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Base theme by DesignModo & ported to Powered by Vanilla by Chris Ireland, modified by the "theFB" team.
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Been inside for a few years and frankly, he was desperate for a shag, so he stopped at the local whore house and explained he'd only got £43 and his trainers......
'No probs, says the Madam, it'll be a quickie but it'll cost all your money and your pumps....and, because of the price, I'll just listen to my iPod whilst you're fucking me..."
The bloke shags and shags, and then halfway though, the whore starts wrapping her legs around his back and gyrating her pelvis in the most erotic manner imaginable
After the guy cums, they're getting dressed and he says ' Look, you said you were gonna listen to your music, then suddenly, all those moves with your legs and pelvis...that was amazing....I assume I must have hit the spot for you then...?"
"Don't flatter yourself love,' came the reply. "I needed to check if the pumps fitted....."
*An Official Foo-Approved guitarist since Sept 2023.
She spies a random unmarked bottle of scent and sprays it on her tattoo'd wrist.....
She walks up to the store assistant...
"Mmmm,' she says...."I really really like this...It's really fackin' lovely. But there's no name on the bottle...wassit called luv?'
The shop assistant stares at her with a steely glare and replies "That, Ma'am, is called Venez à moi...and is 20 guineas."
"Oooooooh,' says the Essex girl..."Venez à moi...that's French innit? I been to Eurodisney there...wassit mean then?"
"That, Ma'am, means 'come to me' in French....'
Essex girl smells her wrist again with a puzzled look...and waves her wrist under the assistant's nose and says...
"Well...it don't smell nufick like cum to me...does it smell like cum to you...?"
*An Official Foo-Approved guitarist since Sept 2023.
Pub in Wales....the landlord is a bit of a philanderer and the wife's a pisshead.
For many years now the landlord's being having an affair with Doris, a double leg amputee from across the village.
One night, he says to Doris: 'Wait until closing time, then wait undressed in the outside loo for me and I'll come and do you senseless, without a word..."
Doris did exactly as asked..........and as the moment came for him to fulfil his nefarious promises, an almighty noise and clanging comes from outside.....
He rushes out and sees his wife, drunk, struggling at the door of the outside toilet....her face red with outrage...
"What's wrong?" he asks?
His wife looks at him, ready to erurpt..and exclaims...
"Some silly fucker's put the wheelbarrow in the bastard toilet..."
*An Official Foo-Approved guitarist since Sept 2023.
The wife has always been disappointed with the size of her husband's tiny todger and suggests he has a go at the stretching method. After some persuasion, he agrees.
A couple of weeks later, the wife asks how he's getting on? The husband goes off to check.
"Well, we're halfway there" he says.
"What? You mean it's grown three inches longer already?" she replies excitedly.
"Err, no..... but it has turned black"
So a petty criminal called John gets sent to prison. When he arrives at the prison the guard checks what cell he's been assigned
"Cell 666, Oh damn" says the guard, "there's this massive beast of a guy in there who's attacked everyone we're put in with him, unlucky for you"
So, John is sweating and nervous, he gets brought to the cell, pushed inside and the door slams behind him .... Out of the shadows in the corner walks the largest man John has ever seen, buck naked and a massive schlong hanging down to his ankles. The naked beast grabs his cock and starts swinging it around. He's swinging it up in the air and SMASH, he wackes a table with it like a whip .... the table smashes into smithereens, he starts swinging it around again and SMASH, he wackes it at a chair and the chair smashes into pieces.
He grabs his schlong, walks over to John and says "You see this big long schlong of mine ..... I'm going to ram this right up your arse!!!!"
At which point John replies "Oh thank Christ, I thought you were going to hit me with it"
"Any bags we can help you with, sir?" asks the concierge.
"No, that's fine", says the photon, "I'm travelling light".
Seriously: If you value it, take/fetch it yourself
Remember, it's easier to criticise than create!
Remember, it's easier to criticise than create!
Remember, it's easier to criticise than create!