fortunately 99% of the time we can work to it.

Good luck with your change in outlook - there will be a balance somewhere I'm sure.

Sambostar

I had this moment of enlightenment last night.  But I decided this morning that acquiring the extra energy required for household chores from Stella Artois on a Monday night, is probably not the best idea.  My fucking head hurts

I think I need to make some changes too though eh.

Like for one, stop this subconscious nihilism of working harder to overcome physical pain, drinking more to combat a potential hangover, not knowing when to stop, drinking until the house is dry, smoking more when I'm struggling to breathe already, having zero self discipline and instead injecting some get up and go and do things now into myself instead of procrastinating for years.

Working too hard and letting everything else slide is nihilism I think to a degree,  It's just as bad as any other addiction.  It's easy too, because you don't have to deal with anything else when you are working hard and it makes it all go away to a degree.

I've had no energy to anything substantial for myself for ten years or so now.  I'm shagged from work and working hard and find myself putting off even the simpliest things. 

guitarfishbay

Sorry for your loss. Best wishes for reconnecting with people.

Drew_TNBD

I'm sorry for your loss mate.

I lost a lot of people during my teens and early 20's. It shaped me. I've never truly cared about money or careers or my future. I've lived in the now for so long that I don't know how to feel about where I've been and I don't know where I'm going in life. I'm just sort of...meandering along, collecting as many loves along the way as I've lost - music has been the one constant, the one place of solace.

But even that is waning at the moment. I'm stressed all of the time, and living in the now has meant neglect and self-sabotage. I'm only just starting to think about my career, and I turn 31 this year. I feel like I should've made different decisions in the past, and often I feel like I've totally fucked my life up and don't have any chance of changing it.

So...if you're unhappy and you do have a chance of changing it... grab it by the horns. Plenty of sad fucks who will never do so, and I'm probably one of them. So don't be like them!

Phil_aka_Pip

Sambostar said:

injecting some get up and go 

Nooooo! Don't start that as well, it'll be the end of you

iseverynamegone

@drew_fx I i reckon everybody wishes they made at least a few different Decisions in the past. Christ, I once owned a BC Rich Bitch. Just crack on and don't be down on your bad self.

@spacecadet good on you. About 10yrs a friend of mine who happened to work for me dropped dead at 31. I had my fuck this moment at that point and whilst over the next 15 years my boundaries have gone up and down it's always in the back of my mind.

Good luck with the balancing act but you are on a better path.

axisus

Drew_fx said:

I turn 31 this year. I feel like I should've made different decisions in the past, and often I feel like I've totally fucked my life up and don't have any chance of changing it.

You don't wanna go thinking that! My life changed completely around 30, got married, got a keeper of a job that has been amazing, ended up with 4 kids. At 51 I do have regrets, in particular that I never did anything with music. I wish I was 31 again, but I'm also aware that there are people at 71 wishing they were my age again. It's never too late!

Drew_TNBD

axisus said:

Drew_fx said:

I turn 31 this year. I feel like I should've made different decisions in the past, and often I feel like I've totally fucked my life up and don't have any chance of changing it.

You don't wanna go thinking that! My life changed completely around 30, got married, got a keeper of a job that has been amazing, ended up with 4 kids. At 51 I do have regrets, in particular that I never did anything with music. I wish I was 31 again, but I'm also aware that there are people at 71 wishing they were my age again. It's never too late!

Hmmmm. I don't see having a divorce, pulling out of this mortgage, and going on the road and becoming a skag addict, in my future any time soon.

HAL9000

Until about 5 years ago I used to work in IT earning pretty good money. 

Nowadays I work as a driver doing 4 days on an 4 days off. A lot less money, but more time to spend with the people I love, to do the things we want to do, and to go places we want to go. I'm happier now than I've ever been. I've certainly learnt that although money is nice to have it is nowhere near as important as the other things. 

We seem to go through life being told that working hard and acquiring more 'stuff' is the path to happiness. I'm now realising that that's a never-ending path - it's more important to appreciate and to be content with what we already have.

littlegreenman

axisus said:

Drew_fx said:

I turn 31 this year. I feel like I should've made different decisions in the past, and often I feel like I've totally fucked my life up and don't have any chance of changing it.

You don't wanna go thinking that! My life changed completely around 30, got married, got a keeper of a job that has been amazing, ended up with 4 kids. At 51 I do have regrets, in particular that I never did anything with music. I wish I was 31 again, but I'm also aware that there are people at 71 wishing they were my age again. It's never too late!

Have a wiz. I thought like that at 30-ish and was headed just that way. At 40 things changed again and life became awesome for a while. OK, things have just hit the crapper again but you have to be prepared to grab the chances life occasionally throws you or you just might miss some, and that would be a cryin' shame. Even if they're fleeting, good moments in a life are still that. And I say that as a sad fuck currently wallowing in self pity over the end of my 4 year relationship with a gorgeous Canadian blonde!

Grunfeld

littlegreenman said:

....but you have to be prepared to grab the chances life occasionally throws you or you just might miss some, and that would be a cryin' shame. Even if they're fleeting, good moments in a life are still that.

That's sound.  In several decades time, when all our women have long come to their senses and left us* and we are all residents somewhere down on the South coast in "The Fretboard retirement home for retired Gentlefolk and Metalheads", it will those experiences which we'll be looking back on. 

As we look out across the lawns watching the ageing ginger haired gardener chasing a young nurse (lovely lad) into the shrubbery; and cast an eye to the day room where an elderly resident still hasn't finished that jigsaw with the laminate flooring pattern; it will be the fleeting moments that we'll remember and talk about.  That's all life is:  a bunch of fleeting moments.


* I'm in the same newly single again boat as you LGM as of last month