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It just takes time, I’ve been doing it since I was 17, so 30 years now.
My early mixes were exactly as you describe and I blamed the gear but the truth was I just didn’t know what I was doing.
I would spend money on acoustic treatment, better monitoring and a better audio interface before chucking money at plugins (in that order too).
Then get some training or read some books.
Do you know how to gain stage?
How a compressor works and the various types of compression and when to use them?
Frequency ranges for instruments?
Can you tell me where the thud of a kick drum is located in the frequency range?
Or the smack of a snare?
Or the frequency in your own voice you need to cut because it is too nasal?
This is stuff you need to have in your head.
Studio: https://www.voltperoctave.com
Music: https://www.euclideancircuits.com
Me: https://www.jamesrichmond.com
Absolutely this. I always make the comparison with an artist painting a picture. Working in an untreated room is like trying to paint in a room light by artificial coloured lighting. The colours in your picture may look ok in that room but take it somewhere else and it's going look very strange.
A treated room is like painting in a studio light by strong, natural, light.
Speaking as an old fart who started out recording to tape on one hand you have huge advantages starting out today with a DAW loaded with effects that we could only dream of but it's also a curse because it is too easy to reach for a plug-in without really understanding it.
could be your just being hyper critical as you are so close to the song...
fwiw I’ve heard your otm submissions and they sound great!