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I can't help about the shape I'm in, I can't sing I ain't pretty and my legs are thin
But don't ask me what I think of you, I might not give the answer that you want me to
Join a band.
Develop a porn addiction
Start preparing for an Iron Man competition.
Grow an artfully shaped beard.
or you could do what has happened to me:
Start watching and enjoying test cricket
Get a good pair of binoculars and start bird watching
Moan a lot about how things aren't as good as they used to be
Collect random nostalgic items
The latest useless artefact I had to have was a genuine ACME Thunderer brass whistle, I saw ACME featured on Great British Railway Journeys with Michael Portillo and had to have one as they are still made by hand in the same factory as 100 years ago to the same design. I also had to have a copy of Bradshaw's guide. Both sit idly unused.
Oh, and start watching programs like Great British Railway journeys...
Manchester based original indie band Random White:
https://www.facebook.com/RandomWhite
https://twitter.com/randomwhite1
Surely cycling is the new midlife crisis du jour?
Scalextric.
Just get one. You know I'm right.
Bandana
Long hair/pony tail/man bun
Ridiculous sunglasses (which for a true midlife crisis need to be worn indoors as well as out)
Facial hair
If you can't have a motorbike, how about an old sports car?
As an aside I did once consider using Midlife Crisis as a band name.
https://www.gbase.com/gear/gibson-gibson-es-335-truss-rod-c-1965-black
Supportact said: [my style is] probably more an accumulation of limitations and bad habits than a 'style'.
Icelandic, maybe?