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Sorry all
soundcloud.com/thecolourbox-1
youtube.com/@TheColourboxMusic
soundcloud.com/thecolourbox-1
youtube.com/@TheColourboxMusic
You could just knock it on the head (I mean the music)- but I suspect that is not the answer.
Only other thing I can suggest, for a while, just carry on and accept that it won't be enjoyable or rewarding. Set a time limit and treat the thing like a physical exercise. No expectations. Do this for a month or so and if you are still frustrated then you can consider packing it in.
I'm only just really starting on the guitar so OP has me well beat on technical ability. I can't sing at all so OP has me beat there as well. I grew up listening to 80's metal (must buy that Ibanez/ESP soon!) My spotify playlist is rammed with Metallica, AC/DC and similar stuff.
I only play (badly) in my house. Whatever happens now , because of a medical condition, I'm never going to even do pub covers gigs. So it's totally unrealistic for me to play the style of music I really prefer to listen to.
My point is that I'm now OK with that. I wasn't for a while but being honest there are a lot of things I'll never do in this lifetime that would have been nice. It's all to late for me to solve England's opening batsman problem. I can hardly walk these days so pushing for a place in the squad for the next Rugby world cup isn't an option either. I'm being flippant to illustrate the point but I think it's OK to accept that there are things we are just not cut out to do even if we really wanted to do those things in our dreams.
I'm still trying to learn to play. I've switched my playing to start looking at Blues. I don't have to sing, It's possible to play some nice stuff on just one guitar (I can't but it is possible). Are millions of people out there doing it better than me? Yep. Does that matter if I'm enjoying the time I spend with a guitar in my hands? Nope.
I understand that OP doesn't like what he is playing now but I think the answer is to look around, try different styles, approaches and try and connect with something that does spark an interest. Accept that it might not be your first choice of style or direction but that doesn't make it inferior.
Good luck on the search.
soundcloud.com/thecolourbox-1
youtube.com/@TheColourboxMusic
Please bear in mind that I'm just some random voice on the internet and my opinion is nothing more than that, a personal opinion. I do however think I get where you are coming from as I had a similar journey on a totally non music related thing in my life. After this I'll not post on this thread as we are getting way off topic but I'm more than happy to continue the discussion via PM if you would like to. If you wouldn't that's cool too.
Now this is a diversion but I need to set the scene.
I used to be a very competitive game player. It's very Geeky and not cool but I played games, things like 'Magic the Gathering' , 'X-Wing' and even poker for a while. My entire purpose was to improve, win tournaments, become one of the 'names' in that admittedly small arena of competitive game players. I would spend a lot of time researching things, practicing and trying to be the best at whatever game I was concentrating on at the time. Long story short it never happened. I was never as good as I wanted to be and frankly not as good as some people who only played casually. Attending tournaments became a horrible experience instead of an enjoyable one. Never able to perform at the level I demanded of myself I started to hate the games. Eventually I just gave up playing altogether. Friends I knew tried to keep me involved but nothing they suggested worked in terms of making me the player I felt I had to be.
So I just quit playing. For me, at that point in time, accepting the situation was identical to giving up, just like you mention in your post.
Fast forward a few years, yes years, and last month an old friend of mine got in contact. We had not seen each other for a long time and he was attending a local tournament. He asked if I wanted to go and would lend me all the stuff I needed. I just had to turn up. Incidentally he is the local store champion, almost never loses and is better at the game I introduced him to than I ever was. I decided to go just so we could catch up more than anything. I didn't have the time to prepare and the game has changed over the years so I gave up on any idea of being competitive. Again long story short but I got destroyed in the tournament, never winning a game all day. He was always competing at the top of the standings whilst I was at the bottom so we never had a change to chat either. By my old criteria the day should have been a complete disaster. I actually enjoyed it a lot. Met some great people on the day and had a lot of fun.
It was an eye opener as I realised that there were positives I could take from playing the game that were not directly connected to what I used to think was the only important thing, winning. So now I can accept that I'll never be good and still be part of the scene without giving up on it totally. It's a fundamental change in my perspective of what I want to get out of the experience.
Back on track. I'd urge you to go to that open mike night. Maybe you will find that whilst you are not driven and passionate about the exact songs you are playing on the night you may gain purpose from seeing people enjoying your playing. You may meet someone who you end up jamming with and who knows where that might go musically. You may listen to someone and get caught up in what they are playing. If you don't go none of that can happen. If you do go it might not happen anyway but you never know.
Sometimes 'accepting things' does indeed mean 'giving up' on them, even if that is not a permanent thing. I honestly believe however a person can 'accept' that their initial motivation and desire can't be achieved but they can change their focus and find a different but no less important way to enjoy whatever it was they were interested in.
Whatever the case for you personally and whatever you decide I wish you well.
The guys I play with we tend to do covers of Grunge, Punk and the sort of stuff we were listening to as kids in the 90's but at home i'm happy to noodle away over a 12 bar blues rhythm all night. The fact i'm being forced to learn songs from the Ataris to Rage Against The Machine is helping my overall playing immensely though.
Variety is as they say, the spice of life!
soundcloud.com/thecolourbox-1
youtube.com/@TheColourboxMusic
You say, about your reasons for playing:
I don't do it for the fun
I don't do it because I want to interact with others
I don't do it to be impressive or get feedback.
I do it because it's the only outlet I have to express a lot of things, to let off steam and try to put into words, tunes or chords what is going through my mind.
Which is fine. My question then is...
Does it really matter then if your playing is perhaps not the 'best' example of the genre/style you need to play to express yourself? Your playing to release those thoughts and feelings, it doesn't have to be commercial, it doesn't have to please an audience. You're doing it for you.
Or am I missing the point? Are you saying that you are not able to express those thought and feelings because you can't translate what is in your head into the required sounds from the guitar and the things you can play don't address your need to be expressive?
I don't mean to pry I just think I've gone off on tangents that are no help because I've misunderstood your point.
Add that to my inability to get a set up which works at home without too much volume or too much buzzing hissing and bloody driver updates I'm just fed up with it all. Hence thinking I may as well sack it off
soundcloud.com/thecolourbox-1
youtube.com/@TheColourboxMusic
... and that’s why I find playing in a covers band so rewarding.
So, to answer the original question, I do both. As a band we collaborate on choosing our repertoire, and can each veto anything that we actively dislike. We all enjoy stripping back and rebuilding song arrangements, and often I get to write new guitar parts. I enjoy learning songs, and developing new playing styles.